burnt toast life

of birthdays and parties

Molly turned two last week.

I know, right? THAT’S INSANE. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was crying nightly into my pillow, wondering if I’d ever get to be a parent? That seems so long ago and so recent. I remember what it felt like and I forget. In general, I’m way too busy to think much about it at all, except in quiet moments like this one when I can marvel over how much can change in two short years.

Speaking of change… we aren’t moving to Seattle. At least, there’s a 99% chance we aren’t. Even as I wrote that last post I knew that ultimately, our village is way more important than money. But that doesn’t mean that things are staying the same. In fact, big changes are on the horizon, but that’s another post for another time. Stay tuned… ;)

I took the day off last Thursday to spend the day with Molly for her birth anniversary. My original plan was to take her to a local amusement park, especially considering how much she enjoyed the dinky carnival rides earlier this month. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find anyone to come with us, and then when the day was humid and looked like rain, I ditched the whole expensive proposition entirely. Instead, I let her have chocolate chip cookies for breakfast (along with scrambled eggs, I’m not totally insane), then dropped Liam off with my sister so she and I could have some “quality girl bonding time.” And by bonding time, I mean she came along with me to run errands that I’d been putting off for weeks. Oops.

But we had fun. Eric ended up taking a half day, so he met us at Chik-fil-a for lunch (this is a big deal, she almost never has fast food and has literally never played in a fast food restaurant play place). We also got some froyo for dessert and then headed to my in-laws for dinner, swimming, and cupcakes. It was a pretty great day overall.

Friday we went into hardcore party prep mode. I work from home Fridays in the summer, and my workday ends at 2pm. Pretty much everything from 2pm Friday to 2pm Sunday was a total whirlwind of activity getting ready for Molly and Addison’s joint birthday party. There was yardwork, intense cleaning, 11pm grocery shopping, trips to Party City, cooking, setting up, hanging banners, and a million other things I can’t even remember. Thank God I had my sister as co-host, otherwise I never would have gotten it all done. I was literally over at my parent’s house picking up chairs to borrow an hour before the party started (and I hadn’t even showered yet).

The party was huge, and I’d say successful, though the stress of throwing it together almost made it not worth it. I can’t tell you how many times my sister and I turned to each other and said, “Why are we doing this again?” When I say I love to entertain, I don’t think I actually mean it. I would love to entertain if I had cleaning people and landscapers and caterers. And Valium. I have none of those things.

We ended up having 50 adults and 26 children attend. Crazy! I had actually wanted to invite more people (if you’re reading this and weren’t invited, you’re probably one of them), but I had to draw the line somewhere… my yard isn’t that big! The best investment we made by far was the giant bounce house/slide combo rental, which was a little pricey but 100% worth it. It kept the kiddos occupied the entire time.

And unlike last year, the weather was awesome. It was a little humid at the start of the party, but I have a lot of shade in my backyard, which made it totally bearable. By early evening the temperature was just perfect. Remember, the whole reason I even bothered throwing a second birthday party was because the weather at her first birthday sucked so much. We needed a do-over.

IMG_9143
IMG_9148

The birthday girls!

The birthday girls!

IMG_9156
IMG_9161IMG_9165IMG_9168IMG_9172

The cutest thing happened later, when we were opening all the gifts. I have to marvel at my girl’s patience… she saw the gift pile, and knew they were all for her, but patiently waited for me to clean everything up before diving in. She asked twice, “Presents now, Mommy?” Finally, when the last dish was washed and the last chair was folded and put away, we let her open them. I have no idea where she got this, but with every gift, she would look into the gift bag and exclaim, “Oh da goodness! Oh da goodness!” before she even saw what was in it. And yes, I got it on video. It’s just tooooo cuuuuuute.

As fun as it was, I’m so, so, so happy it’s all over. This weekend we are going to parties rather than hosting parties. I’m really looking forward to that.

One thing I didn’t do last week was eat. There was just no time! I’m happy to report that between the running around, the stress, and a little bit of working out I am now within 3 lbs of the weight I was when I got pregnant with Liam. I don’t want to call it my “pre-pregnancy weight,” because it’s still way higher than how much I weighed when I got pregnant with Molly. Remember, I was losing weight but not anywhere near my goal when I unexpectedly got pregnant with the little man. BUT, it’s still 30 lbs down from the day I delivered him, and that feels really good. More stuff in my closet fits me. I’m not completely depressed about going to the beach in a month. I still have a long way to go, but it’s a satisfying milestone.

Liam turned 7 months old on Monday, and at his well baby checkup the next day they confirmed he’s the chunkiest monkey. He weighs 19 lbs 8 ounces, and his 9 month clothing is already getting tight. I cannot tell you how much this kid loves to eat. I thought Molly was a pig… no. He eats, and eats, and eats. He also started blowing raspberries, which is freaking adorable. He’s a sturdy sitter and enjoys putting everything in his mouth (which I know is normal, but also something that Molly didn’t do, so it’s weird for me). He loves his mama A LOT, but he’s also a big fan of Molly, and pulling on Daddy’s beard. His smile is infectious. I just can’t imagine life without him. Any time I leave him at home (intentionally, obviously), and try to go somewhere with just Molly, she’ll stop dead in her tracks on the way to the car and say, “Oh no! Baby!”, like I forgot him or something. And no matter how many times I reassure her that he’s fine, and he’s with Daddy, and we’ll see him soon, she inevitably talks about him the entire time we are gone. To say she’s obsessed with her little brother would be an understatement.

I guess that’s all for now. Hope you all have a relaxing and enjoyable 4th!

that chunky monkey

that chunky monkey

one week to one

My aunt yelled at me because I didn’t mention my five year anniversary in my last post. Oops! All in all it was a good day – we both stayed home from work and hosted a yard sale at our house, and actually sold a whole bunch of crap. It was so successful that we plan on having another in July (another yard sale – not another anniversary). Then that night we went to Wendy’s for dinner – not just the drive-thru, mind you, but dined in the restaurant as a family. Yes, so romantic. I don’t ever let Molly (or myself, for that matter) have fast food, so as you can imagine she was in chicken nugget heaven on this rare occasion. We only went because we were on our way to an indoor football game, which is how we closed out the evening. I was really expecting a lavish vacation or a romantic stay at a B&B for 5 years – but hey, a yard sale, Wendy’s dinner date, and football game turned out to be not bad at all.

Other than that, things are just kind of chugging along. I’m still pregnant. Still feeling little flickers of movement and still getting a little rounder each day. A friend of mine posted that her timeshare was available in October and asked if anyone was interested. As I’m sitting there googling flight prices and trying to think how I’m going to convince Eric to go, I had a sudden realization – October. Third trimester. Hello, I’m not going to be allowed on a plane! I literally forgot I was pregnant for a second. That’s something that never, ever happened with Molly.

In one week, my baby girl turns one! Ahhhh!!! One year ago today – 2 days shy of my due date – I was enormously fat and pregnant and hot and miserable. Today I am still kind of fat and definitely pregnant but not miserable. And sometimes I don’t even know I’m pregnant. It’s amazing the difference a year can make.

I just submitted a post to Scary Mommy (even though I have a love/hate relationship with the site in general, I figured it would be fun to be published there. They have over a million readers…and they pay $100 per post). I really hope it’s accepted. It’s all about my guilt over not finishing Molly’s baby book. I know, so ridiculous, right? I’m a writer and I can’t even do it. And she’s my first child! What the heck is wrong with me?

oh, hang on, I know I have a heart-shaped photo around here somewhere...

oh, hang on, I know I have a heart-shaped photo around here somewhere…

I am really going to try to work on it this weekend because my plan was to have it displayed at her birthday party. The most annoying thing – besides finding photos to fit in the weirdly shaped spaces allotted – is trying to remember when things started happening. Molly says Mama/Mommy and Dada/Daddy, but most of all she says, “I DID IT!” She says that all the time. And that’s why baby books exist, right? Because as much as this is part of her identity now, in 5 years I probably won’t remember that every other second she was exclaiming “I DID IT!” and “I DID THAT!” or intentionally dropping toys and saying, “UT!” (no uh-oh. Just ut!).

But when I go back and read old posts, it’s clear how much she has changed already. Like how there was once a time where I fretted over self-feeding and how she didn’t really have the hang of it. HA!! Now the girl could demolish a Porterhouse steak, and I probably wouldn’t even need to cut it. No teeth and all. She is the queen of self-feeding.

So yeah, baby book. I think I’m going to go through all my old photos/videos on my phone to determine when things took place since they are conveniently sorted by date (thanks, iPhone). I do have months 1-5 filled in at least. The photos are going to be the real challenge since the spaces provided are so specific and strange. I want to order a whole bunch to display at her party but I’m waiting to see if the photographer gets her one year photo session proofs done before I do that.

And for this next kid I’m not even attempting the guilt-inducing baby book. I recently discovered (too late for Molly but not too late for lil’ crouton) that there are apps where you input photos and milestones, then order a pre-made book once your baby hits a year. Genius, right? And so much easier than putting pen to paper. I’m definitely going that route for this and subsequent children. If I remember. Eeesh.

dirty, flirty 30

So yesterday was my 30th birthday.

I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m going to complain again. When we were TTC, and experiencing loss, and when I was staying up nights crying into the darkness about how I’d do anything for a baby, hearing anyone complain about pregnancy made me irate…and understandably so. That’s why I just want to acknowledge, again, that I know complaining may sound ungrateful and it may cause some of my homegirls to want to punch me in the face. That’s OK. Please feel free to skip these posts (or, you know, punch me in the face if you really think I deserve it). But I have decided that since I’m all about honesty, and since this is my blog, there’s no use in sugarcoating the ugly reality of the third trimester and how uncomfortable it’s been making me. I’m not glowing…I’m dripping with sweat. I’m not all belly…I’m pretty much obese. And HAHAHA! is what I have to say to the me of several posts back – it turns out you CAN look pregnant from behind. I look pregnant from behind. I definitely do. Do I know it’s going to be worth it? Heck yeah. Do I take back asking for all of this? HECK NO. But still, to properly document my life, I must tell it like it is right now. And right now… it’s rough.

I take birthdays very seriously, and not only do I take the day off work (I now have a 30 year streak of never working on my birthday, and I don’t plan to break it anytime soon), but I also force my mom and sister to take the day off and hang out with me. Generally the plan involves going out to breakfast (by far my favorite meal of the day) and lots of shopping, and then going out to dinner. Most years we drive an hour and a half to the King of Prussia mall (KOP, affectionately), which as anyone in the Philadelphia metro area will tell you is pretty much the best mall ever. It is MASSIVE. Any store you could hope to shop is there.

This year I knew my limits well enough to know that KOP was out of the question. I have a list of nursery needs that I’ve been carting around, and I figured these items were best procured from a discount store, like Marshalls or Ross or Big Lots or Christmas Tree Shops. These are my favorite places to shop lately anyway.

We started out our day running two hours behind schedule just because that’s how it worked out. The birthday crew included my mom, my sister, and my two nieces (aged almost 3 and just turned 1). We drove to my favorite breakfast place, paid for parking, dragged the kids out of the car, walked over and… it was closed for renovations! Boo, hiss. Loaded everyone back up, consulted Yelp real quick, and ended up finding a perfectly respectable place with yummy food. Crisis averted.

We went to Marshalls and spent a couple hours hunting bargains. I was pretty disappointed because of course last time I was there I found a TON of items that perfectly matched my intended nursery decor (and of course I didn’t purchase anything because I wasn’t ready to commit to the theme or the fact that I was actually having a baby just yet), but this time I found nothing. Strangely, they had a lot of cute boy nursery items but not as many things for girls. The one thing from my list that I did find was a robe and comfy pants for the hospital so I don’t have to take pictures in the ugly hospital-issued frock. The robe is black and white, made of a really cool and comfortable stretchy microfiber, and it was $12.99. Score one for Marshalls.

Even though we were running behind schedule, we still had time to go to a few more stores. I should mention here that by this point, after approximately 2 hours of shopping and walking and standing, my feet were completely miserable. These days I can’t help but think of a friend who was pregnant a few years ago who wore these intense white orthopedic shoes every single day, even with skirts and dresses. At the time I was thinking, Oh, weird, if/when I ever get pregnant I’ll never do that. But do you know how much I would have paid to have orthopedic shoes yesterday? Infinity dollars. My feet were K-I-L-L-I-N-G me. My sister and my mom were apparently laughing behind my back because usually on Birthday Shopping Day I’m the one dragging them around and rolling my eyes at how long it takes them to do everything. Yesterday was a huge role reversal, and I was the one constantly seeking out chairs and bathrooms and walking at the speed of molasses. I couldn’t even handle the checkout line, and opted instead to go sit in the car and wait for them.

They came out of the store and started sorting out everyone’s items and loaded up the little girls into my sister’s car (she had driven separately because she had to leave earlier). Then all of the sudden, my sister ran over in complete hysterics. She had accidentally locked her keys and her babies in the hot car, windows up.

The whole thing was so scary. I mean, when I say hot car, it was 65 and sunny, not like 90 degrees or something. Otherwise we would have found a brick and broken the window. But as it was, it was pretty terrible watching the kids cry and sweat in there with no way to comfort them and no way to open the damn doors. We called 911 and the cop came and used some giant hanger looking thing to pry the lock. The whole experience felt like it took hours but really it was only about 25 minutes start to finish. Sweaty girls were comforted, water was distributed, and we ventured on.

We were supposed to hit like four more stores but after all the drama of the morning and due to the fact that my feet felt like I had just climbed up and down Mount Everest 14 times, my heart just wasn’t in it. We stopped in two more stores quickly, but again I didn’t find anything. Honestly, the most stuff I got was at Wegmans about an hour later. Leave it to a pregnant chick to do her birthday shopping at the grocery store. (Favorite purchase of the day: Turkey Hill All Natural Mango ice cream – a new flavor!).

As I may have mentioned, Eric is away on a business trip in New Orleans, so he wasn’t even there to celebrate with me. I guess it’s not that big of a deal and we can just celebrate later. He did send me lovely flowers, which were waiting for me when I got home. I had just enough time to put away my groceries before heading back out to dinner with my parents, sister + fam, and a friend I haven’t seen in a while. It was a nice way to end a physically and mentally exhausting day. Well, that and the ginormous bowl of mango ice cream I indulged in later on.

30 feels a lot like 29, except when it feels like 85, which is to say every day lately. I’m so run-down and exhausted and I hate that I can’t physically do the things I need to do (LIKE…SHOP). I don’t know why I was kind of expecting this in the last two weeks or so of pregnancy, but totally was not expecting it for the entirety of the third trimester. If I had to do a pregnancy breakdown, it would go something like this:

Weeks 1-4 – Hope against hope.
Weeks 4-12 – Absolute terror that something will go wrong.
Weeks 12-16 – Ok, all right, this is pretty cool. Cute bump!
Weeks 16-18 – Wait… why am I getting so fat?
Weeks 18-22 – Seriously, I need to stop gaining so much weight.
Weeks 22-26 – Ice cream is a food group, right?
weeks 26-30 – Now I feel stupid for saying people can’t look pregnant from behind.
weeks 30-34 – Feet! Oh, my feet! Is there somewhere I can sit down? I just need to sit down.

I’m pretty sure the solution is to be more physically active from the get-go, which would allow me to be more physically active now, which would just make me feel better overall. If I ever get pregnant again, that will be the goal. My excuse for not doing this is that I was so terrified in the first trimester that even low-impact exercise seemed ill-advised. That, and I’m a little lazy.

Anyway! My mom loved her thirties. My 87-year-old grandmother called to wish me a happy birthday and said that her favorite years were 30 to 35, which is pretty specific, and seeing as how she’s lived through almost 8 full decades I’m thinking she would know.

All in all, turning 30 isn’t so bad.

Twenty-nine

I’m 29 today (shout out to all my Taurus peeps!) Strangely enough, 29 is a lucky number for me. I’ve been keeping track of all the 29 occurrences in my life, and I figured today was as good a day as any to post them.

  • May 29th, 2010 was my wedding day. It was an awesome day. Everything went perfectly, we got just the right amount of drunk (fun, dancing drunk but not fall over and throw up drunk) and best of all, I finally got to marry to the love of my live. Now he’s stuck with me…forever.
just the right amount of wine

just the right amount of wine

  •  May 29th, 2010 was also, coincidentally, the day Hollywood Video officially went out of business. Who cares? Well, without Hollywood Video, Eric and I may never have met. He was my manager (but don’t judge – we didn’t start dating until long after I’d left the company).
  • Eric was 29 when we got married.
  • Warren G. Harding was the 29th president of the United States. (Oh, and my last name is Harding).
  • My grandmother was 29 when she had her first child, which, as you can imagine, was lot less common back in that time. She was told she’d never be able to have children. She had six. (Interestingly, I also have six. Frozen… in a freezer).

Of course, each birthday is bittersweet as I creep closer to the end of my fertile days. Does that sound depressing? Yes, I’m still young. But still, I want to have more than one child. I want to have more than two. How many, I’m not really sure, but I come from a big family and I’ve always wanted a big family. Each year that I don’t get started makes me so anxious.

But enough about that because it’s my birthday, y’all. I had a fun day of shopping with my mom and I came home to flowers and a cupcake (red velvet with ivory frosting to mimic our wedding cake) from my hubs, so you know, I took a leeeetle tiny break from the diet today. And my tummy was so mad. But it was worth it.

So 29 is here, and I’m ready, because 29 will be full of luck and love. And hopefully, you know, a baby.