burnt toast life

50 questions

My dear blog friend Amber tagged me to do this, and since I have no brain power to formulate an original post (at least not one that actually makes it from my brain to WordPress), I’m happily obliging. Because I love talking about myself. Obviously.

Without further ado…

50 Questions I’ve Never Been Asked

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?
I don’t burn candles but I do diffuse essential oils. Or shall I say, essential OIL, because my one true love is YL thieves and I just constantly diffuse it in every room. I know that’s not the “right way” to essential oil because you’re supposed to use different oils for different purposes but thieves just smells so damn good and makes me happy plus I’m way too overwhelmed to learn about all the other ones. At least for right now.

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?
Any of them… so I could ask her to borrow money. HA!

J/K. I like my actual sisters.

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?
Same answer as above. I’m not enamored by celebrities at all.

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?
I was 26.

5. Do you know a hoarder?
The closest I can think of is my parents, though they would argue that they are “collectors,” not hoarders. All I know is they have a helluva lot of stuff in that basement. I do not look forward to cleaning it out when they move on to a retirement home.

6. Can you do the splits?
This is a very weird way to say this… the splits? Is that how you’re supposed to refer to them?

I could do a regular split in high school during my cheerleader days. I could never do a straddle split, no matter how much I stretched.

7. How old were you when you first learned how to ride a bike?
5? 6? I don’t even know why I’m doing this; I have a terrible memory.

8. How many oceans have you swam in?
Two – Atlantic and Caribbean.

9. How many countries have you been to?
Only 5 — France, Monaco, Canada, Dominican Republic, and Grand Cayman.

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?
There are lots of veterans in my family, including my husband.

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?
I have two – Molly and Madeline.

12. What would you name your son if you had one?
Liam!

13. What’s the worst grade you’ve got on a test?
I’ve definitely failed a test or two. Math and Science; never English or Reading.

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid?
When I was a little kid I was all about Fraggle Rock. But sometime during childhood my parents got rid of television and I never got to see any of those 90s shows that everyone talks about. I don’t think I missed much.

15. What did you dress up as for Halloween when you were 8?
Uhhh… seriously? I have no idea.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?
No, yes, yes.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?
I like British accents but I also like me just the way I am.

18. Did your mother go to college?
Nope.

19. Are your grandparents still married?
My maternal grandmother is a widow and my paternal grandparents are still married.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?
Yes! My whole family did karate for a solid year when I was young. I think I made it up to the second level (orange belt? Is that right?) before we all gave up on our Karate Kid dreams.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?
Obviously yes.

22. What was the first amusement park you went to?
I want to say Dorney Park because it’s the one I remember visiting all the time and I still love it there but it’s probably Sesame Place (which I hated).

23. What language beside your native language would you like to be fluent in?
FRENCH. I’m such a Francophile.

24. Do you spell the color grey or gray?
Gray because I’m American and that’s how we do in ‘MURICA.

25. Is your father bald?
No.

26. Do you know any triplets?
My husband worked with a triplet a few jobs ago and we went to her wedding. I think she was a natural triplet?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?
I went to see Titanic in the theater seven times. I had a real thing for Leonardo DiCaprio and was a melodramatic teen when that movie came out.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?
I have.

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?
White Orchids. THE BEST THAI.

30. Have you ever been to Nandos?
No, but now I’m skeptical of this survey because someone else said it’s super British. We don’t have Nandos in the US. Is that why they call it “the splits?” Is that a British thing?

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, Bookers, etc.)?
Sam’s Club only because it’s the closest to my house.

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?
Michael. They were fairly convinced I was a boy, actually, until I came out.

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?
Deeda!

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?
I have lots of favorite people for different reasons. They know who they are.

35. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?
Thank God I’m a country girl.

36. Can you whistle?
Not even a little bit.

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?
I sleep with a salt lamp, which is really like a night light. Eric complains about it ALL THE TIME because he’d rather have the room pitch dark but I’ve truly come to love it over the years and couldn’t imagine not having it. I don’t know if it’s really making me healthier but I like the dim glow, especially when little visitors come tiptoeing in after having a nightmare or when I need to change a tiny diaper at 3AM.

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?
Without fail.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?
I should be taking prenatals because I’m still breastfeeding but I ran out and have failed to purchase more. I am the worst.

40. What medical conditions do you have?
None that I know of.

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?
Just 3 for 3 c-sections.

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?
Many times.

43. Where do you buy your jeans?
I can’t remember the last time I bought jeans.

44. What’s the last compliment you got?
“You’re the best mommy I never saw.” <--- direct quote 45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?
Sometimes.

46. What flavor of tea do you enjoy?
What flavor of tea DON’T I enjoy? (Also, now 100% convinced this is a British poll).

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?
Much fewer than I used to… I’ll say maybe 20-30? I keep paring down as I slowly come to the realization that I’ll never rock 4″ heels again.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?
They will be good Catholics and THEY WILL LOVE IT.

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?
9ish… I remember the exact moment I found out the truth. And how my mom said, “Oh good, now you can help me wrap all the presents for your brother and sister.”

50. Why do you have a blog?
I have no idea anymore. It started out as a way to connect with others suffering through infertility and now I don’t want to give it up because I like it here. My posts get about 1/4 of the views they used to and it’s become increasingly difficult to figure out what to write about (or find time to write once I do nail down a topic) but every time I do write or get a comment, it buoys me up and reminds me why I still do this. I guess because I see no reason NOT to do it, even if I only post every month or two as opposed to every week. One day I’ll look back read these posts and it’ll make me smile, I think. So if you’re here, I’m here. Even if you’re not here… I’ll still probably be here.

And now I’m going to be an asshole and not tag anyone specific to “copy and repost” because most of the people I read have already been tagged. But if you do feel inspired to fill this out, please do, I’d love to hear if you can do the splits or not.

7QT on a Thursday

A lot of the bloggers I read now do this thing called 7QT, an acronym which took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out and even when I Google it, nothing helpful comes up so maybe it’s just a v. v. small subset of the blogosphere using it. 7QT = 7 quick takes = 7 random things going on right at this moment.

So since I can’t seem to get my ish together to write a long post with any kind of cohesive theme and since I have so many things to cover all the time, I’m just going to go with it.

1. My baby is turning 3 tomorrow. MY BABY. IS TURNING. 3. TOMORROW.
If I’m being honest though, I feel like she’s been 3 for a while now because I do this thing where I round up my kids’ ages, which my mom calls me crazy for but sometimes it just makes sense. Like, she was calling my little sister 11 literally the day before her 12th birthday and I’m like, mom, get over it. She’s 12.

Maybe I round up kind of early but oh well. Part of it is that she acts 3 and has been exceptionally mature for such a long time, I just can’t think of her as 2. And because it’s been so gradual I haven’t exactly noticed it, but at times I’ll go back and watch videos of her from as close as 6 months ago and just be amazed at the difference in how she speaks. I’ve been taking for granted how easy it is to communicate even complex emotions with her and as much as I hate that she’s growing up, I also love it. She’s becoming her own little individual with quirks and mannerisms and I can’t wait to see what’s up next.

We’re having a very tiny get-together at our house tomorrow with pizza and cake. Half the family can’t be there and since my sister is so close to popping out her kid, I’m truly expecting her to call me tonight and announce she’s in labor. Which would be cool since Molly and her cousin would share a birthday, but would also NOT be cool because her family is half our party guests and Molly is so thrilled about her little not-really-a-party that I can’t bear to break her little heart.

2. I’m also, ahem, 30 weeks pregnant as of yesterday. WHAT.
No closer to being ready for the baby to come, but I did buy an obnoxiously large box of baby wipes at SAMS Club yesterday and got a little weepy when I realized that many of them would be wiping a tiny baby bottom very soon. Very, very soon.

3. Molly gives birth every day.
Not surprisngly, Molly’s favorite thing to play lately has been “having a baby.” She stuffs dolls and balls under her shirt, insists I call the doctor, and even has a green plastic saw that she uses to get the baby out. I’m not sure how she knows to lie down with her knees up and to wince in pain when the baby is actually being extracted… (seriously…), but she does. Maybe it’s some innate woman thing.

4. Working from home is absolutely glorious.
I cannot stress this enough. I love it. Loooooove itttttt. There were definitely some bumps in the road and there still will be, but overall I am completely happy and feel like I am where I need to be. On beautiful days, I pack up a lunch and bring the kids to my MIL’s pool around lunchtime (along with my au pair, who watches them until I’m done working). So when I sign off at 2PM, I’m literally poolside. That’s how I’m spending my summer. Not stuck in an office… not counting down the minutes until the weekend… at the pool, with my family. I am so grateful for this job it’s ridiculous.

And while I wasn’t expecting this, I actually like the job itself, too. I became so obsessed with the idea of working from home that I would have taken any opportunity to do so, even a really awful sounding one. But I really like my team, I like the things I’m writing, and I felt this definite surge of pride when I got companywide props today when one of my articles was trending on Yahoo.

I’d say my only complaint is that I’m running into the issue Eric warned me about with working from home… since my office is in my home, I’m always at work, and I have noticed I seem to work more now than I did before. I’m one of those people who likes to have things “done,” so if one of my articles is ready for the next step at 7PM, I’ll totally want to log on and do it, rather than waiting for morning. I need to stop doing that.

5. Liam is talking…and eating… and eating.
I found the best swimsuit for Liam that says “Always Hungry” with a giant open shark mouth on it and it’s truly like it was meant for him. He eats and eats and eats and eats and then announces he’s hungry. The only time he isn’t eating is when he’s sleeping… and he has totally fallen asleep while eating. Bottomless. Pit.

He also picked up the phrase “I want to get out,” but not necessarily the proper usage for it. So “I want to get out” could mean anything from I want get out to I want to get up, get down, go there, open that, eat this. It’s really universal.

Also, he says it in this pretty awesome Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque accent, so picture it repeated 100 times a day as sounding like “I wanna get AHHHWWWT!”

6. I’ve become obsessed with Jane.
As in, this super cute daily deals site. I’m not actually buying things because hello, 7 months pregnant, but I am pining over them and anxiously awaiting a day when I’m NOT super fat so I can get all the things for none of the monies. Check them out.

7. This is the busiest week ever.
Molly’s dance recital dress rehearsal was today, her birthday/mini party is tomorrow, her recital is Saturday, and Sunday we leave for a week of camping. I’m pretty excited to be extending our normal weekend camping jaunts into a longer trip because getting everything packed and ready for camping is no small feat and then it seems like such a waste to only stay for a weekend. After our camping week, we head back home and thankfully don’t have much going on for July besides our annual beach trip. So maybe I can spend some time getting stuff ready for the baby. HA!

I would promise to speak soon, but that could be a total lie, so how about I’ll just leave it at I’ll see ya when I see ya and goodnight (it is almost 9PM, after all).

top 10 new baby must-haves, courtesy of a veteran mom

Now that I’m two kids wiser and currently incubating a third, some people may think that I know what I’m doing.

HA!

The truth is that I’m just as insecure and confused as everyone, but still that doesn’t stop me from handing out unsolicited advice whenever possible. So when the lovely folks over at The Baby Cubby approached me about potentially writing a post highlighting some of my favorite products for new & veteran moms alike, I was happy to oblige. Because while I haven’t quite figured out the “secret” to great parenting (though I’m inclined to think it has something to do with being a billionaire and having lots of live-in help), I have been able to determine which products get used regularly and which are sadly accumulating dust in my yard sale pile.

I had never heard of The Baby Cubby, but a little poking around on their site was all it took for me to give them two big thumbs up. This is for a couple of reasons. First, they carried all the products I knew I wanted to recommend anyway. And second, they had a curated collection of items rather than a smorgasbord of ABSOLUTELY ALL THE THINGS. Because as much as I love Amazon, it can be overwhelming shopping for carseats when your search turns up 10,000 results and you have not the time nor the energy to sort through them all (because kids, sleep, job, husband). With an online boutique focused on doing all that research for you and only offering the best of the best (and often price-matching with Amazon and free shipping over $49), you don’t need to spend hours combing through reviews. The work is done. Hooray! Go have some ice cream.

So without further ado, here are some of my most favoritest finds for new mommies (and new babies):

1) Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper Bag

Now, I do know that diaper bags can be a controversial topic, and technically you don’t need a fancy diaper bag for toting around a bunch of (literal and figurative) baby crap. I KNOW. But after years spent working in the Nordstrom infant department and watching all the ritzy mommies buying up these bags, I knew I had to have one. I added it to my registry not expecting to get it (because they aren’t cheap) and was pleasantly surprised when someone purchased it for my baby shower. Without her generosity, I’d be stuffing soiled onesies into a resusable shopping bag (which is totally OK too, FYI), but now I’m carrying around those poopy pants in style. Bonus: When I looked, Baby Cubby had some prints on sale.

What I like about this bag:
– The fold out changing pad, which detaches so you can wash it
– Lots ‘o pockets inside
– Long adjustable strap so you can wear it as a crossbody bag
– Detachable backpack straps, if you’re into that sort of thing
– Coated material is easy to wipe down and keep clean

2) Britax Be-Safe Car Seat

Choosing a car seat is a huge challenge because it seems like they range in price from $5 to $3,000 and obviously you want your kid to be safe, but you don’t want to like, have to take out a second mortgage to afford one, right?

When I was car seat shopping, I just went with the one the store recommended because I was wayyyy too overwhelmed to do anything else. But now two kids later I’m actually quite pleased with that choice and would make it again, and I know for a fact that my more research-savvy mom friends have picked this same brand after doing extensive comparing and contrasting that I never bothered with. So we’ll call this one a “happy accident” (kinda like Liam was) and say I went with the right choice by mistake. Score!

3) Ergobaby Four Position 360 Carrier

I’ve read 3,000 word blog posts on the pros and cons of every kind of baby carrier (truly, my life is riveting) but in the end, I had to just buy a bunch and use them for myself to know which one I liked best. I love a good Moby wrap but I find that they’re only good for the newborn stage, and once your baby gets curious about his/her surroundings you need to step up to the next level – enter ErgoBaby 360.

I don’t actually have one of these yet, but I have borrowed it enough from various friends and family members to know that I need one before I have this next baby. One of my favorite features is that it can be used for front-inward or front-outward, and TRUST ME, it’s worth splurging that extra $20 or whatever to get the 360. Because as beautiful and amazing as your chest is, your baby will reach a point when he/she just wants to look at the world, and having the front-facing option is awesome. I have another brand of front facing carrier that does not have that bottom strap thing for back support, and believe me, you need the weight distribution. Especially if you wind up with a fat baby like I did.

4) Aden + Anais Silky Soft Bamboo Burpy Bib

Again, when it comes to burp cloths, you could certainly throw a stained old kitchen towel over your shoulder and call it a day, because these things are literally designed to mop up regurgitated breast milk. But so many things about being a mom are not glamorous, and I feel like we deserve nice things to help get us through endless days and sleepless nights with newborns. There is something about these simple burp cloths that just makes me happy. The whimsical pattern? Yes. The soft construction? Yes. The clever design that sits on your shoulder just-so? Absolutely. So while you could use an old yucky dish towel… don’t. Buy these, and pamper yourself a little, mama.

BONUS: Looks like these went through a redesign since I bought mine, and now they double as baby bibs too. Genius, I tell you.

5) Boon Lawn Counter Top Drying Rack 

Even though neither of my two kids are currently drinking bottles, this thing is still taking up residence on my kitchen counter because it’s so dang convenient – and it’s actually cute, too! I use it to dry sippy cups and Gyro bowls, and I’ll even drape silicone bibs on it sometimes. It’s easy to throw in the dishwasher to clean, but please don’t make the same mistake I did…put it on the top rack only. Did you know plastic grass can melt? Yeah…

6) Crane USA Drop Shape Cool Mist Humidifier

As the mom of a toddler who gets bloody noses alllll the freaking time, a humidifier is a must-have for sure. Unfortunately, ours broke beyond repair and is still sitting in Eric’s “Yeah, I’ll get right on fixing that” pile. Hence, I’m in the market for a new one. The design of this one is really nice and – BONUS! – it’s not broken. I love it already.

7) Aden + Anais Silky Soft Bamboo Swaddle Blankets

Unless you currently or have ever lived under a rock, you’ve probably heard of Aden + Anais swaddling blankets. Why are they the best? I don’t know, they just are. Swaddling is an art and these oversized and stretchy blankets seriously help you get the hang of it. My favorite thing about them is that they’re not super heavy, so even if you have a summer baby, you can still use them in the heat and not have to worry that your little baby burrito is literally cooking. Because that is important.

8) Fridababy Nose-Frida Nasal Aspirator

Whether they’re grossed out by it or not, I buy this for every new mom I know who doesn’t have one. NO, you don’t eat the boogies (there’s a filter). YES, it work 10,000 times better than those stupid sucky bulbs they give you in the hospital. MAYBE your kid won’t mind it (mine are 50/50 on whether this is a benign tool or some medieval instrument of torture). YES it will save your life when it’s 3AM and your baby is screaming because she can’t breathe and you just need to get the stupid snot out for the love of GOD.

9) Nuna Sena Mini Playard

Real talk: I keep one of these in the back of my car in case we ever have an emergency nap situation. When your baby is little, it’s ideal for traveling (even if you’re only venturing as far as your in-laws house) because baby naps can happen anywhere. When they get a little bigger, throw some toys in and voila! You have a baby cage. Now go pour yourself a hot cup of coffee and watch 30 minutes of Netflix.

10) Billy Bibs Lace Pacifier Clip

How can something simple like a pacifier clip change your life? Easy. Especially if you know what it’s like to fumble around in the dark underneath a crib looking for a lost pacifier and coming up with nothing but tumbleweeds of dog hair (true story).

This ingenious invention simply keeps those pacifiers – which everyone knows babies love to chuck across the room whenever they get the chance – firmly attached to their onesie, so they’ll never be lost again. The fact that they’re adorable and lacy is just a bonus.

 

Well, those are my top ten! Anything else I have to have for baby numero three? Let me know now!

 

 

**(A huge thanks to The Baby Cubby for sponsoring this post)

the 12 best blog posts I ever read

Over the years I’ve been mentally cataloging the best blog posts on the interwebs. When I need a good laugh or a good cry, these are the posts I return to again and again. They’re the ones I email around to coworkers on boring Monday afternoons so we can all take a break from the monotony. They’re the links I share on Facebook on those rare occasions I bother posting anything to Facebook. These are the posts that make me want to be a better writer and a more frequent blogger.

I want to share them with you because you’re here, reading this blog, which proves you have excellent taste (insert laughing crying emoji here). This is also a fervent plea for more posts to add to the list – what am I missing? What should I be reading? I’ve been slowly building up my list over the years, but I know I must be be missing plenty of great content. If there’s a post or a blogger who you love beyond words, please, share the wealth!

Here are a few of my favorite posts of all time:

FOR LAUGHING

1) For if you’ve ever bought something from craigslist, or if you just enjoy overly dramatic storytelling:
The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad. – Victoria Elizabeth Barnes

2) For if your husband thinks you’re nuts but your friends think you’re hilarious, and if you shop the clearance section at HomeGoods:
And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles – The Blogess

3) For if you’ve ever considered buying something from a super sketchy foreign website:
This is What Happens When You Order Ridiculously Cheap Clothing From Singapore – Suburban Turmoil

4) For if you read and silently judge children’s books:
All of my Issues with the “Goodnight Moon” Bedroom – The Ugly Volvo

5) For if you consider fart jokes even remotely funny (which I don’t really, but this is an exception):
The Fart That (Almost) Altered My Destiny – HaHas for HooHas

6) For if you’ve ever complained that life is hard after the year 1900:
Pioneer Moms Vs. Modern Moms – Victoria Fedden

FOR CRYING

7) For explaining infertility to someone who wants to understand but doesn’t understand:
Letter to New Moms – something beautiful

8) For exhausted new moms, especially those with difficult babies:
When Love Feels Heavy – N’tima Preusser (Coffee + Crumbs)

9) For every mother who has ever loved so hard it made them cry:
Sometimes I Cry – Motherhood and More

FOR COMMISERATING

10) For moms with young-ish kids who have totally become that microwave-your-coffee-three-times-and-keep-forgetting-about-it cliche and want to feel better about this season of life:
This stage of life? It’s hard – Austin City Moms Blog

11) For the default parents – yes, if you’re reading this, that’s probably you:
The Default Parent – M. Blazoned

12) For when it’s super hard to make mom friends and you just wanna get to 4th base already:
Dating for Moms – Unexpected

10 random things right now

I have completely given up on organizing my thoughts enough to create cohesive posts on one single theme. Hence, you get a random list.

1. Some of you may have seen yesterday that an article I wrote about Whole30 got shared by HuffPo, thus attracting the attention of Melissa Hartwig, the creator of Whole30. Imagine my surprise and delight when she messaged me directly on my BBT Facebook page and said, “Good job!”

But because I can’t let good things just be good, I immediately started stressing out over this whole chain of events. You see, this all happened because my coworker needed a story to feature on Maria Rodale’s blog (Maria’s Farm Country Kitchen). I’ve written various articles for that blog before, and some have been shared on LinkedIn and even HuffPo once. One of those articles even got someone from RedTricycle to reach out and ask if I’d like to become a contributor, but so far nothing ever came of that.

Anyway, I wrote the article on Whole30 because that’s what I was thinking about, but honestly I could have done so much better. I wish I would have edited it more, spent more time on it, really thought deeply about the ten best tips… all things I would have done had I known Melissa freaking Hartwig was going to read it!! And now my blog is getting all these views and likes and I just feel like it needs an overhaul, like, yesterday. So hopefully this is motivation to get my act together and finally update this space. Can I get a redo on this whole event, please? Because as a writer, I’ve been phoning it in for months now, and that just wasn’t my best work. Dammit.

2. I alluded to something exciting in the works and it did finally happen. Eric has a new job and starts on Monday, woo! Not only is this a new job… it’s his dream job. 100% work from home, making more money than we could have hoped for, and actually doing work that he claims he will love. I am thrilled for him, of course, and for what this means for our family… less stress about money, finally paying down debt, always having someone at home for inevitable events like appliance repair and package deliveries. I’m hoping it will also make him a happier person because he won’t have road rage after an hour commute.

Actually, the whole thing feels too good to be true, which is why I’m worrying that something will go wrong any minute. Some paperwork snag, some small issue that will prevent the job from happening. So before I muse on it any further (and I have plenty to muse on, since him getting this job has allowed me more space to think about following my own dreams and what that might look like), I’m going to stop, cross my fingers, and pray that all goes smoothly. If you have the time and inclination, please hope and pray with me.

3. I’ve become slightly more obsessed with real estate lately, which I didn’t think was possible. I was already at the point of checking real estate apps more often than I checked Facebook but now that potentially affording a new house is a reality, my compulsion has reached a fever pitch. It’s actually funny because I don’t really want to find the perfect house yet since we are still many months away from being ready to move… it’s almost like I’m checking to make sure it’s not there. And I just enjoy looking, you know?

We had our realtor over for dinner the other night (over the years, he’s become a friend), and he and I spent literally four hours poring over listings that we liked and didn’t like, pulling comps for my house and discussing the updates that I should and shouldn’t do, discussing crazy home buyers and sellers, and drinking wine. It was honestly some of the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Eric eventually got bored and left the room, popping back into the kitchen only occasionally to exclaim, “Are you two seriously still looking at houses?!”

Hanging out with Ben makes me wonder if I should get into real estate but the thing that holds me back is that I’m unsure if I like house hunting in general, or if I just like looking at houses and dreaming of my life in them (which wouldn’t make me a very good realtor at all). I don’t think I would like things like inspections and closings and paperwork. Still, it’s an interesting thought…

4. This eyebrow artist who my mom swears by told me that my eyebrows look like commas and now when I look in the mirror, that’s all I can think about.

5. So many people have private messaged me about doing a Whole30 that I was thinking of starting a private Facebook page so we could all do it together in September. Any of you interested? Let me know. I feel personally excited and responsible for every person I recruit to this amazing program.

6. We are going camping this weekend and I have like zero motivation over the whole thing. I did not shop or meal plan and now I’m not sure what’s going to happen. But the campground is literally 20 minutes from my house so I figure worst case scenario, if I forget something vital I can run home and come back in under an hour.

7. Molly amazes me. She is just… brilliant. I’ve started to get used to having full conversations with her and yet it still blows me away when she grasps some kind of concept that’s well beyond what I would expect a 2-year-old to comprehend.

Like the other night, when there was a thunderstorm. She and I were cuddling in my bed and talking about how thunder is loud and it was very dark outside. Then she curled up against me, laid her little head on my chest and said, “Mommy, I’m safe.”

She also never stops talking. I figure it’s payback for when I was a little older than she was and never stopped talking, ever. When I tune out and I’m not paying full attention to her she says, “Mommmmmy, I’m talkin’ to you!”

I love that girl.

8. It’s funny how different kids can be. Remember how Molly never crawled, she just scooted around in her own special way and then started walking? Well, Liam is a crawler. He went from tentative creeping to zipping around the house at lightning speed in the space of about a week. And unlike baby Molly, he is into EVERYTHING. He wants to play in the fireplace, pull on the hair dryer cord, and handle the toilet brush (ew). He has an obsession with putting shoes in his mouth (double ew). He also decided that he is not a baby, he’s a big boy, and has started staunchly refusing baby food. He eats everything we eat and for any given meal, eats about double what Molly eats. He’s up to 21 lbs and a lot of his 9 month outfits don’t fit anymore. Meanwhile, Molly weighs 24 lbs. At the beach when we had them both in the wagon we had multiple people ask if they were twins.

Also he’s a total mama’s boy, which I love. The smiles he reserves just for me are basically the best thing ever.

9. I’ve recently become an expert at imaginary home decorating. If you’ve never tried it, you should! Here’s how it works: you sit in a room of your home and stare at all the things you don’t like. You envision what needs to change to make the room pretty (New rug! Restain the mantel! Built-in bookcases!). Then you go about your life knowing that you have neither the time nor the money to fix any of it. The end.

10. Speaking of home decorating, I just found the Young House Love blog and it’s killing me slowly. I am completely enamored by them and everything they do. I even had a dream last night about cleaning grout based on a post of theirs I read. Their podcast is a little obnoxious but I listen anyway because that’s how much I love them.

That’s all I have for today. Until next time…

a day in the life – 1.22.16

As I mentioned on Facebook, the last time I did a post like this was in August of 2014, when Molly was 2 months old. Rereading it was strange. First, I realized that she ate a lot more often than he does, and that took up A LOT of time. Second, I was back at work, and I can tell based on the overall tone of the post that I was not happy about it.

It’s been so long since I’ve written a blog post, I know. Apologies in advance for typos or weird sentences. I need to start writing more before I go back to work (where I’m literally paid to write coherently) because seriously, just two months of staying home and already my brain is just mush.

12 midnight
I’m starting this at the true start of Friday because I went out Thursday night, which is such a rare occurrence. A friend who lives very close by invited me over for wine and snacks and girl time, which felt really good. I took Liam along, figuring he’d sleep in the Moby wrap or in my friend’s baby swing. Ah… no. He was wide awake the entire time… not fussing, just observing, and clearly thinking he was one of the party guests (which I guess he kind of was). Normally he’s asleep “for the night” around 8 or 9. I got home about half past 12 and settled him into his Rock ‘n’ Play (RNP) and he was out before I finished brushing my teeth. Too cute.

5 am
Liam starts fussing in the RNP. When we first brought him home from the hospital, I tried swaddling him and putting him in the bassinet like we did for Molly, but he totally hated it. I think he has some digestive/reflux issues, which is why the RNP’s slight elevation probably feels better for his tummy.

I sleepily reach over and pull him into bed with me and nurse him back to sleep. He skipped his 2 am feeding (probably because he was exhausted from staying up so late) so my left boob is rock hard and in pain. It quickly subsides as he eats. Both of us drift off to sleep. Eric’s alarm goes off and he turns it off without getting up.

7:30 am
I hear a little voice talking to her stuffed animals in the next room. For a couple of minutes she’s content amusing herself in her crib, then she starts yelling, “Mommy! Maaa meeeeee!” I turn over and notice that Eric is still in bed, which means he’s calling in sick to work. I figured he would since he has picked up the cold we were all fighting off the week before. Or as he calls it, “the man flu.”

7:35 am
I transfer Liam out of bed and put him in the RNP, then drag it into the hallway. I shut the door to the bedroom to keep the dogs in there with Eric. I go rescue Molly from her crib and push Liam in the RNP to the kitchen while carrying her.

7:37 am
Discover Bird has peed and pooped on the living room rug (which at this point is completely destroyed and needs to be replaced ASAP). He also peed on Molly’s chair, which is weird because he sits in it like it’s his chair, so why pee on it? I take apart her chair for like, the second time this week to wash the cover and vow to be better about keeping the bedroom door closed at night to keep this from happening.

7:45 am
Breakfast time. Molly gets watered down apple juice, sliced strawberries, and a pouch of strawberry Greek yogurt squeezed out into a bowl. She’s gotten really good with using a spoon and refuses to let me help. She also won’t eat the yogurt squeeze pouches the way they’re intended to be eaten, but they don’t sell the kid-portioned Greek yogurt in regular yogurt containers, just pouches. This morning I’m also making gluten free pancakes because I feel like it, though we usually have bacon and eggs. At the last minute I throw in chocolate chips just because why the hell not. I start coffee and throw the chair cover in the washer.

8:00 am
On my hands and knees scrubbing the living room rug. For like the hundredth time. While my breakfast gets cold. Contemplate throwing the rug or the dog or both out the back door.

8:15 am
Eric’s awake and takes the dogs out, then I feed them and give Ryder his pills when they come back in. We finally broke down and went to the vet for his itching problem, which turned out to be severe allergies. He’s currently on high dose steroids, which were $120 but totally worth it because they’re working and he’s no longer scratching himself raw. We also love our new vet, who costs wayyyyyy less than our last vet, expensive prescription notwithstanding.

Molly is done eating so I release her from her high chair. I glare at Bird and return to my cold coffee and pancakes.

8:40 am
Liam has dozed off in the RNP. I text my sister to see if she still wants to go to Kohls with me, but her daughter isn’t feeling well so she says she can’t make it out. I start the dishwasher as Molly wanders around the kitchen, and starts whining to go bye-bye even though I haven’t mentioned it. She hates being cooped up in the house (just like her mama!) and we didn’t go anywhere Thursday. I need to get a present for a birthday party Sunday (assuming we’ll be dug out of the snow by then) and socks for Molly because all of hers are way too small. Plus I have to run to Wegmans for groceries in anticipation of Snowmageddon 2016.

9 am
I get Molly dressed. Liam’s awake so I change him and force feed him a little since I’m taking advantage of Eric being home and leaving him behind, so I want him as full as possible. After feeding, I throw on my mom uniform of yoga pants, black tunic hoodie, and moccasins (as Eric calls it, my weird Assassin’s Creed outfit). I’ve reached the point of showering every other day, and this is the “other,” so a ponytail completes this very fashionable look.

9:08 am
Coats on and ready to go. Molly and I kiss the boys goodbye and depart.

9:20 am
Shopping at Kohls. We find a gift for the party, socks, and a new winter hat for Liam, whose big head has outgrown the one I bought when he was first born. I also find some slippers on clearance because I desperately need a new pair. I note how glamorous my life is now that clearance slippers at Kohls fill me with such joy.

9:45 am
We drive across the street to Wegmans, which as I figured it would be, is insanely crowded for a weekday morning. The huge snowstorm is scheduled to start in a few hours and everyone and their grandma is stocking up for French toast (Milk! Eggs! Bread!). We wander around and take our time, and I keep forgetting things and backtracking. This is not one of my more efficient trips. I think the crowds are distracting me.

10:45 am
Text from Eric: “Where are you? This boy is awake. And hungry.”

11 am
Ok, seriously. We need to get in line and check out. Did I even remember the eggs?

11:15 am
Home at last. I make Molly walk and carry all the groceries in at once, counting this as today’s arm workout. Since Liam isn’t really crying in earnest, I quickly put everything away before tending to him.

11:30 am
Nurse Liam and give Molly some string cheese. She’s started saying, “Eat! Eaaaat!” when she’s hungry, and it’s actually quite convenient knowing what she wants.

12 noon
As I was nursing I was also assessing the state of the dog hair, and determined it unacceptable. As soon as Liam has his fill I take out the vaccuum and begin an epic battle that I know I’ll never win. When I’m done, I flip the chair cover from the washer to the dryer. It’s still really wet and I don’t know why.

12:15 pm
Molly typcially goes down for a nap anywhere between 11 and 1, but if she’s still awake around noon she usually wants lunch first. Today she’s sleepy and hungry but opts for the food. For lunch today she has turkey lunch meat, a slice of cheese, a sweet potato, and apple slices.

Liam starts fussing in the RNP so I rock him with my foot while I eat leftover Thursday Soup, my new favorite meal to make. It’s so easy! You literally take all your leftovers from the previous few days and throw them together in some chicken broth to make a soup. Every week it tastes different based on what you’ve made prior. This week’s soup has pork roast, Italian chicken, some peppers that were going soft, half an onion, and baby purple potatoes. I left it simmering a little too long so it’s technically more like Thursday Stew.

12:30 pm
Molly did pretty well eating her lunch so I give in to her demands for a cookie. I eat the other half of her apple with my new obsession, maple sunflower seed butter. When Molly finishes her cookie she makes me give her the last apple slice. I hand it over even though I know she’ll just take two bites and throw it on the floor. How do you say no to a kid asking for an apple rather than another cookie?

12:50 pm
I unload the dishwasher. As I’m doing this, Molly gathers all of her kid utensils out of the silverware caddy and walks off with them. Liam is drifting between napping/fussing in the RNP nearby.

12:56 pm
Liam is screaming in earnest. I grab Molly and quickly put her down for a nap before settling down on the couch to nurse him. I briefly contemplate how often I solve problems with my breasts. Can’t imagine that will be so effective back at work.

1 pm
He only nurses briefly before drifting off to sleep. This has been a thing lately – he really wants to be held and cuddled to sleep, not left in the swing or the RNP. It’s just funny because I was constantly holding Molly at this age and she didn’t care one way or the other, but for Liam, who wants to be cuddled 24/7, I’m so much more likely to try to put him down in favor of doing chores or caring for Molly. Their birth orders should definitely be reversed.

Immobilized by Senor Cuddles-a-Lot, I pick up my Nook and start reading my latest book, The Turner House. I’ve set a goal of reading 50 books in 2016 and this is my fifth. I figure my speed of devouring books will drop off considerably once maternity leave ends.

1:30 pm
My eyes start getting heavy. I’m still tired from being up late the night before, so I take advantage of both kids napping and fall asleep on the couch.

2:30 pm
I wake up. Liam and his sweaty little head are still sleeping on my chest. All is quiet in Molly’s room, so I pick up my Nook and keep reading.

3:15 pm
I hear Molly calling, but since she asks for Dada before Mama and Liam is still asleep, I text Eric and ask him to go get her. He’s one room away in the office but I don’t want to yell and wake the baby.

3:30 pm
Molly wakes Liam by (accidentally) smacking him in the face with her baby doll’s hard plastic head. I soothe him with my boobs, as usual. Like my mother before me I call them “ninnies,” and this is quickly becoming Molly’s favorite thing to say. She loves pointing at my chest and saying “A ninny! A ninny!” A few minutes after I start nursing Liam and we agree several times that he’s having a ninny, she tells me her baby needs a ninny and smushes its face up against her chest. I can just picture the gods of breastfeeding smiling down on me in this moment.

4 pm
Molly has stopped feeding her baby and tossed it aside. Bored, she asks to watch Caillou. Ugh! These days we rotate between Daniel Tiger (“Ty-er”), Doc McStuffins (“Doc”), Peppa Pig (“Pehhhhhhpa Pig”), and the dreaded, horrifically obnoxious, weirdly primary colored, inexplicably bald whiny toddler named Caillou (“Kah-you”). I sigh and oblige, mentally congratulating myself that I’ve made it almost a full day without turning the television on. Another perk of not sitting at home.

I’m jotting down notes for this post in the kitchen when Molly comes in saying, “Eat! Eat!” Does this kid ever stop?

4:15 pm
I get Molly a snack of Pirate Booty and return to the living room to feed a screaming Liam.

For the next couple hours we just kind of hang out. Molly wrestles with Eric on the floor, retrieves various toys from her room, plays, and sometimes stops to notice the endless whining of Caillou on the telly. Some highlights:

-She likes climbing up on the couch and looking out the living room window, and calls my van parked out front a “bye-bye.”
-Her favorite Christmas present by far is a collection of three bath toys – Elmo, Cookie Monster, and Ernie. She calls them Elmo, Cookie, and Duck (because Ernie is wearing a duck flotation device). Never shall the three be separated. She brings them everywhere.
-She also has a little baby doll she got for Christmas (this year’s theme was babies.) The other night Eric was messing around and made the baby “walk,” while singing a little jingle – “Walka walk around, walk around!” She thought this was hilarious. Now she makes the baby walk and sings the song. She makes me do the same. If I’m in the living room and instruct her to “Go get walk around baby” she’ll totally go in her room and find it. I love it.
-After a second spin in the dryer, Molly’s chair cover is finally dry. I start the arduous task of putting the chair back together while sternly telling Bird the chair is MINE and he MAY NOT pee on it again. Eric reminds me that the chair isn’t mine (because it’s Molly’s). Thanks, dear.
-I pick up my book again and start reading. I put it on the foot of Liam’s RNP and alternate between reading and cooing at him, since he’s awake and talkative. Two months is such a hard age. He can’t “do” anything, but I feel bad just ignoring him in his chair. He’s very sociable and loves when we pay attention to him. He’s also really into watching the ceiling fan spin around.

hangin' out

hangin’ out

5:45 pm
I leave to go get pizza. Friday pizza night is the best! My favorite place is way over on the other side of town and doesn’t deliver, but I really wanted it, so I got it. Eric only orders Papa John’s because they are the only place that will deliver to us. I think it’s worth it to get mom and pop pizza, not chain, so I usually offer to go pick it up from wherever.

6:15 pm
I arrive home with the pizza. In their exuberance at my return, the dogs almost knock it out of my hands and I scream. NOT THE PIZZA!

6:20 pm
Dinner time. Pizza is also one of Molly’s favorite meals, and I can always count on her to finish a whole slice, but today she only eats half of one and picks the cheese off the rest and leaves the bread. So she’s NOT her mother’s daughter, then (I’m a crust girl). After a heated debate over whether pizza should be flat or folded, I put the question out on Facebook and am amazed at the huge response. Also, amazed that so many misguided individuals fold their pizza. Heathens.

After dinner Molly wants another cookie. I’m glad I bought the mini sized ones so I don’t have to feel as guilty for giving in. We head back to the living room to hang out and play for a while before bedtime.

7:30 pm
Time to brush teeth. Luckily, this is one of her favorite things to do.

7:35 pm
Bedtime. It’s a little early (I’ve been shooting for 8, especially in anticipation of going back to work and having less quality time with her), but she’s cranky and it’s been a long day. I put her in her PJs, turn on her lullabies, switch off the light, and say goodnight, once again thanking my lucky stars that she’s so easy to put to bed.

7:45 pm
I was feeling smug but now she’s sort of crying and yelling, “Mummy!” This is not typical. I wait a couple minutes and she gets quiet.

7:50 pm
She’s obviously asleep but now Liam is starting to fuss. Typical.

8 pm
I feed him a little but before I know it he’s asleep. Again, the boy just wants to be held and cuddled. I had planned on writing this post after Molly went to bed but that’s not happening now that I have to hold this sleeping baby, who will surely wake up the minute I try to put him down.

I turn to Eric to tell him to put on a show (with cable long cancelled, we’re currently making our way through The Blacklist) but he has fallen asleep. Damn man flu. Once again immobilized on the couch with a sleeping baby, I pick up my Nook. I’ve just finished The Turner House so I start on After You. I think about how I want a snack but there’s really nothing good in the kitchen, plus getting up would risk waking the baby. I applaud myself for intentionally buying Molly cookies that I don’t like. My plan is working! Bikini by summer, woo hoo! (Stop laughing. I’m serious. Kind of.)

9 pm
*Yawn* I’m so cool that I’m going to bed at 9 pm on Friday. And that’s ok.

If you’re still here 3,000 words later, I thank you. I can’t believe I had this much to say about basically nothing.

Enjoy the blizzard, all you East Coasters. I’m having fun so far because we still have power. If we lose that, I’ll be singing a different tune.

Stay safe and warm!

mommy must haves (newborn – 2 months)

These are just opinions, of course, but this is what’s worked for us so far. Please note that I took care to find photos (and product links) of the exact products that I really have, same patterns and all. You know… for authenticity’s sake.

Here they are in no particular order:

adenplusanais11) aden + anais muslin swaddle wraps

With a summer baby, you’ll want a blanket that shields from the air conditioner’s icy blast while still remaining lightweight enough to take out into the humidity. Somehow, this achieves both, plus it’s the perfect size for making those oh-so-helpful baby burritos. I never worried about her overheating in her footie pajamas when I swaddled with these, even while camping in the heat of July. I included the brand name only because these are the only ones that I’ve seen. Pricey, yes, but in my opinion they’re totally worth it.

2) Medela nipple shield

I affectionately call this, “my nipple,” or, “my shield,” and have been known to say things like, “Eric, can you help me find my nipple? I left it on the coffee table and now it’s gone. I think the dog might have grabbed it.”
nippleshield

Without this little invention I can say with confidence that breastfeeding would not have worked for us. Two and a half months in and the girl is still using it. At first my lactation consultant blamed Molly’s failure to latch on her small mouth, but now I would say it’s more like laziness (the nipple shield makes it much easier for her). I know breastfeeding purists often scoff at these, and I understand why – it is unnnatural. But the beauty of the nipple shield is that it helps uncooperative babies get on the boob, and isn’t that the ultimate goal? In the hospital I was hooked up with my SNS tubes and sobbing because she wouldn’t eat. I was one mental breakdown away from totally giving up, despite how badly I wanted to breastfeed her. Finding this little device was like discovering the holy grail. It worked, it got her onto my boob, and we still got to enjoy the bonding and skin to skin contact. Should I be actively trying to wean her off of it? Yes. But going back to work has drained all my energy and at this point it’s easier to just give in and use it. It works for us for now, so I’m not messing with it.

My biggest complaint is the need to always have one on hand (God forbid I leave home without it), and how it’s kind of a pain in the ass to get it positioned just right when I’m feeding her on the run (in the Maya wrap, while walking around at a music festival, etc.). But since this is the only way I’ve ever breastfed, it was easy enough to adapt and get used to it. In other words…I have nothing to compare it to, so to me, it’s just normal. I’m sure breastfeeding sans shield will be a welcome surprise.

rocknplay3) Rock ‘n’ Play Sleeper

I actually have two of these that someone gave me (Thanks, Toni!). So one of them stays at home, and one stays at my sister’s house for when she’s there during the week. This thing is AWESOME. We use it for those times we need to put her down but we can’t put her on the floor or even on her boppy saucer thing because I’m always afraid the dogs will trample her (not on purpose, of course, but just because they don’t know any better). It keeps her out of harm’s way, yet it’s lightweight and easy to carry from room to room. I bring it in the bathroom with me to put her in while I’m showering when the two of us are home alone. We brought it camping and to the beach – it disassembles into several pieces and fits nicely into a tightly packed car. There is a recall due to a mold issue after washing the fabric insert, but so far we haven’t had to wash it at all, so I don’t even care. I know she will outgrow it soon, but for now this thing is essential.

bassinett4) Bassinet

I’m not ready for Molly to be in her crib yet, but co-sleeping is simply not an option with our tiny queen-sized bed (and the dog who still sleeps in it with us). I have the bassinet set up right next to my side of the bed, and even though Molly sleeps through the night, I wake up 3-4 times MINIMUM and throw my hand onto her chest to make sure she’s still breathing. Every single night. So yeah… it’s much easier to maintain this habit without having to get out of bed and creep into her room across the hall. For now, the bassinett is where it’s at.

honestco5) Honest Company bath gel and lotion

All of our bath products were gifts, so I’ve had the luxury of trying out several different brands without spending any money. I love the smell of this one, and it’s organic, too.

booginhead6) Boogin Head pacifier clip

Do pacifiers grow legs and walk away? Honestly. Molly isn’t really into the pacifier, but there are times when she needs it (and we need it), like when she’s overly tired and just can’t fall asleep or when she’s pissed off about being strapped into the car seat. Despite the fact that I’ve been doing a decent job of keeping the house clean (which I’m assuming will get much harder once she’s walking and strewing toys about), I always seem to lose pacis. It’s nice to know that there’s always one clipped to her carseat for emergencies.

pumpbra7) Simple Wishes Hands-Free Breastpump Bra

I spent my first couple of days pumping without this, and now all I can think is, how silly! Someone at work insisted that I had to buy one so that I could at least keep myself entertained during pump sessions by going on my phone (not an option when you’re holding the suction thingies on both your boobs). So I went from staring at a wall for ten minutes during pump time to actually forgetting what I was doing and sometimes even going a minute or two past my set time! If you have to pump, this thing is 100% necessary. It’s $33, eligible for Amazon prime, and delivered to your doorstep. Done.

britax8) Britax B-Agile Travel System

Maybe I’m in a different tax bracket or something, but the majority of stroller recommendations on the blogs I’ve read have been wayyyyy out of my price range. What I needed was a good quality, middle of the road option that folded up easily. I also wanted a stroller/carseat combo, because it just seemed logical. We went into the store with no expectations or preferences and ended up picking out the one that the store associate recommended and pushed hard for. So far, I’m very pleased with it. Not an UPPAbaby… but I like it. And at less than $400 for the whole kit and caboodle, it doesn’t require a second mortgage. I call that a win. (Bonus: this was a baby shower gift, so for us, it was VERY affordable, haha).

mayawrap9) Maya wrap

I’m all for discounts and savings and all, but here is something pricey (in my opinion) that was worth every friggin penny. I LOVE my Maya wrap. That’s not to discount the Moby… which is also pretty great… but as so many before me have pointed out, Moby is a pain in the ass to take on the go because it’s a little complicated to wrap and it drags on the ground while you’re getting it ready. I used the Moby a lot when I was on maternity leave and was just hanging out at home, vacuuming and stuff. The Maya is more versatile because you can just put it in your bag and – BONUS POINTS – it works well with breastfeeding. While we were on vacation at the beach, our morning trek to the ocean always coincided with Molly’s feeding time. But that was OK, because all I did was snuggle her in the Maya wrap and breastfeed while walking down the street. It was so awesome and convenient! I got my money’s worth during that week alone. Now, I throw it in my bag no matter where we’re going. I can be at a picnic and hold her and still have use of both hands, which is really invaluable when you’re trying to walk around with a plate of food AND a frosty beverage. It’s lightweight and easy enough to just add to the wash. Yes, I took a chance and got the cream colored fabric, because I thought it was pretty. So far it’s not too dirty, and wouldn’t you know it, spit up breastmilk blends right in. If you’re on the fence for a baby carrier that’s suitable for a newborn, my vote is Maya all the way.

That’s all I can think of for now! I’m sure this list will change, so expect to see another one in a few months.

a day in the life (2-month-old edition)

I love these. Sometimes they make me sigh with recognition, and sometimes they make me laugh because they are SO far-fetched (and usually in those cases, enviable). Anyway, I thought it would be fun to make one of my own.

4:30-5:00AM

I wake up to the sound of crying. Multiple attempts to ignore the crying don’t work, and eventually I give in and get out of bed, taking care not to wake the sleeping dogs and sleeping husband. Inevitably, at least one dog wakes up and looks at me plaintively, wondering if I’ll take him out. I respond by shutting the bedroom door in his face.

5:05AM

Diaper change. Molly is usually sleepy and yawn-y and adorable. She only cries when I have the audacity sneak in a bathroom visit before feeding her.

5:10AM

Breastfeeding, take one. We sit on the couch, with all the lights off except the lamp we keep on 24/7 to deter burglars, and bond over Molly’s breakfast time. Sometimes, depending on how early we started this ritual, we both doze off for 15-20 minutes.

5:40AM

We wake up when Eric gets up and lets the dogs out of the bedroom. It’s hard to stay asleep with Bird jumping all over you, licking your face. She’s used to it by now though, and usually falls back to sleep fairly quickly.

6:00AM

I hand off the sleepy/sleeping baby to Eric and run for the shower, knowing that I have a limited amount of time before she wakes up and starts crying again.

6:10AM

Shower over. Baby stirring.

6:12AM

Baby starts getting fussy. Turn on the blow dryer and hope it soothes her back to sleep.

6:15AM

The blow dryer plan worked, but once it’s turned off, she wakes up again. I hurry through my makeup application and try desperately to remember to put on deodorant. Molly is now crying in earnest as I rush to the bedroom and throw on the first thing I see that fits and is appropriate for an office setting (no easy feat). There’s no time for jewelry selection or anything that might waste precious moments, so I just wear the same necklace every day, or nothing at all. I hastily make the bed to keep Ryder from chewing apart the down comforter while we’re at work (this has happened several times, and a tightly made bed seems to deter his feather craving).

6:30AM

Eric hands off Molly so he can go get in the shower. At this point I have two options – either strap her in her carseat and listen to her scream while I get stuff ready to go, or put her in her Rock ‘n Play and listen to her scream while I get stuff ready to go. I usually opt for the former so at least I’m one step closer to getting out the door.

6:30-6:45AM

Feed the fish, add last minute items to lunches, set out lunches, make my coffee, pack bottles, put on my shoes, find my phone, make a smoothie, put away miscellaneous dog bones, straighten up, double and triple check that I have everything, gather it all up in my arms, head for the exit. All while she’s screaming.

6:45-7AM

Drive to Ashley’s house. Her screaming quiets the moment I put the car in drive. I narrowly avoid hitting trees/other drivers because I can’t stop staring at her perfect little face in the mirror.

7AM

Arrive at Ashley’s intact. Molly is usually lightly sleeping by this point. I wake her up, pop out a boob, and settle into “my” recliner.

7:00-7:30AM

Breastfeeding, take two. Chat with Ashley and children. Reluctantly start trying to pry the baby off starting around half past 7, but usually end up leaving late.

7:35AM

Leave for work. Feel immediate sense of guilt/longing/wistfulness/sadness/envy.

8AM-5:30PM

Workity work, work, work. Obsessively check text messages for cute pics from my sister (and there are always a few). Check in often. Continue to feel wistful. Add in three pump sessions, and call it a day.

5:34PM

It takes me exactly four minutes to get from my desk chair to my car, and that’s not fast enough. I can practically hear her tiny tummy rumbling from miles away. Plus, by this point I miss her terribly.

5:50PM

Get a call from Eric (baby crying in the background): “Will you be home soon, Mommy? Someone is HUNGRY today.”

6:00PM

Begin disrobing on the trip from the car to the front door. Drop everything in the front hall, tear off my shirt and bra, and sit down to feed my hungry little love.

6:00-7:00PM

Breastfeeding, take three. Attempt to satisfy her insatiable hunger as mine continues to grow. Did you know that breastfeeding makes you hungry?

7:00PM

Hand her off to Eric and head into the kitchen.

7:15PM

Baby starts to fuss. How is that possible? I was supposed to be cooking dinner but all I’ve managed to do is unpack her bottles and put away half the rack of clean dishes.

7:30PM

Contemplate ordering a pizza.

7:31PM

Decide we can’t have pizza again. Whip together some semblance of a balanced meal while simultaneously washing dishes and utensils as I dirty them so that the sink doesn’t fill up again.

7:45PM

Dinner is ready. Molly is crying.

7:50PM

I shovel food in my mouth while she screams and Eric complains about not being able to feed her. I feel horribly guilty for making her wait, and also inexplicably guilty for his inability to breastfeed. Somehow I know it’s all my fault.

7:53PM

Breastfeeding, take four.

8:00-9:30PM

Intermittent breastfeeding between attempting to get things done. It goes a little like this: I feed her until she dozes off, sneak away to quickly pack lunches or put away leftovers, and run back to her when she starts crying (usually in 15-20 minute increments). This is what we call her “hungry time.” Yes, she sleeps through the night, but she certainly takes care to fill up her tummy prior to bedtime. This little window is also the only time I have to blog, which is why it usually doesn’t happen. Eric always tries to hold and comfort her, but inevitably she only wants one thing – milk. And that’s the one thing he can’t give her.

9:30-10:00PM

One last breastfeeding session to “top her off” and then it’s time for PJs and bed. Even if she’s wide awake at this point, she is really good at putting herself to sleep in her bassinet. All I do is swaddle her tightly, kiss her little face, and turn on her Sleep Sheep. Within ten minutes, she’s totally zonked out.

10:00PM

Back out in the living room, I contemplate tackling one of the numerous items on my to-do list.

10:01PM

Say to myself, “Screw it, I’ll do it tomorrow.” Know deep down that this will never happen.

10:10PM

Fall asleep before my head hits the pillow.

Things that make me want to punch other things

Can I just say, I am loving ICLW so far? I love comments, they really are the new hug (and I’m not even a hugger, really). I have had this draft hanging out for a while so I thought it would be fun to do an interactive post. I even managed to keep it (mostly) free from typical infertility gripes.

I often enjoy reading People I Want to Punch in the Throat. With her blog in mind, I started a similar list. Without further ado, I bring you….

Things that make me want to punch other things

1. Anyone who says verbiage, bandwidth (incorrectly), plush, flesh, supposebly and “Let’s take this offline.”

2. People who buy too much food for events and then throw it away. Take whatever you were planning to order, cut it in half, and then order half of that. You’ll still have leftovers, I swear.

3. Anyone who has their shit together. This includes people with investment portfolios, stocks, robust retirement funds, and summer homes.

4. People with achingly beautiful, thoughtful blogs that I’ll never live up to. Just shut up already.

5. People who think animals are cuter than babies. They’re not.

6. Vegans

7. Danielle Steele

8. Anyone who complains about having thick hair. Trust me, the alternative is far worse.

9. Being wet. This includes showers, baths, swimming, rainstorms, kayaking, puddle stomping, sweating on summer days, and all other moist activities. Also, the word moist.

10. Tile floors in any room besides the kitchen and the bathroom

11. People with no sense of humor

12. The whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon. Oh, yeah, let’s glorify terrible writing just because it has graphic sex scenes. Tee hee, we’re soooo naughty!

13. Facebook status updates of inspirational quotes. They make me hate you. Honestly, I’d rather hear about what you had for breakfast.

14. Anyone who ignores simple grammar rules and punctuation in any format

15. Laugh tracks on shows

16. Any show on MTV

17. Crumbs on the counter

18. Broken turn signals on cars that blink too fast.

19. Windshield wipers turned to a setting that does not match how hard it was raining. Slight drizzle? No need for heavy downpour setting. If your wipers start skipping and making sounds because the windshield is too dry, you’re doing it wrong.

20. Arbitrary Capitalization In The Middle Of Sentences For No Apparent Reason. No, It Does Not Make Your Words More Important. It Makes You Look Like An Idiot.

21. Arbitrary “quotation marks.” I have been noticing this a lot lately. It seems that a lot of people need to research where and when to use them. When in doubt – don’t.

22. Anyone who gets pregnant accidentally

23. Being at Walmart

24. Dog poop in the house. If anyone had told me often it would happen, I seriously would have reconsidered the whole “dog owner” thing.

25. Sleeping on a couch

26. Soggy cereal/melted ice cream/mushy food in general

27. Eating a meal without a beverage (even watching someone do this makes me dehydrated).

Your turn – what am I missing?