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Dec 14

round four review

Dec 14

Maybe I just have a lot of significant dates in my life, but it’s oddly creepy how they keep aligning with current life events.

I woke up this morning to the sad reminder that today is the four year anniversary of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. I will always remember that date because it happened on the exact same day that Eric and I began our IVF journey at New Hope. I remember sitting in the waiting room watching the news coverage, feeling helpless and awful and terribly self-absorbed to be worrying so much about my own problems.

Of course, I didn’t remember that today was the anniversary, or that the embryo transfer was happening so close to that date. Yesterday I went in to work normal time, left the office around 10:45, had the procedure, laid flat on my back for one hour, got up, got dressed, and was back at my desk by 1:30. I made the joke to some friends that I was probably – but not definitely – the only person in the building using her lunch break to get pregnant. And then, yes, I joined my coworkers for after-work drinks because why the hell not. Did I partake in a glass of red wine? Maybe. (Yes).

So I’m PUPO. That’s always been one of my favorite acronyms. Dr. L said the embryo thawed perfectly and looked to be of really good quality, so that’s a relief. I’m staggering around from the soreness of the PIO injections…it’s been a few years, I forgot how much those buggers hurt! But it’s all worth it in the end of course. If I can restrain myself, I’m going to wait to test until Tuesday morning. I went back through my timeline to see when I got BFPs with the other 3, and it looks like one week post transfer. I can live with that.

Part of me is optimistic over the fact that so far I’m 3 for 3 on FETs, while another part is nagging that I can’t possibly have a 100% success rate and I’m due for a failure one of these times. At least I know I did everything I possibly could. I gave up gluten two weeks ago and stayed strong, even as the delicious appetizers at happy hour were being waved under my nose.

On the job front, some news: I got one! I actually had two offers, which was exhilarating and honestly a bit of an ego boost. I have never been a great advocate for myself and suck at negotiating, so having those two offers really helped boost my confidence and gave me the courage to ask for what I want. I am really excited about this new role (I start on 1/3) and hope they won’t be too pissed if I’m pregnant. All of the people I talked to seem really nice and accommodating, so I’m betting on they won’t mind too much.

Not too much else going on! I mean, new job and potential pregnancy, plus Christmas craziness is enough excitement for one month, I suppose. The kids are great, we went to see Santa last week and Molly was obsessed with him. She told him what she wants (an Elsa and Anna doll) which is thankfully the same thing she’s been asking for consistently for the past two months, and I have it on good authority that the exact dolls she asked for will land under our tree on Christmas Eve. Liam was terrified of Mr. Claus but I loved every minute of it. The crying Santa photos are always my favorite.

This was the Awesome Santa I mentioned before, where the spots sold out in 3 seconds and we got put on a wait list. I hate to admit it, but he was well worth the hype. The best Santa I’ve ever seen and great with the kids. I’m in love with our photos.

All right, I’ll be back in a week with a pee stick pic! Gross, right?

In the meantime, some Santa photos for those of you who don’t follow me on social media:

best of friends

best of friends

santa-036

santa-016

santa-031

santa-034

Posted by amanda 4 Comments
Filed Under: IVF, monthly updates, the big things Tagged: IVF #4, PUPO

Mar 09

Beta #2 – still PUPO

Mar 09

Beta #2 today was 475, 9dp5dFET. I’m still in the game, people!

Of all our acronyms, I think PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) is my favorite. First of all, I love what it entails (obviously). Second, it perfectly describes the fragility of our situations. On one hand, we’re so happy to finally be pregnant, but then we have to justify it so quickly with, “but it could be otherwise. Soon. Anything could change in any moment and Oh God I can’t just be happy and enjoy this I have to obsess over it every second of every day.” Third, I always think of “pupa” and it makes me laugh.

just hangin' out like a pupa

just hangin’ out like a pupa

I brought my mother-in-law and sister-in-law Katie with me to my blood test because my SIL had not been to the city since she was in first grade. I feel like that’s acceptable if you live in Idaho, but we are 90 minutes from Manhattan. I can’t even fathom going more than 6 months without going, present fertility drama notwithstanding.

Anyway, we had a good time. After the 15 minutes at NHF, we hopped the subway down to Ground Zero to see the 9/11 memorial, which is something I’ve been meaning to do but haven’t. It was beautiful and very moving. We had brunch at the Cornelia Street Cafe in the West Village and picked up some incredible cupcakes at Molly’s Cupcakes, winner of Cupcake Wars and 100 times better than Magnolia. Fun fact: our future daughter has been named Molly since approx. 2003, so that’s totally why we stopped in. They have adorable branded onesies but I refrained. I’m just a PUPO, right?

We also got macarons at Bisous Ciao because, well… macarons are like little pieces of heaven. We walked through Times Square, then hopped back in the car and swung by Apthorp Pharmacy real quick to pick up my refill of Progesterone. All in all it was a rewarding and delicious day.

I’m having a hard time figuring out what doubling is for betas and it doesn’t help that I’m an English major and I absolutely SUCK at math. I know betabase.info is the place to go for the chart and I’ve been there before, but the site has been down for a few days now and I’m unable to find anything else comparable. Grr! At this point I’m just trusting the clinic when they say “everything looks perfect” until I can figure something out for myself. But I’m curious – are these singleton or multiple numbers? Am I in range? What should it be next time? Help!

I thought that today’s beta would be my last one until the 9 week U/S but I’m not sure where that idea came from. I have to go back next Saturday for blood again, which is annoying but at least I won’t be left wondering if it’s all going to shit while I wait. Hopefully in the meantime betabase comes back so I can properly stalk it.

Posted by amanda 6 Comments
Filed Under: IVF, pregnancy Tagged: beta #2, betabase, Molly, NYC, PUPO

hello, my name is deeda


sister, daughter, wife, and mama to 5 sweet children on earth, 4 in heaven. self-conscious writer. voracious reader. sarcasm enthusiast. dependable Taurus. lover of broken things. reluctant adult. FOMO sufferer. drinker of coffee. burner of toast.

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