parenting mishaps Archives - Page 2 of 4

Oct 12

all about Molly (so what else is new?)

Oct 12

My sister told me not to tell my husband that when her husband came home from work the other day, Molly ran up to him yelling, “Daddy’s home!” It is kind of sad, but I know she was just mimicking her cousins, and when I did tell Eric (have I mentioned I’m a terrible secret keeper?) he was unfazed, and just said, “Yeah, James and I look alike, so what?”

He wasn’t upset because Molly’s love for her daddy is beyond obvious. One recent night the two of them spent a good 20 minutes standing in the hallway flipping the light switches on and off. Shortly prior, she amused herself by screaming in my face and laughing hysterically when I screamed back (which is something that I’m sure came from his influence). Frankly, I was surprised she had a voice the next morning.

I’ve decided I need to do this more (so hopefully it doesn’t bore you all) – just talk about her in general, and take random videos, because her personality and habits change so frequently and I know I’ll want to remember these small details one day. As it is, one of our favorite activities is to sit on the couch and watch old videos of her on my phone. The difference between a few months ago and now is extraordinary.

So here they are for right this moment, a few Molly-isms that I adore:

-She’s obsessed with apples. I think on one hand she’s excited about being able to say the word apple, but also she does insist on having an apres-dinner apple nightly, in addition to the apples I know she eats at my sister’s house during the day. I guess as far as vices go, that one isn’t so bad.
-Elmo is her homeboy. This is another word she can say, so that helps, but she also has a serious Sesame Street addiction and loves Elmo best of all. I know this is very common in toddlers but I can’t for the life of me figure out why.
-She is a big fan of going night-night (and yes, says night-night! Notice a theme here?). If she’s tired and I’m not getting the night-night process started in a timely fashion, she’ll lay down on the floor wherever she’s playing, or will toddle up to her crib, grab onto the bars, throw her head back dramatically and start yelling, “Nigh nigh! Nigh nigh!” So she has apparently inherited her father’s looks but her mother’s flair for the dramatic.
-I know kids like to say no, but Molly is just as content to say “Yeah.” Except she doesn’t just say “Yeah” when answering in the affirmative (You know, when you ask her if she wants an apple). She chants, “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” complete with a little dance. Again… nothing halfway for her.
-She never stops talking, but other than the above few words I’ve mentioned, along with, “What are you doing?,” her endless stream of chatter is almost identical to what you’d hear in a Korean nail salon. Same inflections and everything. I’m half tempted to take her into one and see if someone will translate.
-She is obsessed with – and frighteningly adept with – her iPhone. Yes, my 1-year-old has her own iPhone… welcome to 2015, folks. It’s an old phone of Eric’s that we loaded up with kid apps and which I promised myself I would not use as a surrogate parent. But it’s amazing how quickly she figured the thing out. She can unlock it, go into her favorite app, choose and play different videos in the app, etc. And if she accidentally goes into the wrong apps (always likes to check the stock market for some reason) and can’t get back out, she’s smart enough to come find me and offer her Korean explanation of what happened, while also making gestures to indicate that I need to fix it. It’s amazing.

I’m sorry if this is all mundane. The truth is I’m just… happy. Happy, content, satisfied. Slightly stressed out about baby boy’s arrival, but really not even a lot. Eric cleaned his office so that made my OCD calm down a little. We still didn’t set up the nursery stuff yet but I mean seriously, that won’t take more than a couple of hours. I washed and folded a bunch of itty bitty blue onesies and stuff and it’s all sorted and ready to be put into drawers when we get them.

I had off for Columbus Day and spent all day today doing nothing. I had planned to run errands, etc, which is how I spend my weekends usually, but then I woke up this morning and was like, “Screw it, we’re staying in PJ’s and vegging out,” and that’s just what we did. Normally I like getting out, but today… I dunno. It felt good to just relax and do nothing. We baked, we napped, we watched Sesame Street. I definitely couldn’t do it every day but for today it was just right.

Over the weekend we went to a corn maze and visited a few farms in the area. The weather was absolutely perfect – not too hot but not too cold, sunny, fall-y. I’m sort of regretting not doing the pumpkin patch but we already had it planned for the 18th, so hopefully it’s not 50 degrees this weekend like they claim it will be. But even if it is… whatever.

Life is good.

perfect fall weather

first time rockin’ pigtails

lazy Columbus day

Sep 18

in defense of making it up as you go along

Sep 18

Yesterday at lunch a friend asked about Molly’s sleep habits.

She has been a really good sleeper for most of her life, sleeping through the night early on and after a mild bout of 4 month sleep regression and some hiccups while teething, back on track and going to bed between 7 and 8 most nights and waking up around 6:30. The friend in this scenario has a 4-year-old who has never been a great sleeper and who still isn’t. But I can guarantee that has nothing to do with parenting skills and everything to do with luck.

My experience with parenting has been short, but I also think I’ve learned a lot, and here I can sum up everything I know in just a short phrase: There is no right or wrong. All you need to do is love your children.

Molly is a good sleeper because she is a good sleeper. I’ve read nothing on sleep training, I never hired a night nurse to help out, and I don’t think I’ve even Googled tips and tricks that much (because I never really had to). Music actually turned out to be the thing that helped most with signaling bedtime for her, which isn’t even something I found out on my own (my MIL discovered that trick while babysitting her once). But all this talk of sleeping/not sleeping got me thinking.

Every time I go to a baby shower and am solicited for parenting advice for the new mom, I write a variation of the same thing:

“All I can really tell you is that you need to love that baby with your whole heart, and trust your instincts, and everything else will fall into place.”

It’s so true, isn’t it? And none of us really know what the hell we’re doing, especially not the first time around.

I will never forget when Molly was just under a week old and we brought her to church. This was a huge deal because I very rarely convince Eric to attend church with me, but since I had a c-section and couldn’t drive, and wanted to show off the baby, to church we went as a family of three.

Everything went fine but then afterwards at breakfast, we realized that we forgot the nursing cover (and this was well before I felt comfortable whipping my boobs out for all to see), and the nipple shield, and I think also diapers. So we rushed out of the restaurant, bellies empty, with a red-faced, screaming newborn, and put the pedal to the metal (while still trying to drive safely) to make it home as quickly as possible to take care of our new daughter’s urgent need to eat. We laughed together about how green we were with the whole parenting thing.

Despite the fact that going out to breakfast that day was an epic fail, I remember feeling very close to my husband in that moment, very much like, “Well, we may suck at it sometimes, but at least we’re in this together.”

This is probably the pregnancy hormones making me sappy, but lately I’ve been noticing Eric a lot more, and feeling grateful for how involved he is. I was going to write this whole long post about it the other night on Facebook but 1) I know those posts are annoying, it’s totally humble-bragging and 2) he actually ended up needing to go to his mom’s house, leaving me alone to deal with dinner and bedtime, which made the immediate feeling to get all lovey-dovey pass.

Overall though, he is such a great dad, and I feel like I want to let him know that more often than just in mid-June when I’m supposed to tell him. Example – when we got Molly’s 1 year photos done, he was constantly just behind the camera, doing all these silly antics to make her laugh and smile. The photographer was the one who pointed out that seeing a dad that involved and that good at making the baby happy just wasn’t too common. Maybe I’m so used to it, I didn’t even notice. That’s just how he is with her.

I’m definitely the default parent, but still, he 100% knows her routines and moods and likes and dislikes. If there’s ever a night I’m not going to be home, I don’t need to worry about leaving a long list of instructions (sometimes I do leave one, because I’m a control freak, but the point is that I don’t NEED to). He knows that first thing every morning she wants a cup of water and some strawberries and then probably scrambled eggs if it’s the weekend. The other day I overheard him saying, “Oh Molly, you give the best hugs in the world,” as she clung on to him. And yeah, my eyes may have gotten a little misty. He loves her so much, and he makes such a great dad.

Ok so somehow I ended up on this mushy-gushy tangent when really I was talking about parenting. Anyway. So we had the whole sleep discussion and I felt a sense of relief that Molly is such a great sleeper and always has been. But of course the universe was listening and was like, “Ha, ha, not so fast!” Last night Molly woke up crying around 11pm (rare) and multiple attempts to get her back to sleep by both myself and Eric were unsuccessful (even more rare). After the third or fourth time of replacing her binky, rubbing her back, and making sure her lullabies were playing, Eric turned to me and said, “So what should we do?”

Once again, it brought me back to that day over a year ago, when we were driving home from church with the screaming baby, laughing at all the things we didn’t know. Of course I didn’t have the answer, and he didn’t have the answer, and we still don’t have it all figured out, but one thing we do have is this gigantically huge amount of love for our daughter.

I knew no matter what we chose to do last night, it would be the right answer… for right then. So he got up and got her and brought her into our bed. We spent the next couple of hours not sleeping as she tossed and turned and head-butted and generally took up way more space than any small person should take up in a queen sized bed.

We don’t have the answers. We’ll probably never get it absolutely right. But we love that little girl (and also this little boy!) so damn much that it’s ok – we’re all going to survive this.

Now please enjoy the fact that I’m a creeper who takes photos of my sleeping family:

Not sure how I could love anything more

Aug 27

nights like this are hard

Aug 27

Nights like this? Not fun.

Nights when she’s overtired and screaming at me for no reason other than sheer exhaustion.

When I know she had a great time all day thanks to text updates from my sister, but I missed it. I had to work, so I missed the best of her and only got what was left over… the worn out, ready for bed little girl. This happens more times than I can count.

When she won’t eat her dinner. Which is really unlike her.

When I try to keep her awake, because for God’s sake I only get to spend two hours with her in the evenings before bedtime, so I put on the movie I know she dances to at my sister’s house but she’s not even into it. Because she’s too tired.

When I get super overemotional over all of this and cry and cry because dammit… pregnancy hormones.

Tomorrow will be better. She’ll take a better nap, and maybe I can get her to stay up until 8.

Tomorrow will be better because it’s Friday.

And then the weekend – two full days I get to spend with my favorite girl. Truly, I live for it.

Tomorrow will be better.

But tonight just kind of sucks.

the sleepiest girl

May 20

the second one is so different

May 20

I’m feeling very guilty about this pregnancy in general.

It’s inevitable, isn’t it? There’s so much fuss and fanfare with the first, especially when that first is preceded by so much loss, hope, and heartbreak. Every single moment of my pregnancy with Molly felt like a miracle. I walked around in a constant state of awe and gratitude. And to some extent, this pregnancy is even more miraculous – I mean, against all odds, against any expectation or inkling or dream I dared to dream, it happened. So I’m trying to figure out why it’s just not the same.

Someone recently requested new bump photos be added to the “bump” on this blog… how awful is it that I didn’t even think to do that? I will eventually. My belly popped out at like 7 weeks and not much has changed since then. I look like I’m 13 weeks, but I have for many weeks leading up to actual 13 weeks. As of today I am 13 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

I just remember being so freaked out over setting up Molly’s nursery – thinking about it even before I hit the midway mark. For this one my sister-in-law has been eagerly texting me with nursery sets listed for sale, as I think, “Crib? Yeah, I guess we’ll get a crib…”

I’m trying to figure out if this calmness is because I (sort of… kind of…maybe) know what I’m doing this time around and know what to expect, or if it’s just because it was such a shock that I’m not believing it’s really going to happen. For example, the crib – Molly slept in her bassinet for the first few months, as I’m sure this one will too. So realistically I don’t have to buckle down and worry about a crib until next year. Plus, my sister has an old one she’s willing to give me. As for the rest of the furniture… the nursery is already set up, and if it’s a girl, we are really set to go because I have a bajillion clothes in my attic (though they’re all the wrong season – grr).

We have a 3 bedroom house but one is set up as Eric’s office/man cave and I just don’t see where else to put all that stuff. So for now, the babies will be sharing the room. I’m anxious to see if he goes apeshit crazy if it is a boy and decides to throw all his office paraphernalia in the basement to build his son the ultimate boy room… time will tell. My gut is still saying girl. Girl or boy, the walls of the nursery are green, and I guess we can swap out the pink lace curtains if the revelation of a son does not properly motivate my husband.

I went for a sequential screen at the Perinatal Center today even though I didn’t opt to have one with Molly. It’s something that they push at my OB/GYN office and let’s be honest – I’m a sucker for extra ultrasounds. Everything for baby measured right on track and no issues to report. I don’t know if they all just look alike at this stage but my goodness, one look at the photo and it felt like deja vu. Like, hang on a sec… I’ve had this baby before.

Molly on top, new baby on bottom:

twinsies!

I hung the photo up at my desk and I’ve been catching a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye and smiling all day. The further along I get, the more “real” it’s becoming. It may not be the same as my last pregnancy, but it’s incredibly special… in a different way.

May 08

weekend update

May 08

Apologies in advance to Facebook and Insta friends who will probably find these photos redundant.

It’s been a bit of a whirlwind week. Last Saturday, Molly, my MIL, and I accompanied Eric to a conference in Washington DC as a bit of a summer kick-off mini vacay. We could not have asked for better weather, and the hotel/convention center we stayed in was positively gorgeous. It was nice to take a little break and recharge the batteries.

On Sunday we all got to hang out since the conference didn’t kick off until the evening. We took a ferry ride over to Downtown Alexandria and walked around. Molly loved the boat.

Monday Eric was stuck conferencing all day, so my MIL and I (along with Eric’s colleague’s wife and their daughter) headed to the National Zoo in DC. Molly was such a trooper, even with being stuck in her stroller all day – thank the Lord she doesn’t mind napping in there. Her favorite part of the day BY FAR was riding the carousel.

Tuesday we went downtown to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History (did you know they have the Hope Diamond?) and then walked and walked for many hours and miles to see a few of the monuments/historical points of interest. The highlight of the day was finding amaaaaazing gluten-free pizza that’s worth a return trip all by itself.

Our last day was Wednesday – my birthday – and truly it was underwhelming. Welcome to 31, right? We had a huge and delicious breakfast, checked out of the hotel, drove the 4 hours home, and then just kind of sat around. I’m not sure what I was expecting… I guess I’ve reached a point where a birthday is just another day. But at least I wasn’t at work.

Today I had another ultrasound – all looks good, heart rate 176. Since everything went well at my morning appointment, we did make it Facebook official with this photo –

One thing really annoying that happened this weekend? KATE MIDDLETON STOLE MY GIRL’S NAME. I seriously had my heart set on Charlotte and when I heard it was a contender for her, my stomach sank, because I knew that’s the one they would choose. This is a name I fell in love with way back in 2013 when I was pregnant the first time! In other words… long before it became a princess name. Blah. And before you say, “Just use it anyway,” know that I’m dead set on not choosing any top 50 names (and come on, the popularity of Charlotte is about to explode), but I also don’t want anything too out of left field. That’s a task that’s a lot harder than it sounds! Oh, and I’d prefer to stay away from names that end in a “y” sound, because I don’t want it to be too matchy-matchy with Molly. So it’s a tough decision all around.

First world problems, right?

Any name suggestions, send them along! I know Eric wants a boy (and we have a boy name), but my gut is telling me that it’s a girl.

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

Feb 24

8 whole months

Feb 24

Hi there, friends.

I definitely meant to start making structured, organized month-by-month posts, but I failed. I feel like at this stage of the game it’s too late to start. I have been pretty good about at least posting something when she reaches a milestone, so there’s that.

On Monday, Miss Molly turned 8 months old. At first she seemed concerned…

But then Daddy came in to make silly faces, so she cheered up!

Not too many developmental achievements happened over the past 30 days. She is still scooting backwards, not crawling. One change is that she’s started babbling a lot more – lots of da, da, da, with a little wa, ba, ba thrown in. I don’t think she’s addressing Eric per se, but that never stops him from answering her “Da! Da! Daaaaaa!” several times an hour with a “What? What? Whaaaaat?”

At least she’s a pro with (organic, gluten-free) cookies

Let’s see… the kid seems to have a sweet tooth. I’m still spoon feeding her baby food (I know, tres passe), and her favorite one is a sickeningly sweet combo of pears and guava. I started introducing non-mushy food cut into baby-sized pieces, but I think I’ve ruined any potential for BLW success by starting out with traditional baby food. She thinks it’s fun to pick up the banana pieces and place them gently into her lap – doesn’t seem to understand the whole hand to mouth concept. Despite these setbacks, we shall persevere.

I’m genuinely sick of breastfeeding. Well, let me revise – I love breastfeeding, and have even occasionally gone sans-cover up in public. At this point, I just don’t care who sees. I think the entire Lehigh Valley has seen my breasts at one time or another. What I’m sick of is pumping. I was really close to calling it and just letting her have formula during the day when out of the blue, my sister said, “You know, I barely have to give her any formula bottles at all… you always give us plenty of breastmilk.” So… drats. Looks like me and Mr. Pump will keep having our twice daily dates after all.

Lately my absolute favorite thing has been my weekly grocery shopping trips with Molly. She gets a lot of attention no matter where we go – especially when she’s wearing her super cute pink hat – but for some reason, whenever we go to Wegmans I have multiple people stop me to say that she is, “literally, the cutest baby on Earth.” Random people. People with kids of their own, even! Last week a woman stopped me to say it, and said that her 8-year-old son was the one who spotted Molly, and said, “Look, mom, the cutest baby in the world is right over there in that cart.”

Yeah… I died a little.

So besides the fact that Molly is a mini-celebrity at Wegmans, I just love the atmosphere of being there. Wegmans is a great grocery store no matter how you slice it (and I’ve blogged about this before). I walk the aisles, sipping my coffee, picking out organic, beautiful meats and produce, while Molly sits there with her cart cover and her darling hat, swinging her legs, overjoyed at all the things to see and hear. We usually enjoy a leisurely 2 hour shopping trip together. Truly, it’s the highlight of my week.

I know I’ve posted this before… but I just can’t stand the cuteness!

I’m not sure if many of you read my post about Mom Meet Mom, but it’s funny – not long after I posted, the founder of the site contacted me about potentially doing a PR push with my local news channels and newspapers to get the word out in my area. To which I said, of course! After what went down earlier this month (which I PROMISE I’ll be able to talk about very soon), I feel camera-ready. Or at least, more comfortable than I was before.

Coming up in March we have our annual family ski trip to Vermont, which is exciting but also a little scary (since I’ve never been on skis before). Then at the end of March I’m doing my girls weekend in Boston, without my baby, which is also exciting… but a little scary.

Other than that, not much to report. I’m just freezing my little tush off here in PA, with temps in the negatives and dreams of relentless summer heat. I’ve been feeling stir crazy lately – which is partially the reason for 2 hour+ grocery shopping runs – it’s finally at that point in winter where enough feels like enough. And based on Facebook posts from friends and overhearing random conversations, I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Speaking of summer – I’ve reached a bit of a milestone. I’m exactly 50 lbs down from where I was the day Molly was born. That means I’m within 10 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight, but still about 25-30 away from my goal weight. Still – kind of crazy! Crazy that I lost FIFTY WHOLE POUNDS and still have so far to go, haha. I’ve been keeping up with going to the gym, and feel a swell of pride whenever someone there addresses me by name. I go enough that they know me there. That’s an accomplishment, for me at least.

Ok, that’s all for now. Happy Tuesday, everyone!

It’s never too early to put on some lipstick

jumping – always jumping

Feb 20

Mom? Meet…Mom!

Feb 20

So I have this totally unoriginal problem that everyone basically probably has but I’m gonna blog about it anyway. I never claimed to be unique.

Now that I’m a mom, I find myself wanting to schedule play dates… not that Molly necessarily needs to be entertained, but more because I need to be entertained. I’ve fallen victim to that classic conundrum – many of my friends don’t have kids or do have kids and don’t have time, and I find myself yearning for a little adult friendship (yes, I’m aware that sounds creepy). I know there are other moms in my area who probably have the same issues, so I was thinking, wouldn’t it be FANTASTIC if there was a Match.com sort of situation, only 100% platonic, and used as a way for like-minded moms to meet other moms for potential wine and friendship?

Turns out, someone beat me to the punch.

I literally Googled “moms meet other moms” (because I’m cool like that) and found this website – Mom Meet Mom – which I think I read is just in beta phase right now. It’s exactly what I’m looking for (and was considering creating if it didn’t exist… but this way is a lot less work). I love it! The only problem is, it seems fairly new, so perhaps most people don’t know about it just yet. Hence, I doubt I’m really going to meet many other moms in my tiny little area of the country. So far I’ve only received one “friend request” from someone in Canada who appears to be selling something. There’s also a pretty cool-sounding mom who I friend requested who appears to be ignoring me? Like, wtf? But at least there’s hope.

How did you make new friends after becoming a mom? Or did your existing friendships magically stay the same despite the many demands of parenthood/exhaustion/going to bed at 9pm most nights?

I’m lucky enough to have the sort of friends who I can hang out with once every few months and feel like no time has passed. But in reality… time has passed. And sometimes I get bored on weekends. I used to be part of a book club, but it fell apart, which is very disappointing. I need something to keep my busy on the weekends. Some jogging buddies for warmer weather. A couple people to call when I’m sitting around being a lazy bum.

The site feels like online dating in a way – which is kind of funny because I created my profile while sitting right next to my husband! So illicit. I literally just signed up, so I’ll let y’all know how it goes, if it goes. I know. Please try to contain your excitement…

Feb 16

sick house weekend

Feb 16

Well, hello.

Sorry for the abrupt disappearance, especially after that last post, which you may or may not have noticed has since been mysteriously deleted since – OOPS! – I am totally a fame newbie, and as it turns out, it should have never been posted in the first place. I promise to post updates later (when I’m able).

Now… on to now.

Things have been busy. But they’ve also been slow. This is my least favorite part of winter, when I feel like I could go absolutely crazy from being stuck indoors. I like to go out at least once a day, even if “going out” is just running to the grocery store for a couple things or to Target to wander the aisles for a few hours. Luckily, my dear daughter feels the same way I do, and more than happily accompanies me on these little escapades. Eric likes to stay home unless he has to go somewhere, so usually on weekends Molly and I venture out together, leaving him to keep the dogs company and keep the laundry cycling while we’re out gallivanting.

This weekend was a little different. First, Molly was sick last week for the first time. I know! Wahhh, wahhh. My sister’s kids have had colds a couple of times since she’s been going there, and until now, Molly never so much as sneezed from being around them. Internally bragging, I patted myself on the back for all that breastfeeding and all that immunity I was surely passing along. But alas! Her wellness streak ended Monday. She was a snotty, red-eyed, achey, feverish, coughing, crying mess for three solid days. Wouldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. And she certainly inherited my flair for the dramatic, because beyond just not feeling well, she was SO overtly miserable about it. She wanted everyone to know just how terrible she felt, and expressed herself through intermittent bouts of whining, moaning, whimpering, screaming, and good ol’ fashioned crying. It was a fun time, let me tell you.

Finally, once we were past it (and yes, her little illness coincided with my “PRETTY BIG DEAL” of a trip last Tuesday, so that wasn’t cool), she passed it on to me and to Eric. So now it’s a sick house all around (super fun Valentine’s Day over here!). Tissues everywhere. Lots of moaning and groaning. Oh, and I didn’t leave the house ONCE this weekend. Like, didn’t even set foot outside the front door. Feeling poorly coupled with temperatures below zero meant that I just wasn’t motivated. And we basically have no food in the house, so by lunchtime today I was scraping the bottom of the proverbial pantry barrel, suggesting things like, “Canned cranberry sauce… and… tuna fish?” Plus, even though I do not work at a bank, we are afforded holidays like a bank, so we’re off for President’s Day. It’s now Monday and still like the weekend for me. But I can’t breathe, and there’s no food, so I don’t really know how much I’m enjoying it.

Things we’ve been doing since Friday night: napping. Sneezing. Sniffling. Eating. Watching TV. Napping again. Which sounds nice, and I guess it is, but as I believe I’ve mentioned, Molly is in a phase right now where she either needs to be held or be right next to me while she’s sleeping, otherwise she will not sleep. Which is all well and good, except when I want to get things done, which is usually. And trust me, I’ve tried pretending to nap with her only to sneak away once she’s good and asleep, and she rarely falls for it. It’s like she has some sort of radar. So I’ve been sleeping every day from 9-11 and 3-5. Not very conducive to housework.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about my baby’s first birthday party. And when I say thinking, I mean stressing. We have a fairly large back yard, and we’ve had parties here before, but having a party here would require a fair amount of clean-up. The remnants of the bathroom remodel were sort of just thrown back there in a pile, and as much as I’d love that motivation (PEOPLE ARE COMING OVER! CAN’T LOOK TOO WHITE TRASH-Y!) to get it taken care of, I’d also worry that we physically couldn’t do it in time. There’s also the matter of rain. If it were to pour, my tiny house could not accommodate half of the guests I plan to invite, much less the whole lot of them. It could be disastrous.

So I was looking into a local park that has pavilions, but there are all these rules and a rather large deposit required if you want to serve alcohol. Which I do want to. But then I think, what kind of person am I if I choose not to have a first birthday party at a place solely based on whether or not I’d be able to serve alcohol?

Sorry for the rambling. Any great ideas for first birthday party venues? I really do want it to be outside (since she was born at such a beautiful time of year), but with a back-up plan for rain. If you’d like to volunteer to help me clean up my back yard, that’s cool, too.

What else? Sorry, my head is foggy. I’m sure this post makes very little sense and is riddled with typos, but once a certain amount of time has passed I feel a sort of obligation to say something. I have plenty to say but no time to actually get the words from my head to the keyboard.

And now she’s fussing. Talk to you soon-ish.

Jan 29

letting go (a little bit)

Jan 29

I’m gonna skip the part where I apologize for the lengthy absence. You know the drill – work, baby, vacuuming endless piles of dog hair, sleep, etc, etc. I thought keeping up with my blog would be easy but as it turns out…not so easy.

But with drama looming on the horizon, I’m back! Ok, drama might be too strong a word. Let’s call it “growing.” Let’s call it “progress.”

Here’s what happened: I started planning a weekend visit with two friends who I only get to see maybe once a year, if that. One of these friends lives in Boston, which is a pretty cool city, so we decided to go visit her there. She is a fitness instructor (I mean, part-time, in addition to her full-time job, because she’s an animal!) and my other friend is really into working out too, so we decided it would be fun to take her class as part of our weekend. As a gym newbie, I’m a little scared, but it’s better than planning to just sit around sipping cocktails and eating bagels, right? (I mean, we’ll probably do that too, but at least it will somewhat balance out if we burn a bajillion calories beforehand).

The more we started throwing around the phrase “girl’s weekend,” the more I started to realize that the trip wouldn’t necessarily be kid-friendly. My initial daydreams about our get-together included a smiling, bouncy baby playing on the floor as everyone oohed and aahed. I pictured myself dropping her off with a little wave at the gym’s daycare while I took the crazy intense workout class. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this scenario was probably not realistic. My friends are both young professionals, and I’m doubting they want to be in bed by 7 like Molly does. Going to dinner and drinks at 5pm to accomodate her schedule? Probably not their idea of a great time.

After a few planning emails back and forth we decided that it was probably best that I not bring the baby. The gym where my friend teaches doesn’t even have a daycare, so if I did bring her, I wouldn’t be able to take the class – ostensibly the whole point of the trip. I panicked for a moment and considered cancelling. I’ve never, in her entire short life, spent a night apart from my baby girl! But then I took a deep breath, put on my big girl panties, and asked Eric if he could handle a weekend alone with Miss Molly. He answered with a very serious, “Well I am the girl’s father, aren’t I?”

Truth be told, I think this could be a very good thing. Molly is very clingy to me…but only when she knows I’m in the vicinity. That’s why Eric hisses “Don’t you dare walk by that door!” when he’s in the nursery rocking her to sleep. The moment she sees me, she goes into full-on meltdown mode until I pick her up. So… I think a weekend of bonding with daddy could be great for both of them. And you know what else? I think it could be great for ME.

The closest thing I have to equate this to is our morning routine. Molly usually wakes up around 5/5:30 but my alarm doesn’t go off until 6. Eric gets up at 5:30 and lets the dogs out, then comes back inside and makes his coffee, and then heads back into the bedroom to rescue me. By 5:45, Molly is usually singing/babbling to herself, idly kicking my arm, and shoving her fingers up my nose while I pretend I’m still sleeping. Every morning he picks her up and brings her out to the living room and for 15 glorious minutes, I sleep. I sleep the sleep of a mom who isn’t listening for her baby to cry, who isn’t bunching her pillow up tightly so it doesn’t suffocate the sleeping child next to her, who isn’t tensed up and ready to keep her huband (or dog or self) from rolling onto the aforementioned child who has decided that after midnight, she absolutely must be transferred into mommy and daddy’s bed (Her crib is acceptable between 7 and midnight, but after that, not so much). It’s not real sleep, or REM sleep, but it’s something. It’s “I can let go now” sleep.

I’m picturing a whole weekend of sleep like this, and of just…existing like this. Sure, I go to work every day, and technically that’s a “break” from being a mom, but at work I have to… work. Since I’ve had her, I haven’t had any significant amount of leisure time that didn’t involve my daughter. That’s mostly by design, because if I’m not at work, she is hands down my favorite person to hang out with. BUT, at the same time, it could be interesting/invigorating to have a whole weekend of just being Amanda again. And surely a happier Amanda, because it’s not the doom-and-gloom Amanda terrified that she’ll never get to be a mom. I’ll rest easy knowing that I get to be a mom again in 48 hours. What could be better?

I’m sure I’ll be worried, but at the same time, I’ll know she’s in capable hands. I’m very lucky that Eric knows what to do (even if I’m the one who usually does it). He knows how to feed her, and entertain her, and get her to sleep. I may be the default parent, but he definitely knows what he’s doing. And if he does get overwhelmed, he has his parents, my parents, my sister, and his sisters all within a 5 mile radius. There’s just no reason for me to NOT go.

I plan on driving there, so if I freak out with separation anxiety and have to cancel at the last minute (or make a U-turn the minute I arrive), I can without any lost money due to cancelled airline tickets or whatever. But I don’t think that I will.

I’m part of a private mom’s group on Facebook and I got a lot of great feedback when I posted about this issue – it seemed like there were two sides: 1) OMG I COULD NEVER LEAVE MY BABY and 2) Ugh, I would kill for a girl’s weekend. Anyone wanna go to Vegas? Up until we started planning this trip I definitely considered myself part of group one. But now that I’m going, I’m excited to be going. Does that make sense? Has anyone else had a similar situation?

In other news… not much going on. Working, living, hanging out. Still working my butt off in the gym but getting impatient about not seeing results fast enough (especially in light of this trip, with two of the fittest people I know). I have two months to step up my game.

I’ll leave you with some pictures of the little princess. I told her she’s growing up too quickly and she better stop it or else, but she didn’t seem to listen…

she can stand now (but still won’t do it for mommy, only for Aunt Ashley)

what can I say? the kid loves grocery shopping

her cousin Addi is probably her second favorite person in the world

her favorite toy, and we don’t have the heart to tell her its for ages 2 and up

yes… 7 months old now….

future Disney star?

toys are so exciting!!

this mirror tells her she’s pretty…

…and she loves it.

Dec 03

bursting with gratitude

Dec 03

Tell me this happens to all of you, too: you’re in the shower, or preparing dinner, or busy at work, and in your head you compose a post. It’s a great post! Chock full of wit and intrigue! But then, when the time comes to sit down and write it out, the words are just…gone. This has been happening to me a lot lately.

I thought for sure I’d have time to do a Thanksgiving post, especially since this year I am the most thankful person that ever did thank. Also, I worked from home during the snowstorm on Wednesday, and had off Friday. And yet somehow the weekend slipped away from me. Ah, well.

I’ve been thinking a lot about being thankful. I’m still doing a lot of that. I don’t know if any of you follow Scary Mommy, but lately the majority of those posts have been sort of annoying me. It seems like every other post (with a few notable exceptions) is about a mom just counting down the minutes until bedtime, or hiding in the bathroom from her kids, or chugging wine and trying to get out of story time. And yes, I understand that parenting is hard…especially when you have multiple children…and complaining is natural, and normal. And maybe I don’t have the right to say this yet because I’ve only been a parent for a few short months and I only have one child. But where are all the posts filled with joy and gratitude? Where are all the moms rushing home without stopping to pick up creamer first, because one quick trip to the grocery store on a weeknight means 15 minutes fewer with her sweet baby? I know those moms are out there, too. I happen to be one of them.

Some things in life, even things that I really, really look forward to, are not as good as I imagined. Being a mom? Better. So, so much better. I am grateful in every waking moment. When it’s 5 am and I’m frickin’ exhausted and she won’t stop kicking my boob and babbling at me…when she cries and fusses for absolutely no reason at all…when she (willfully?) grabs my hair and yanks..I smile, and I’m thankful. I’m not doing it for show, or because I don’t feel like I have a right to complain. I am genuinely, truly filled to bursting with appreciation and awe every day of my life. It’s a very strange thing to try to explain. And for someone who has been spoiled and perhaps a bit overindulged (relatively speaking) for most of her life, it’s a wee bit of an adjustment.

Thanksgiving was awesome. Molly had her first taste of food (organic sweet potatoes), and she did very well with them. We’ve tried to give them to her a couple more times but she has a “take it or leave it” kind of attitude about the whole thing. When we’re eating, she looks fascinated, but once we give her a turn she doesn’t seem to care anymore. I’m curious to see what happens when we try something different.

We did Christmas photos on Sunday and I’m dyinnnnnnng to see the proofs (and order cards). I had a little bit of a “new mom fail” at the photo shoot because I only brought a formal outfit, whereas my mom and sister brought PJs for the other kids to change into and those pictures are going to be so adorable. I wish someone had communicated to me that kids require multiple costume changes. How was I supposed to know?!

The new job? Ahhhhh, heaven! I’m already busy with work and my days fly by. The benefits there are incredible – not just infertility coverage, but even their maternity leave is DAMN GOOD. (Unsure if I’m allowed to disclose specifics, so I won’t, but I will say I’m thrilled). They actually have dedicated lactation rooms. With leather couches and high-tech massage chairs. For realz.

I have a billion more things to say but clearly I can’t remember any of them AND I need to go do some more (online) Christmas shopping. I started out saying that I was only going to get Molly one or two things since she’s clueless this year anyway, but so far I’ve already blown that limit out of the water and Eric’s been shopping for her, too. We just can’t help it. We’re too damn excited. And grateful. Incredibly, ridiculously grateful.