burnt toast life

  • home
  • about
  • the story of burnt toast
  • the timeline
  • contact

Nov 30

the good with the bad

Nov 30

This is a hard post to write, literally and figuratively.

So much has happened over the past few weeks that I feel exhausted just thinking about getting it all out of my brain and onto my blog. Big things – both good and bad – are going on right now, and the longer I wait, the more that happens. So I’m just going to dive right in and finally update this thing with the news of right now.

The first big (bad) thing that happened is that I lost my job. I know… it’s truly awful! You’ll remember that I’m working at my dream company, a place that I actively targeted for five years before finally breaching the seemingly impenetrable walls of the fortress.

This comes as no surprise, however. I started at Rodale as part of the e-commerce team, retail being a new endeavor that they were hoping to grow but which sadly had to be pared down and restructured for a multitude of reasons I won’t bore you with here. Long story short, almost my entire team got laid off (except for 3 survivors who now face the daunting task of doing the work of 12 people), so you know, nothing personal. I’ve never lost a job before so this whole experience has been very enlightening.

One nice thing is that the company gave us six week’s notice, and I am still employed until 12/30. Coming in to work the day after the big announcement was definitely awkward, but as days passed we all just got used to it. It’s not uncommon now to pass by a coworker’s screen and see a draft of her resume blatantly displayed, or overhear conversations about job interviews and LinkedIn connections. It’s all at once funny, sad, and weird.

Mostly I’ll miss the people I’ve been working with every day for the last two years. I always miss the people most of all! We have such a great group of ladies who are all so talented, and while I’d love to believe we’ll stay in touch, the reality is that it’s unlikely. It’s scenarios like this that force me to admit how useful social media can be.

Anyway, I’m remaining surprisingly upbeat despite this setback. Maybe it’s naiveté and maybe it’s just optimism, but something in me is convinced I won’t remain unemployed for long. I had one interview yesterday and have another Monday (for an internal role), and I have a couple other prospects I’m waiting to hear from. I truly believe something will work out for me.

As for the other thing… the baby thing… no, I’m not putting that on hold, even though I probably should. For one thing, I’m about to lose my infertility coverage (unless I get that internal gig) and for another, I’m not going to start planning my life around work. I like working, but I’m never going to be a ladder-climbing career gal, if you know what I mean. Motherhood comes first, work second. I have no idea how this will all play out and I learned long ago that my best-laid plans can all be dashed in an instant. So… it may be crazy… but the transfer is still happening this month.

Part of me is thinking it’s dumb to be posting this on a public personal blog. But again – whatever! If a potential employer somehow sees this and decides not to hire me based on my desire to have more children, then I’m glad to know that up front. Because my intention is to have more kids and there’s no company in existence that would change my mind on that.

I just started my daily Estradiol and my PIO shots are in the mail and should arrive today – yay. I’m picking up the cryo tank from my new fertility clinic Thursday night and heading into Manhattan (with a good friend chauffeuring) early Friday AM. One nice thing about being laid off is that things have become super lax as far as hours are concerned, and literally no one cares about me leaving early or coming in late (hours before were super flexible – now it’s a total free-for-all). I’m very nervous about this whole ‘picking up the embryos’ thing going smoothly. The new clinic required 12 pages of legalese signed, initialed, and witnessed just for me to think about bringing the embryos in the door. Checking them out from NYC only requires a one page form, but it does need to be notorized (to-do list addition: find a notary). I’ve been going nuts trying to coordinate and plan all the bits and pieces of this event, from forms to weekly monitoring appointments and everything in between. I will definitely feel a lot more relaxed on Friday afternoon when embryos are safely where they need to be at the new clinic. I’ll feel even more relaxed mid-month when one of those embryos is all the way where it needs to be – a.k.a., my uterus.

What else? Oh no big deal, it’s December and I haven’t started Christmas shopping, plus did I mention I’m unemployed? We have something going on every night this week, I’m supposed to be relaxing and mentally preparing for this embryo transfer, ALSO I’m frantically job hunting, and we need to put up and decorate the tree, and take Christmas photos, and mail out cards, and continue with the little details of daily life… ahhh! It’s enough to drive any sane person absolutely bananas.

And as if that wasn’t enough, we had a birthday brunch for Liam last Sunday on the day of his first birthday (which I had to plan, shop for, cook for, and clean for). Yes, my son is ONE! What! The party was just for immediate family, but even then the guest list included 15 adults and 13 children who all crammed into my tiny house. It was crowded, noisy, and lovely, and Liam definitely enjoyed himself and smashed his cake in his own good time (5 minutes after everyone stopped taking videos and wandered out of the kitchen).

He’s been getting much better at walking and can do the mummy-esque shuffle across the length of a room. He falls a lot, but gets right back up, and you should see how proud he is of himself. I can’t believe how big he’s getting. I can’t believe how much I’ve forgotten to write down. Oh, the poor, neglected second child.

That’s really it for now. If you could all say a few prayers for me I would truly appreciate it – that the embryo moving day goes smoothly, that the embryo transfer works (looking like right around 12/13 or 12/14, and hopefully I’ll post again before then but with my track record I’m not making any promises), that I find a job, that I find space to relax and breathe, and that I don’t lose my ever-loving mind in the meantime. Thanks, friends.

Here are some party pics of my big man:

he kept the hat on for approx 4 seconds

he kept the hat on for approx 4 seconds

he knows how old he is

he knows how old he is

yay - cake!

yay – cake!

cake = smashed

cake = smashed

need a ride?

need a ride?

Posted by amanda 3 Comments
Filed Under: IVF, milestones, monthly updates, the big things Tagged: embryo transfer, first birthday, liam

Jun 29

a birthday party to remember

Jun 29

As expected, Molly’s party was wet, rainy, and cold. There were both high points and low points of the day:

THE GOOD
-Everyone who said they were coming actually showed up.
-Parents dressed their children in sweatshirts, rain coats, and rain boots and allowed them to play on the playground, regardless of the crummy weather. The kids loved it.
-There was the perfect amount of food – didn’t run out, and didn’t have many leftovers at all.
-Everyone seemed to stay in good spirits despite the dreary atmosphere.
-Did I mention this whole day was celebrating my beautiful daughter, who I waited so long to have, and who brings me indescribable joy on a daily basis? How can I really complain?

THE BAD
-Molly was NOT PLEASED with the whole concept of cake smashing. She cried and screamed as though we were holding her over a bed of hot coals rather than offering her a pink frosted mountain of sugar and goodness. It made for cute photos, but was rather anti-climatic as far as cake smashes go. Isn’t that supposed to be the highlight of the 1-year-old’s birthday party?
mollycakesmash
-We had planned on spending the entire day hanging out, socializing, playing corn hole and ladder golf and enjoying the company of our nearest and dearest. As the day wore on and the temperature plummeted, people started leaving left and right. We wrapped up the party just as the heavier rain started… about 2.5 hours after it started. Lames-ville.

THE UGLY
-After throwing all of our soggy party supplies into the back of my van and speeding off, we frantically unloaded in the downpour. My kitchen became a lake. All of us were chilled to the bone. It took about three hours to clean up/dry off. So not what I had in mind.

Ah, well. At least it’s over and I don’t have to stress about it anymore (though I am feeling resentful of today’s perfectly sunny, 80 degree weather. NOT. FAIR.). Molly got a whole bunch of lovely gifts, but none pulled at my heartstrings so much as this book:
wish

Oh. my. goodness. This came from a dear friend who also bought me Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You for my baby shower, which is sad in it’s own right and which I still cannot make it through without getting a little misty eyed (First line, first page: “I wanted you more than you’ll ever know…”)

But this book. YOU GUYS.

Eric read it first and I asked if it was going to make me cry (knowing that this friend picks out books like that, perhaps on purpose) and he was like, “Oh, yeah. You’re gonna cry.” I didn’t even make it past the cover flap. For real! For anyone who has gone through infertility, this is a must-read. And if you haven’t gone through it, then buy it for a friend who has. Because it’s fun to make people cry.

That’s all for me, for now. Countdown to gender reveal = 8 days! Chinese gender predictor says GIRL. Any guesses?

Posted by amanda 13 Comments
Filed Under: milestones Tagged: first birthday

hello, my name is deeda


sister, daughter, wife, and mama to 5 sweet children on earth, 4 in heaven. self-conscious writer. voracious reader. sarcasm enthusiast. dependable Taurus. lover of broken things. reluctant adult. FOMO sufferer. drinker of coffee. burner of toast.

get post updates by email

Instagram

…

tweet with toast

My Tweets

Categories

  • all the lists (9)
  • dog things (10)
  • IVF (75)
  • milestones (34)
  • miscarriage (27)
  • miscellany (108)
  • monthly updates (51)
  • parenting mishaps (34)
  • pregnancy (67)
  • the big things (44)
  • the little things (66)
  • Whole30 (4)

search the site

Archives

Theme by 17th Avenue · Powered by WordPress & Genesis