As expected, my PCP was not thoroughly swayed by my food allergy argument. To appease my delicate emotional state, he offered to refer me to an allergist to do a more in-depth test. He also suggested that maybe I was reacting to the fructose in high fructose corn syrup, not the corn. A little bit of research determined that Fructose Malabsorption is a fairly common malady and gave a list of foods to avoid. This list included a bunch of fruits (boo), some vegetables (double boo) and even coconut milk. Coconut milk is a mainstay of the Paleo diet. So I ask you – what the hell can I eat? I feel like food is out to get me and it’s more than a little frightening. I really want to know exactly WHAT is causing these issues. Next week I will literally be subsisting on broccoli, which seems to be the only totally “safe” food. It’s OK; I like broccoli. And this could be a good thing because the doctor weighed me and holy shit I almost weight as much as my husband infertility/carb loading has caused my weight to skyrocket to an unacceptable number. So, broccoli it is. Mmmmm…broccoli. (Please don’t call the authorities on me, I’m totally kidding about only eating broccoli. I’ve also decided to include peppers and celery).

I was over at my parent’s house last night for my little sister’s EIGHTH birthday celebration. I cannot believe she was born eight years ago. Where does the time go? Anyway, we were discussing natural healing and all that jazz and my mom got all serious and said I really needed to try acupuncture in addition to my crazy broccoli diet. She’s been seeing the same chiropractor/acupuncturist since I was eight years old and apparently he really wants to see me. I know acupuncture is huge in the infertility world, but I just never thought I needed it. Remember, I was strolling merrily along believing that my only problem was sperm count/motility/morphology, not anything with me. Last week proved otherwise. So now I have to figure out how to heal myself. She had mentioned yoga and meditation, which you would realize is totally out-of-character if you knew my mom. But again last night she said, “I’m serious about the yoga, meditation and acupuncture. You need to do those things.” And again, my husband gave me a look that said, “Seriously, between the grass fed beef, organic produce and acupuncture you’re going to put us in the poor house.” Which is probably true. But when it comes to healthy living, can you really put a monetary value on it? If anyone has any success stories or advice in regards to acupuncture, I would really appreciate it.

I was not expecting my PCP to be so concerned and involved, but he totally took me by surprise. He asked all the right questions and ordered up a slew of blood clotting disorder tests (as I figured he would) and made me promise that my OB/GYN would keep him in the loop on the tissue results from the D&C and any additional tests that she requests. He even shared that he and his wife had experienced a few losses early in their marriage, so he had personal experience with diagnosing the cause of this particular issue. I don’t know why I was so surprised that he cared. But anyway, it can’t hurt to have multiple doctors all doing their own individual research and diagnostics. I sort of feel like a lab rat, but since Dr. House does not exist in real life, I just have to work with who I have.

How many regular doctors does it take to match House’s misogynistic brilliance? Three, hopefully. And possibly an acupuncturist.