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Mar 13

anger and (probably not even pregnancy related) cravings

Mar 13

Well, it’s 12dpt and I’m feeling fine. Mostly fine because (I think?) I’m still pregnant.

I kind of gave up on the signs and symptoms list (though maybe I will post it eventually) because I realized that it didn’t say much at all. The truth is that it’s just way too damn early for any “signs.” Every month that I got my hopes up for twinges, sore boobs and excessive bathroom trips was just a fluke. Really I should have been more excited to feel absolutely nothing at all, since apparently that’s what pregnant feels like.

The number one thing I feel is… ready for it?… rage. Yes, I am angry about everything. Eric and I keep getting into fights and I call him mean, but then he says, “What are you talking about? You’re the one being mean.” I guess I do notice it. I’m not a total bitch normally, but I’m also not the nicest, sweetest person you’ll ever meet. I’m a bit snarky and sarcastic and I don’t easily forgive faults. Some might even call me judgmental. These things are just part of my nature.

But now…now I’m just so angry about everything. Then I get angry at myself for being so angry. Minor irritations put me over the edge. My dogs have been driving me absolutely nuts. I can’t even explain how frustrating it is to be pissed off for no good reason. It’s actually pissing me off trying to figure out how to explain it.

I really thought I would feel different. I know I’ve probably mentioned this before. I thought I would go about my day and just feel a sense of elation to exist, knowing that I was growing a baby inside of me. You know what? I feel exactly the same as before. I have to keep reminding myself that this is really happening.

As for cravings – obviously it’s way too early for those, but over the past few days I’ve felt a sense of wanting something (and it feels like I want a food or beverage) but I don’t know what it is. I want it very much, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what I want. Are you starting to see where some of this anger is coming from?

I’m also a little worried about work. I work for a dot com and the big joke is that “we’re
shutting down tomorrow,” but lately that’s starting to look more and more likely. There have been a few shake-ups that make me nervous, especially if this pregnancy really happens. I know people aren’t technically supposed to discriminate, but come on. I really doubt a waddling 6 months pregnant woman is going to get hired anywhere.

Ok done bitching and moaning for today. If anyone could clue me in to what I’m craving, that would be greeaaat.

Posted by amanda 5 Comments
Filed Under: IVF, pregnancy Tagged: anger, cravings