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Dec 22

here’s why she’s not getting any new toys for Christmas (seriously)

Dec 22

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There’s something undeniably pathetic about the pile of worn, pre-loved presents that I set aside to wrap for Madeline. Do I not love my third child enough? the critical voice in my head demands.

I felt guilty about it for about five seconds. Then I move on.

I remember Molly’s first Christmas well. She was six months old and even though Eric and I promised that we wouldn’t go overboard because she didn’t need anything and wouldn’t know any better, we swiftly broke our own rule. Somewhere, in my iCloud, there’s a video of both of us excitedly ripping open the same presents we wrapped a few days before as a bewildered (yet adorable) infant gazes on. Predictably, she only wanted to play with the boxes.

This year I actually stuck to my word for several reasons. The first is a matter of practicality. Eric is a consultant who only gets paid for hours worked, which has never affected us before but has suddenly become a real and important detail of his job. Almost zero billable hours available in December has meant a round of layoffs (which he survived, thank God), several people quitting, and the two of us gritting our teeth and having to make a few tense phone calls to people like our mortgage company.

But don’t fret for us too much — this is all supposed to magically turn around in January (and if it doesn’t, he’ll have to look for some other sort of employment). Of course, when we’re literally counting pennies while grocery shopping, it doesn’t leave any wiggle room for extras like Christmas gifts. I was forced to rein it in this year.

The second reason is my desperate pursuit of minimalism, or as close to it as I can feasibly get with three kids. If you think about it, our financial crisis couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve gotten really good at limiting the number of new items coming into the house (see above, re: our income took a nosedive), but not so great at purging all the stuff I accumulated before my minimalist epiphany.

There is a medium-sized basket full of baby toys that I know Madeline will play with and enjoy. Since my firstborn was female, most of the toys are even pink and stereotypically girl-themed (a fact which never bothered infant aged Liam in the slightest). The only reason I’m putting forth the effort to wrap them is because of my 3-year-old, who will surely cry if her beloved baby sister doesn’t have any gifts from Santa (I can just imagine the conversation now: “Mommy, was she BAD? Does Santa think our baby is a BAD BABY?”)

As for the explanation over Madeline receiving pre-loved gifts, I’m still trying to figure out how I should explain it (and am open for suggestions if you have any). For now, I’m thinking I’ll tell her that Santa knew she would love Molly’s toys better than any new ones and so he stopped by, brought them to his workshop to polish them up, and brought them back all wrapped and ready. Or, Molly will be so enamored by her own presents that she won’t even notice.

The other two did get brand-new-purchased-from-the-store toys… but not very many. Ask Molly what she wants for Christmas and you’ll be rewarded with a list of three items that has not changed one bit since early November:

“For Christmas, I want Shimmer and Shine a big giant LOL Ball and Satin and Chenille.” Now imagine this said in one giant breath as if she’s being timed on it.

Shimmer and Shine are characters from a Nickelodeon cartoon that I’m almost certain she’s never seen. Satin and Chenille are from Trolls. A big giant LOL ball is a total ripoff and also one of the hottest toys of the Christmas season. It’s sold out everywhere and enterprising Ebayers are gleefully charging double what they paid. Obviously, I got her one (not from eBay).

She also has a couple other things I saw and purchased because the girl is so dang easy to shop for. Liam is the total opposite. He’s not really “into” anything yet, besides the show Beat Bugs on Netflix, so he got some appropriately-themed items. We also picked up a used Strider balance bike from my SIL as his big gift for the year. (Cost = free).

Eric and I agreed not to purchase anything for each other either. Overall, it’s going to be an extremely light Christmas, gift-wise. But I’m getting to be OK with that.

I’m trying so hard to be grateful every day for what I have. A friend of mine just shared a link about the horrible situation going on in Venezuela where children are literally starving to death thanks to a corrupt government. I read things like that, or articles about real poverty in our own country, and I can’t help but feel ridiculous for complaining that my kids won’t have mountains of presents on Christmas morning. Money may be tight, but for God’s sake we’re eating. I don’t go to bed at night wondering if my children will starve to death. I just cannot fathom.

So that’s my spiel, a.k.a. justification for skimping out on baby Madeline’s first Christmas. I can’t feel too bad for the kid since the only thing she’s interested in is boobies and, lately, examining her hands. It’s a fact: 4-month-old babies don’t care how many presents they get on Christmas morning.

Madeline, if you’re reading this in 20 years, know that mama loves you immensely. You might not have stacks on stacks of brand new presents, but you do have a pre-chewed Sophie the Giraffe.

And that is enough.

Posted by amanda 2 Comments
Filed Under: monthly updates, the big things, the little things Tagged: Christmas

Dec 31

oh, what a year it’s been

Dec 31

What started out as a Christmas recap/Molly’s 6-month update post has now been hastily turned into a year end recap, or life right now recap, because I just haven’t had the time to streamline my disjointed thoughts into coherent sentences. The funny part is that now that I have a job where I could conceivably blog on lunch breaks or when I come in super early every day (because every website in the world isn’t blocked like it was at my last job), I’m usually too busy with actual WORK to spend any time blogging. Plus, I’ve been really good about going to the gym during lunch, even in the hard-to-stay-motivated month of December. So… yay for me and my jiggly thighs, boo for my blog. I’m sorry.

I’m sure I don’t have to spell out for anyone, especially all you faithful blog readers, that 2014 has really been the best year EVER. I mean… duh. Not only did my dream of becoming a mommy finally come true, but also I scored a job at the company I’ve been targeting for years, and so far, everything is just as good as I thought it would be (and yes, I am talking to my coworkers more, and you were all right, I was just being impatient about making new friends).

Christmas was so awesome. I took off on Christmas Eve and the company gave everyone off on the 25th (obviously) and the 26th (yay!), which meant that I got to spend 5 entire days with my sweet girl and my dear husband. Despite a 24-hour bout of sickness that I thought was the flu but probably wasn’t actually the flu, it was pure bliss.

But also kind of sad. Because the more time I spent with Molly, the more I got to know her… I mean, really know her on that day-to-day basis that I don’t usually get to see. And as much as I enjoy working, especially at my new job, it was a little depressing, you know? I had 8 weeks off with her when she was first born, but that’s when she was all newborn-y and hadn’t developed a personality yet. During the five days of Christmas break, I got to know her on a deeper level and to really enjoy her company, rather than just try to cram as much as possible into that one hour window before bedtime or our whirlwind weekends of errand running and other events. So yeah, it was great, but it also made me feel wistful…and thankful that I basically have the same thing this week (working from home today, then off until Monday). So talk to me on January 5th and I’m sure I’ll be even more sad/wistful than I am now.

But for now, I’m just looking forward to another nice break, and more time hanging out with our little family. Especially since we’re spending New Year’s Eve at home for the first time in a long time.

Here are a few highlights from last week:

-Molly LOVES being around people and commotion, and proved this by staying up a full 3 hours past her bedtime on Christmas Eve. She didn’t waver – not even as the clock crept toward 10pm. My little trooper! We got a late start to Christmas Eve dinner (par for the course with my family), and didn’t get to present opening until way late. Luckily, we always go in age order youngest to oldest when opening gifts, so Molly was first. Wouldn’t you know – she did a great job tearing that paper! She got a bunch of toys, which she desperately needed, and then promptly fell asleep once her turn was done. I figured she’d sleep soundly through the night after all that, but OH NO, that girl was up every hour from about 1am to 5am. One of those times I was so exhausted that I didn’t even wake up to her crying, and Eric was the one to go fetch her, try unsuccessfully to comfort her, and then bring her to me (literally, the first time that’s ever happened). Eeesh. She was up for the day by 6am and ready to open her Santa presents. I think she likes getting gifts…

Christmas Eve and so many presents!

Christmas Eve and so many presents!

gift opening pro

gift opening pro

-Our big girl turned 6 months old on the 23rd. Every month I think to myself, “No, this is the best age!” and I keep wondering when that’s going to end (hopefully never?). She can sit up pretty solidly, though we usually do put a pillow behind her just in case, and have had a few unfortunate head-bumping incidents. I’m definitely not saying this to brag, but I’m super impressed with her fine motor skills. Her Nana bought her one of those old school wooden block toys where you fit the shapes into the holes of the cube (I hope that explanation makes sense), and it’s for ages 2 and up, but we figured hey, why not let her just bang the wooden shapes around. Not only does she insist on trying to put the shapes in (and understand that that’s the point of it)… she can almost do it! I seriously sat there recording her attempts for 10 minutes, but so far she hasn’t actually done it. Oh, well. She’s very good at focusing on tasks and I have no doubt she’ll have those blocks dominated in no time.

6 months!

6 months!

so close...

so close…

-Here’s another fun new thing Molly started doing: giving kisses. If you’re ever feeling down, just take a little drive over to PA and I promise, these kisses will put a gigantic smile on your face. She gets this very intense look, grabs your face on both side with her two hands, and with an open, drool-y mouth, pulls your cheek (or your mouth, or nose, or whatever) to her mouth for a few seconds and releases. Then she always has a satisfied little grin when she’s done! I almost don’t want her to learn how to kiss correctly because the way she does it now is just TOO MUCH.

Well friends, it’s time for me to bid farewell to the amazing-ness of 2014. There’s so many things to look forward to in 2015. I find myself doing that a lot lately – looking forward to things. I’m not so obsessed about that one thing (MUST HAVE BABY), so finally I’m able to think about other things, which is nice. I didn’t bother with resolutions. I just hope to continue being grateful for all the blessings I’ve already been given.

May your year be filled with happiness! Love you all.

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Posted by amanda 6 Comments
Filed Under: milestones, monthly updates Tagged: 6 months, Christmas, New Year's Eve

Dec 12

we’re not getting a tree this year

Dec 12

At first I was disappointed, but I’ve come to terms with it.

Here’s the deal: we have been married for three and a half years, and the past three Christmases together we have had Christmas trees.

In 2010, we got a dinky little fake tree from a present exchange that actually fit perfectly in our dinky little apartment. It was adorable.

small, sparse, and special: our first tree

small, sparse, and special: our first tree

In 2011, we got all ambitious since we had just purchased a house and went to a tree farm to cut down our own tree. It was hard work (not that I did any of it besides voice my opinion, ha). The experience proved interesting because we actually had a nest of praying mantis babies living in the tree, a phenomenon that occurs in approximately 1% of all trees sold or something crazy like that. Praying mantises are said to be good luck, so I took it as a sign that 2011 would be *our year* and that we’d finally have our baby. Yeah, you can see how well that worked out.

overcompensating for the previous year?

overcompensating for the previous year?

I don’t remember exactly why, but last year we were feeling a bit Grinch-like around the holidays. Eric didn’t want to get a tree at all. Since I’m a huge sucker for Christmas, I finally convinced him to let me go down the street and buy one from the Boy Scouts who sell trees outside the gas station about a half mile from our house. Despite its sketchy origins, it was the best looking tree so far and a fantastic bargain at a cost of just $30. Gas station trees: don’t knock ’em til you try ’em. (And as a side note, there are still pine needles embedded in the back of my car from that half mile drive back to the house. No clue how that’s possible).

the perfect gas station tree

the perfect gas station tree

That brings us to 2013. I’ve made no secret of the fact that money is tight around here, and the impending arrival of this child is a very real and pressing financial concern. Spending $30 on a tree is just something that isn’t logical at the moment. And sure, my parents would probably buy one for us if I really wanted them to… but Eric also brought up the good point that since we agreed not to exchange gifts this year, it seems a little depressing to have a tree with no pretty presents underneath it. I totally get that logic. And what’s more, I know one thing for certain…this will be our last year without a tree.

Yes, next year (God-willing), we will have a baby at home. A six-month old who will certainly have gifts from Santa piled high on Christmas morning (OK, piled modestly. Still piled), so clearly we’ll NEED a tree. And the year after that, (s)he may even have an idea of what’s going on. Each year thereafter will get more and more magical, and if all goes to plan, we’ll add more sweet babies to the mix as the years go by. Christmas will never be the same again.

So how can I be sad? Even if we don’t exchange presents on December 25th, I’ve already been given the greatest gift I could ever hope to get. And even if we made the financially responsible decision and decided to “skip” Christmas this year, I know that we will never do that again. For once, I can wait. I can make it through the rest of 2013 with dreams of 2014 dancing in my head.

That’s enough for me.

Posted by amanda 11 Comments
Filed Under: miscellany, the little things Tagged: Christmas, Christmas tree

hello, my name is deeda


sister, daughter, wife, and mama to 5 sweet children on earth, 4 in heaven. self-conscious writer. voracious reader. sarcasm enthusiast. dependable Taurus. lover of broken things. reluctant adult. FOMO sufferer. drinker of coffee. burner of toast.

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