Well, it’s 12dpt and I’m feeling fine. Mostly fine because (I think?) I’m still pregnant.

I kind of gave up on the signs and symptoms list (though maybe I will post it eventually) because I realized that it didn’t say much at all. The truth is that it’s just way too damn early for any “signs.” Every month that I got my hopes up for twinges, sore boobs and excessive bathroom trips was just a fluke. Really I should have been more excited to feel absolutely nothing at all, since apparently that’s what pregnant feels like.

The number one thing I feel is… ready for it?… rage. Yes, I am angry about everything. Eric and I keep getting into fights and I call him mean, but then he says, “What are you talking about? You’re the one being mean.” I guess I do notice it. I’m not a total bitch normally, but I’m also not the nicest, sweetest person you’ll ever meet. I’m a bit snarky and sarcastic and I don’t easily forgive faults. Some might even call me judgmental. These things are just part of my nature.

But now…now I’m just so angry about everything. Then I get angry at myself for being so angry. Minor irritations put me over the edge. My dogs have been driving me absolutely nuts. I can’t even explain how frustrating it is to be pissed off for no good reason. It’s actually pissing me off trying to figure out how to explain it.

I really thought I would feel different. I know I’ve probably mentioned this before. I thought I would go about my day and just feel a sense of elation to exist, knowing that I was growing a baby inside of me. You know what? I feel exactly the same as before. I have to keep reminding myself that this is really happening.

As for cravings – obviously it’s way too early for those, but over the past few days I’ve felt a sense of wanting something (and it feels like I want a food or beverage) but I don’t know what it is. I want it very much, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what I want. Are you starting to see where some of this anger is coming from?

I’m also a little worried about work. I work for a dot com and the big joke is that “we’re
shutting down tomorrow,” but lately that’s starting to look more and more likely. There have been a few shake-ups that make me nervous, especially if this pregnancy really happens. I know people aren’t technically supposed to discriminate, but come on. I really doubt a waddling 6 months pregnant woman is going to get hired anywhere.

Ok done bitching and moaning for today. If anyone could clue me in to what I’m craving, that would be greeaaat.