milestones Archives - Page 2 of 4

Jun 25

and just like that, she turned one

Jun 25

I’ve spent the better part of the week obsessing over something I have 100% no control over – the weather. Looks like a massive rainstorm is poised to hit the entire east coast this weekend. Oh, and we’re throwing Molly a first birthday party. Outside. In a park.

It’s not all bad. We do have a pavilion… it’s just a rather small pavilion. So let’s just say everyone who shows up will get rather cozy with one another. I caught myself saying this morning, “This is the worst thing that could have possibly happened!” That’s when I realized – no. The worst thing would have been if I never got to have Molly, so there wouldn’t be a birthday party at all. Sometimes I need a little perspective.

Between making shopping lists and obsessing over weather.com, I never got to post on her actual birthday, which is what I meant to do. I did jot down some thoughts but just never got around to publishing them. Eric and I both took off work on Tuesday, her actual birthday, and spent a lovely day swimming at my in-laws and just enjoying the company of our daughter. I made her a cake from scratch and we sang to her. It was nice.

Below I’m going to share a letter I wrote to her in honor of her first birthday. Then, for those of you who haven’t already seen these on Facebook, I’m going to share some of the photos from her 1 year photo session (which was also outside, but not in the rain). Rain or shine, I truly am blessed to have this child in my life.

My dear Molly,

I can’t say that you made me a mommy. Your sisters who came before, now waiting for us in heaven, get credit for that. All my little embryos do. But you were the one who I got to hold. You’re the one who made me understand what that being a mommy really meant.

Before you were born I used to talk to you all the time. I was so excited to meet you! I’d be driving home from work and I’d just keep telling you how much I wanted to know you and you’d kick inside my belly like you knew what I was saying. I didn’t like being pregnant as much as I thought I would – mostly because I was impatient and just wanted to know you. What did you look like? What was your personality? The 9 month mystery was just too much for me.

I’ve already written so much about the day you were born, and I won’t say it all again now. You were late – you must have been so warm and cozy in there that you didn’t want to come out. I didn’t get to hold you right away but I did see you and hear you. So tiny, my little girl! But still healthy and strong. You were so much better than I could have imagined.

Molly, this year has been so different than every year that came before it. It’s almost as if I can’t remember a time before you existed – you have filled the spaces in our lives so completely that imagining life without you is basically impossible. We waited so long for you. Every tear I cried, every dark night I had, every doubt that plagued my worried mind has disappeared completely since you came into the world. Now every moment leading up to you makes sense because it brought us more than we could have dared to hope for. You were so, so worth the wait.

I love everything about you, all the little things and all the big things too. I love your smile and your laugh. I love how you don’t crawl, but instead scoot all around on your butt. How you clap when you’re happy and touch your cheek when you’re sad. How you kick your feet when you’re excited and tense them up and yell when you’re mad. The way you eat everything, all the time – and throw it on the ground and watch the puppies eat it when you’re all done. The way you tip your head back to drink from your sippy cup like a little gerbil. I love how you curl onto your side to fall asleep and how the first thing I hear every morning in your happy stream of babble through the baby monitor. I love how excited you get when I’m filling up the bath tub – you hold onto the edge and watch the water fill because you can’t wait to get in and splash around.

You’re so smart, little one. You’re so good at stacking blocks and rings and you love to read books together. You especially love the big book about babies and when we go through together and find all the different parts of the body (your favorite one is “mouth”). You know what “no” means (even though you don’t always listen). And it goes without saying that you’re the cutest baby I’ve ever seen! Even strangers at the store stop to tell me how cute you are. Everyone who knows you loves you. Everyone who doesn’t know you wishes that they did.

You’ve spent one year on this earth teaching us so much. I used to dream about what you would be like – but never in a million years could I have conjured you, and just how special and amazing you actually are.

I love you, peanut. I can’t wait for next year, and next year, and the year after that as I find out even more wonderful things about you. I’m so proud to be your mommy.

Jun 16

one week to one

Jun 16

My aunt yelled at me because I didn’t mention my five year anniversary in my last post. Oops! All in all it was a good day – we both stayed home from work and hosted a yard sale at our house, and actually sold a whole bunch of crap. It was so successful that we plan on having another in July (another yard sale – not another anniversary). Then that night we went to Wendy’s for dinner – not just the drive-thru, mind you, but dined in the restaurant as a family. Yes, so romantic. I don’t ever let Molly (or myself, for that matter) have fast food, so as you can imagine she was in chicken nugget heaven on this rare occasion. We only went because we were on our way to an indoor football game, which is how we closed out the evening. I was really expecting a lavish vacation or a romantic stay at a B&B for 5 years – but hey, a yard sale, Wendy’s dinner date, and football game turned out to be not bad at all.

Other than that, things are just kind of chugging along. I’m still pregnant. Still feeling little flickers of movement and still getting a little rounder each day. A friend of mine posted that her timeshare was available in October and asked if anyone was interested. As I’m sitting there googling flight prices and trying to think how I’m going to convince Eric to go, I had a sudden realization – October. Third trimester. Hello, I’m not going to be allowed on a plane! I literally forgot I was pregnant for a second. That’s something that never, ever happened with Molly.

In one week, my baby girl turns one! Ahhhh!!! One year ago today – 2 days shy of my due date – I was enormously fat and pregnant and hot and miserable. Today I am still kind of fat and definitely pregnant but not miserable. And sometimes I don’t even know I’m pregnant. It’s amazing the difference a year can make.

I just submitted a post to Scary Mommy (even though I have a love/hate relationship with the site in general, I figured it would be fun to be published there. They have over a million readers…and they pay $100 per post). I really hope it’s accepted. It’s all about my guilt over not finishing Molly’s baby book. I know, so ridiculous, right? I’m a writer and I can’t even do it. And she’s my first child! What the heck is wrong with me?

oh, hang on, I know I have a heart-shaped photo around here somewhere…

I am really going to try to work on it this weekend because my plan was to have it displayed at her birthday party. The most annoying thing – besides finding photos to fit in the weirdly shaped spaces allotted – is trying to remember when things started happening. Molly says Mama/Mommy and Dada/Daddy, but most of all she says, “I DID IT!” She says that all the time. And that’s why baby books exist, right? Because as much as this is part of her identity now, in 5 years I probably won’t remember that every other second she was exclaiming “I DID IT!” and “I DID THAT!” or intentionally dropping toys and saying, “UT!” (no uh-oh. Just ut!).

But when I go back and read old posts, it’s clear how much she has changed already. Like how there was once a time where I fretted over self-feeding and how she didn’t really have the hang of it. HA!! Now the girl could demolish a Porterhouse steak, and I probably wouldn’t even need to cut it. No teeth and all. She is the queen of self-feeding.

So yeah, baby book. I think I’m going to go through all my old photos/videos on my phone to determine when things took place since they are conveniently sorted by date (thanks, iPhone). I do have months 1-5 filled in at least. The photos are going to be the real challenge since the spaces provided are so specific and strange. I want to order a whole bunch to display at her party but I’m waiting to see if the photographer gets her one year photo session proofs done before I do that.

And for this next kid I’m not even attempting the guilt-inducing baby book. I recently discovered (too late for Molly but not too late for lil’ crouton) that there are apps where you input photos and milestones, then order a pre-made book once your baby hits a year. Genius, right? And so much easier than putting pen to paper. I’m definitely going that route for this and subsequent children. If I remember. Eeesh.

Mar 23

9 months in/9 months out

Mar 23

Good day to you all!

It’s been pretty quiet on the blog front these days, has anyone else noticed that? I’ve had a bit of insomnia lately and have nothing to read as I’m lying there wide awake at 2am, which forces me to go deeper into the bowels of Pinterest than I ever wanted to go (some of the things people pin are just ridiculous). Come on, ladies, I need some late night entertainment!

Today my baby girl is 9 months old. I’m feeling so wistful and nostalgic lately it’s ridiculous. Physically, she looks a lot like she did last month – and even the month before – but that’s what happens when you see a person every day, you don’t notice the small changes that are happening right before your eyes. When I look through photos I see that she’s bigger. Her face looks more mature. She’s certainly reaching milestones left and right, and this mama could not possibly be more proud. Here’s what’s going on with Molly these days:

-She is a pro at self-feeding, and is so proud of herself when she does it
-She. loves. to. eat. Oh my goodness, the girl could eat a house, I swear! If we’re in the kitchen and I start preparing any kind of food, she starts making desperate moaning sounds as though she’s never seen food before in her life. I usually have to appease her with a pre-breakfast, lunch, or dinner snack to tide her over those 10 minutes until her actual meal is ready.
-She’s been doing this for a while now, but I just started noticing it because my sister pointed it out. She always puts her palm to her face to calm herself down if she’s cranky, hungry, tired, frustrated, or whatever. She also loves when Eric or I touch her face.
-She can scoot around the room on her butt with proficiency. She can also get up on all fours but has not actually begun crawling yet.
-She’s back to sleeping in her crib at night! Woo hoo! All it took was a little bit of lullaby music and a Twilight Turtle nightlight.
-Every night she goes to bed around 7:30. About two hours after, she wakes up – not hungry, just lonely. So I sit in her dark room and rock her for about 10 minutes and then she stays asleep until her next bottle at 2am. I love this time with her. The darkness in her room with the soothing lullabies in the background… her sleepy little self right up against me… usually she puts her hand on my chest. This is a little embarrassing, but more than once I’ve just sat there rocking and crying because I love her so much. (I think the music is partially to blame, it’s usually when a sad ode from a parent to a child comes on).

apparently this is comforting

The biggest change this month is that my milk has completely dried up and we are now on formula 100% of the time. This is part of what makes me wistful. It happened very quickly and unexpectedly and I must say, I really miss nursing. I miss the bonding. It broke my heart that she was so confused the first time I gave her a bottle (she’s used to getting one, but not from me). She adjusted right away and of course she’s fine but it’s still weird to not be nursing. I had every intention of at least making it to 12 months but apparently the universe had other plans.

Speaking of which… not today, but next week… you’ll want to stay tuned to this blog. Tuesday-ish. If there’s one post you should read all year, it will be the post on Tuesday. Sorry that I cannot say more at this time.

Consider yourself notified.

mom status: official

What else? Ah yes, this weekend we went and bought a mini van. No… seriously. People may question this purchase, but honestly I was never thrilled with my Sportage and it was not hard to let it go. We always borrow other family member’s vans for camping, vacation, etc… it just makes sense to have, with two dogs and a baby and tons of stuff. As vans go, it’s pretty nice with the backup camera and built-in DVD players with wireless headsets and all that jazz. So that’s that. I’m a van mom.

Up next this weekend is my big trip to Boston. I’ve already been busy drafting lists upon list for Eric on the Care and Feeding of Molly Harding. It’s funny because he is a very involved father and I would say he know 75% of her schedule and demands. But then there’s that other 25% I worry about…

Hope everyone is having a fantastic Monday. I’ll leave you with some photos from this morning.

Feb 24

8 whole months

Feb 24

Hi there, friends.

I definitely meant to start making structured, organized month-by-month posts, but I failed. I feel like at this stage of the game it’s too late to start. I have been pretty good about at least posting something when she reaches a milestone, so there’s that.

On Monday, Miss Molly turned 8 months old. At first she seemed concerned…

But then Daddy came in to make silly faces, so she cheered up!

Not too many developmental achievements happened over the past 30 days. She is still scooting backwards, not crawling. One change is that she’s started babbling a lot more – lots of da, da, da, with a little wa, ba, ba thrown in. I don’t think she’s addressing Eric per se, but that never stops him from answering her “Da! Da! Daaaaaa!” several times an hour with a “What? What? Whaaaaat?”

At least she’s a pro with (organic, gluten-free) cookies

Let’s see… the kid seems to have a sweet tooth. I’m still spoon feeding her baby food (I know, tres passe), and her favorite one is a sickeningly sweet combo of pears and guava. I started introducing non-mushy food cut into baby-sized pieces, but I think I’ve ruined any potential for BLW success by starting out with traditional baby food. She thinks it’s fun to pick up the banana pieces and place them gently into her lap – doesn’t seem to understand the whole hand to mouth concept. Despite these setbacks, we shall persevere.

I’m genuinely sick of breastfeeding. Well, let me revise – I love breastfeeding, and have even occasionally gone sans-cover up in public. At this point, I just don’t care who sees. I think the entire Lehigh Valley has seen my breasts at one time or another. What I’m sick of is pumping. I was really close to calling it and just letting her have formula during the day when out of the blue, my sister said, “You know, I barely have to give her any formula bottles at all… you always give us plenty of breastmilk.” So… drats. Looks like me and Mr. Pump will keep having our twice daily dates after all.

Lately my absolute favorite thing has been my weekly grocery shopping trips with Molly. She gets a lot of attention no matter where we go – especially when she’s wearing her super cute pink hat – but for some reason, whenever we go to Wegmans I have multiple people stop me to say that she is, “literally, the cutest baby on Earth.” Random people. People with kids of their own, even! Last week a woman stopped me to say it, and said that her 8-year-old son was the one who spotted Molly, and said, “Look, mom, the cutest baby in the world is right over there in that cart.”

Yeah… I died a little.

So besides the fact that Molly is a mini-celebrity at Wegmans, I just love the atmosphere of being there. Wegmans is a great grocery store no matter how you slice it (and I’ve blogged about this before). I walk the aisles, sipping my coffee, picking out organic, beautiful meats and produce, while Molly sits there with her cart cover and her darling hat, swinging her legs, overjoyed at all the things to see and hear. We usually enjoy a leisurely 2 hour shopping trip together. Truly, it’s the highlight of my week.

I know I’ve posted this before… but I just can’t stand the cuteness!

I’m not sure if many of you read my post about Mom Meet Mom, but it’s funny – not long after I posted, the founder of the site contacted me about potentially doing a PR push with my local news channels and newspapers to get the word out in my area. To which I said, of course! After what went down earlier this month (which I PROMISE I’ll be able to talk about very soon), I feel camera-ready. Or at least, more comfortable than I was before.

Coming up in March we have our annual family ski trip to Vermont, which is exciting but also a little scary (since I’ve never been on skis before). Then at the end of March I’m doing my girls weekend in Boston, without my baby, which is also exciting… but a little scary.

Other than that, not much to report. I’m just freezing my little tush off here in PA, with temps in the negatives and dreams of relentless summer heat. I’ve been feeling stir crazy lately – which is partially the reason for 2 hour+ grocery shopping runs – it’s finally at that point in winter where enough feels like enough. And based on Facebook posts from friends and overhearing random conversations, I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Speaking of summer – I’ve reached a bit of a milestone. I’m exactly 50 lbs down from where I was the day Molly was born. That means I’m within 10 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight, but still about 25-30 away from my goal weight. Still – kind of crazy! Crazy that I lost FIFTY WHOLE POUNDS and still have so far to go, haha. I’ve been keeping up with going to the gym, and feel a swell of pride whenever someone there addresses me by name. I go enough that they know me there. That’s an accomplishment, for me at least.

Ok, that’s all for now. Happy Tuesday, everyone!

It’s never too early to put on some lipstick

jumping – always jumping

Dec 31

oh, what a year it’s been

Dec 31

What started out as a Christmas recap/Molly’s 6-month update post has now been hastily turned into a year end recap, or life right now recap, because I just haven’t had the time to streamline my disjointed thoughts into coherent sentences. The funny part is that now that I have a job where I could conceivably blog on lunch breaks or when I come in super early every day (because every website in the world isn’t blocked like it was at my last job), I’m usually too busy with actual WORK to spend any time blogging. Plus, I’ve been really good about going to the gym during lunch, even in the hard-to-stay-motivated month of December. So… yay for me and my jiggly thighs, boo for my blog. I’m sorry.

I’m sure I don’t have to spell out for anyone, especially all you faithful blog readers, that 2014 has really been the best year EVER. I mean… duh. Not only did my dream of becoming a mommy finally come true, but also I scored a job at the company I’ve been targeting for years, and so far, everything is just as good as I thought it would be (and yes, I am talking to my coworkers more, and you were all right, I was just being impatient about making new friends).

Christmas was so awesome. I took off on Christmas Eve and the company gave everyone off on the 25th (obviously) and the 26th (yay!), which meant that I got to spend 5 entire days with my sweet girl and my dear husband. Despite a 24-hour bout of sickness that I thought was the flu but probably wasn’t actually the flu, it was pure bliss.

But also kind of sad. Because the more time I spent with Molly, the more I got to know her… I mean, really know her on that day-to-day basis that I don’t usually get to see. And as much as I enjoy working, especially at my new job, it was a little depressing, you know? I had 8 weeks off with her when she was first born, but that’s when she was all newborn-y and hadn’t developed a personality yet. During the five days of Christmas break, I got to know her on a deeper level and to really enjoy her company, rather than just try to cram as much as possible into that one hour window before bedtime or our whirlwind weekends of errand running and other events. So yeah, it was great, but it also made me feel wistful…and thankful that I basically have the same thing this week (working from home today, then off until Monday). So talk to me on January 5th and I’m sure I’ll be even more sad/wistful than I am now.

But for now, I’m just looking forward to another nice break, and more time hanging out with our little family. Especially since we’re spending New Year’s Eve at home for the first time in a long time.

Here are a few highlights from last week:

-Molly LOVES being around people and commotion, and proved this by staying up a full 3 hours past her bedtime on Christmas Eve. She didn’t waver – not even as the clock crept toward 10pm. My little trooper! We got a late start to Christmas Eve dinner (par for the course with my family), and didn’t get to present opening until way late. Luckily, we always go in age order youngest to oldest when opening gifts, so Molly was first. Wouldn’t you know – she did a great job tearing that paper! She got a bunch of toys, which she desperately needed, and then promptly fell asleep once her turn was done. I figured she’d sleep soundly through the night after all that, but OH NO, that girl was up every hour from about 1am to 5am. One of those times I was so exhausted that I didn’t even wake up to her crying, and Eric was the one to go fetch her, try unsuccessfully to comfort her, and then bring her to me (literally, the first time that’s ever happened). Eeesh. She was up for the day by 6am and ready to open her Santa presents. I think she likes getting gifts…

Christmas Eve and so many presents!

gift opening pro

-Our big girl turned 6 months old on the 23rd. Every month I think to myself, “No, this is the best age!” and I keep wondering when that’s going to end (hopefully never?). She can sit up pretty solidly, though we usually do put a pillow behind her just in case, and have had a few unfortunate head-bumping incidents. I’m definitely not saying this to brag, but I’m super impressed with her fine motor skills. Her Nana bought her one of those old school wooden block toys where you fit the shapes into the holes of the cube (I hope that explanation makes sense), and it’s for ages 2 and up, but we figured hey, why not let her just bang the wooden shapes around. Not only does she insist on trying to put the shapes in (and understand that that’s the point of it)… she can almost do it! I seriously sat there recording her attempts for 10 minutes, but so far she hasn’t actually done it. Oh, well. She’s very good at focusing on tasks and I have no doubt she’ll have those blocks dominated in no time.

6 months!

so close…

-Here’s another fun new thing Molly started doing: giving kisses. If you’re ever feeling down, just take a little drive over to PA and I promise, these kisses will put a gigantic smile on your face. She gets this very intense look, grabs your face on both side with her two hands, and with an open, drool-y mouth, pulls your cheek (or your mouth, or nose, or whatever) to her mouth for a few seconds and releases. Then she always has a satisfied little grin when she’s done! I almost don’t want her to learn how to kiss correctly because the way she does it now is just TOO MUCH.

Well friends, it’s time for me to bid farewell to the amazing-ness of 2014. There’s so many things to look forward to in 2015. I find myself doing that a lot lately – looking forward to things. I’m not so obsessed about that one thing (MUST HAVE BABY), so finally I’m able to think about other things, which is nice. I didn’t bother with resolutions. I just hope to continue being grateful for all the blessings I’ve already been given.

May your year be filled with happiness! Love you all.

Nov 12

onward and upward!

Nov 12

Goodbye cigars, hello organic bean sprouts!

I’m beyond pleased to announce that after nearly a month of phone calls, interviews, writing tests, freelancing, and waiting on pins and needles, I’ve been offered (and have ecstatically accepted!) a new position.

Not just any position… a full-time with benefits position at my dream company. The company I’ve been applying to every few months for the past five years. (That’s no exaggeration.)

It’s at a place called Rodale. It’s a massive publishing company, and if you’ve never heard of them, I’m sure you’ve heard of some of their titles: they’re the folks who publish magazines such as Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Runner’s World, Bicycling, Prevention, and more. They’ve also published popular books such as An Inconvenient Truth and Eat This, Not That.

So you can see why, as a writer, the place is like the Promised Land to me. In the past I’d been applying to editorial roles and never got so much as an email back. A friend of mine (another writer/editor) and I jokingly began referring to Rodale as “the iron fortress,” because it seemed all but impossible to get in, at least in any kind of writing capacity. A current Rodale employee friend-of-a-friend looked at my resume and explained that I wasn’t getting callbacks because my work experience was “too commercial.” So when they posted an opening for an e-commerce copywriter, I’ll admit my hopes were up a little higher than they were the 497 times I had applied before. For the past 4.5 years, I’ve been writing product copy like nobody’s business. And you know what? I’m actually good at it.

The position is with their e-commerce site rodales.com, which was just launched last year. All of the items are carefully selected, and they only choose products that are responsibly sourced. If it’s clothing, it’s most likely organic cotton. If it’s imported, they guarantee the workers received fair wages. So in other words, I can feel good about all the things I’ll be writing about. Gives you the warm fuzzies, doesn’t it?

Bonus: they happen to be headquartered in Emmaus, PA, a mere 35 minute drive from my house. AND, super bonus, my neighbor across the street works there, so we can carpool and save some serious cash on gas.

The Rodale campus has a running trail, a gym with free fitness classes and discounted personal trainers for employees, a café with organic produce sourced from their own farm, and… wait for it… a daycare on premises.

Of course, the daycare thing is awesome (since I get an hour for lunch and can walk over to play with Molly! How amazing is that?!!). But, it’s a really good daycare, and it’s also open to the public. Hence…there’s a waiting list. I left a message to find out more details and I haven’t gotten a call back yet. It’s all right, I’m not in a huge hurry. The whole concept is bittersweet anyway, since I love that she goes to my sister and is bonding so much with her cousins. Even when Molly “gets in,” we plan to split the time between Aunt Ashley and daycare so that she gets the best of both worlds.

WAIT A MINUTE, I didn’t even tell you the best part yet. Are you ready for this? Are ya? Are ya?

I took a peek at their healthcare handbook, and lo and behold…they have infertility coverage. That is unheard of in Pennsylvania. And considering we’ll be trying for #2 sometime next year (with our frozen embies) and an embryo transfer is $2,600 minimum… this is AMAZING news.

It’s always tough to say goodbye. Over the past 15 months, I’ve really come to appreciate cigars more than I ever thought I would, and the people I work with are awesome. BUT, they work long hours in cigarworld, and now that I have the baby, getting home at 6 or later sucks (especially on the nights she decides her bedtime is 7:00 sharp). Working nine and a half hour days is something I just won’t miss. I also won’t miss my clothes and hair smelling like smoke all the time. But the people, yes, I will miss them.

So, onward. To the next stage of my life and career, a place where hopefully I can plant some roots and stay for a long, long time. 2014 has really been the best year ever.

Sep 24

wordless wednesday: Molly’s 3 month photo session

Sep 24

Aug 27

a day in the life (2-month-old edition)

Aug 27

I love these. Sometimes they make me sigh with recognition, and sometimes they make me laugh because they are SO far-fetched (and usually in those cases, enviable). Anyway, I thought it would be fun to make one of my own.

4:30-5:00AM

I wake up to the sound of crying. Multiple attempts to ignore the crying don’t work, and eventually I give in and get out of bed, taking care not to wake the sleeping dogs and sleeping husband. Inevitably, at least one dog wakes up and looks at me plaintively, wondering if I’ll take him out. I respond by shutting the bedroom door in his face.

5:05AM

Diaper change. Molly is usually sleepy and yawn-y and adorable. She only cries when I have the audacity sneak in a bathroom visit before feeding her.

5:10AM

Breastfeeding, take one. We sit on the couch, with all the lights off except the lamp we keep on 24/7 to deter burglars, and bond over Molly’s breakfast time. Sometimes, depending on how early we started this ritual, we both doze off for 15-20 minutes.

5:40AM

We wake up when Eric gets up and lets the dogs out of the bedroom. It’s hard to stay asleep with Bird jumping all over you, licking your face. She’s used to it by now though, and usually falls back to sleep fairly quickly.

6:00AM

I hand off the sleepy/sleeping baby to Eric and run for the shower, knowing that I have a limited amount of time before she wakes up and starts crying again.

6:10AM

Shower over. Baby stirring.

6:12AM

Baby starts getting fussy. Turn on the blow dryer and hope it soothes her back to sleep.

6:15AM

The blow dryer plan worked, but once it’s turned off, she wakes up again. I hurry through my makeup application and try desperately to remember to put on deodorant. Molly is now crying in earnest as I rush to the bedroom and throw on the first thing I see that fits and is appropriate for an office setting (no easy feat). There’s no time for jewelry selection or anything that might waste precious moments, so I just wear the same necklace every day, or nothing at all. I hastily make the bed to keep Ryder from chewing apart the down comforter while we’re at work (this has happened several times, and a tightly made bed seems to deter his feather craving).

6:30AM

Eric hands off Molly so he can go get in the shower. At this point I have two options – either strap her in her carseat and listen to her scream while I get stuff ready to go, or put her in her Rock ‘n Play and listen to her scream while I get stuff ready to go. I usually opt for the former so at least I’m one step closer to getting out the door.

6:30-6:45AM

Feed the fish, add last minute items to lunches, set out lunches, make my coffee, pack bottles, put on my shoes, find my phone, make a smoothie, put away miscellaneous dog bones, straighten up, double and triple check that I have everything, gather it all up in my arms, head for the exit. All while she’s screaming.

6:45-7AM

Drive to Ashley’s house. Her screaming quiets the moment I put the car in drive. I narrowly avoid hitting trees/other drivers because I can’t stop staring at her perfect little face in the mirror.

7AM

Arrive at Ashley’s intact. Molly is usually lightly sleeping by this point. I wake her up, pop out a boob, and settle into “my” recliner.

7:00-7:30AM

Breastfeeding, take two. Chat with Ashley and children. Reluctantly start trying to pry the baby off starting around half past 7, but usually end up leaving late.

7:35AM

Leave for work. Feel immediate sense of guilt/longing/wistfulness/sadness/envy.

8AM-5:30PM

Workity work, work, work. Obsessively check text messages for cute pics from my sister (and there are always a few). Check in often. Continue to feel wistful. Add in three pump sessions, and call it a day.

5:34PM

It takes me exactly four minutes to get from my desk chair to my car, and that’s not fast enough. I can practically hear her tiny tummy rumbling from miles away. Plus, by this point I miss her terribly.

5:50PM

Get a call from Eric (baby crying in the background): “Will you be home soon, Mommy? Someone is HUNGRY today.”

6:00PM

Begin disrobing on the trip from the car to the front door. Drop everything in the front hall, tear off my shirt and bra, and sit down to feed my hungry little love.

6:00-7:00PM

Breastfeeding, take three. Attempt to satisfy her insatiable hunger as mine continues to grow. Did you know that breastfeeding makes you hungry?

7:00PM

Hand her off to Eric and head into the kitchen.

7:15PM

Baby starts to fuss. How is that possible? I was supposed to be cooking dinner but all I’ve managed to do is unpack her bottles and put away half the rack of clean dishes.

7:30PM

Contemplate ordering a pizza.

7:31PM

Decide we can’t have pizza again. Whip together some semblance of a balanced meal while simultaneously washing dishes and utensils as I dirty them so that the sink doesn’t fill up again.

7:45PM

Dinner is ready. Molly is crying.

7:50PM

I shovel food in my mouth while she screams and Eric complains about not being able to feed her. I feel horribly guilty for making her wait, and also inexplicably guilty for his inability to breastfeed. Somehow I know it’s all my fault.

7:53PM

Breastfeeding, take four.

8:00-9:30PM

Intermittent breastfeeding between attempting to get things done. It goes a little like this: I feed her until she dozes off, sneak away to quickly pack lunches or put away leftovers, and run back to her when she starts crying (usually in 15-20 minute increments). This is what we call her “hungry time.” Yes, she sleeps through the night, but she certainly takes care to fill up her tummy prior to bedtime. This little window is also the only time I have to blog, which is why it usually doesn’t happen. Eric always tries to hold and comfort her, but inevitably she only wants one thing – milk. And that’s the one thing he can’t give her.

9:30-10:00PM

One last breastfeeding session to “top her off” and then it’s time for PJs and bed. Even if she’s wide awake at this point, she is really good at putting herself to sleep in her bassinet. All I do is swaddle her tightly, kiss her little face, and turn on her Sleep Sheep. Within ten minutes, she’s totally zonked out.

10:00PM

Back out in the living room, I contemplate tackling one of the numerous items on my to-do list.

10:01PM

Say to myself, “Screw it, I’ll do it tomorrow.” Know deep down that this will never happen.

10:10PM

Fall asleep before my head hits the pillow.

Aug 26

it did get better

Aug 26

Well, everyone was right. I cried the first day back to work, but not the second. One week in and I’m already used to it. I guess you just do what ya gotta do.

But instead of writing a post, I decided to do a post in pictures to show you exactly why this situation is working out so well. And without further ado… here’s last week.

This was how Addison (Molly’s cousin) reacted to waking up and seeing her at my sister’s house:

Addi loves helping Aunt Ashley take care of the baby. She helps with the bottle…

She reads to her…

She even shares her dinosaur.

Sometimes naptime can get a little loud, but Molly knows just what to do.

Other times, naptime is quiet, especially when cousin Avery is sleeping, too.

Molly’s cousins like to get chocolate on her, and sometimes it gets on her pretty outfit. Then Aunt Ashley has to do some laundry.

Meanwhile, at work, Mommy does stuff like this:

It’s always a good day for tummy time!

Or for just hanging out and being adorable.

Did I mention how much Molly loves being outside? She especially loves to rock on the porch and wait for Daddy to pick her up. And sometimes this happens:

After Molly leaves, her cousins miss her. But that’s OK, because they found someone to keep her rocker warm while she’s not there.

Now… do you see why I’m not so sad anymore?

Jul 14

adventures in camping (with a newborn)

Jul 14

It’s funny to me how many people proclaimed that I was “brave” or “ambitious” to be camping with a newborn.

Maybe a little… but really, from what I’ve observed, I’d venture a guess that camping with a toddler or even a young child is a lot more ambitious. I mean, if I put Molly in her little rocker and turned my back for a second, I knew she’d still be sitting in that same rocker. Do the same thing with a 2-year-old, and she’d more than likely be riding a bear piggyback or something.

In other words, newborns are low maintenance. On our camping trip, she did the same things that she does at home – eat. sleep. poop. Yes, waking up to nurse in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night is not as comfy as doing the same in my own home, but still, we were in our camper. It’s not like we were tent camping.

It was very nice and relaxing, and we’re already making plans to go again and make good use of our new camper that we just purchased this year.

Here’s something I didn’t realize about our little camping excursion: one year ago last weekend, I was camping. I was also in the midst of a miscarriage. Sometimes I feel bad because I usually reference the miscarriage of the twins more often, and it almost seems like Baby Toast (who we lost on July 8th) is “forgotten about.” But how could I forget? This is a line from my post last year, the one entitled “camping and miscarriage are not mutually enjoyable”

It’s still possible to have a baby of our own to take camping next year. Far-fetched, perhaps, but possible.

I seriously want to go back in time and hug myself. I want to tell this sad, past version of myself that one year can make all the difference, and that camping will never be the same again. Then I want to show her (me) these pictures and say, “See? It all works out in the end.”