Warning: graphic/disturbing post to follow. Keep reading at your own risk, and only if you’re in an emotional place to handle some seriously heavy shit.

I’m sorry for posting this. I get super annoyed with people that litter my Facebook news feed with sad pictures of abandoned/neglected animals all day, because I am totally in favor of animal adoption. My pets are adopted. Why should I be subjected to these horrific images when I’m one of the good guys? It doesn’t seem fair that I should be forced to see depressing images and occasionally have to stifle my weeping while at work (solution: stop checking Facebook at work and/or hide frequent offenders).

With that in mind, I need to apologize for sharing this story with you. Because you don’t deserve to know about it. But I just can’t stop thinking about it, and when something is on my mind like that, this blog is my source of catharsis. Plus, I know I can count on you all for some righteous anger, especially in light of the situation.

First, take a look at this person. Take a nice, long look at her:

She recently came into local (and maybe even national?) news level fame for giving birth in the bathroom of a local restaurant, suffocating her newborn son, and leaving him dead in the toilet. Her full-term, 100% viable baby son. Suffocated. Murdered. And left dead in a fucking bathroom.

That was bad enough. Even though it’s been all over my news feed (dammit, Facebook!), I was content to not even read the article and just know that this world is seriously messed up. This is not the first time something like this has happened, though it was extra creepy that it happened so close to home, at a restaurant I’ve actually been to. When the story broke, they didn’t even have a suspect yet, it was just an anonymous infant dead in a toilet. Sickening. But still, I tried to avoid it and not think about it.

But today. Today I started to see posts indicating that they had identified this lovely woman, a 26-year-old who unfortunately shares the same name as me. 26, as in old enough to know better. Not a stupid teenager at prom (not that her being a teenager would make it OK, but it would at least provide some sort of explanation). She’s 26. The same age I was when I started trying to conceive.

Here’s what made me shake with rage and know I needed to post this. They found out that this bitch was hanging out at the restaurant watching a wrestling event on TV. She did her “business” in the bathroom, and then went back out to continue drinking, smoking and watching wrestling for another hour before leaving. I just… I just can’t. Not even the slightest modicum of remorse. Just another night at the bar for her. You know, stop by, have some drinks, give birth, murder baby, keep drinking, go home to bed. Fucking awesome.

People are already demanding the death penalty for this piece of trash (yup, we fry ’em here in PA). It will probably be a while before she goes to trial, and even longer before she’s actually executed, if that is in fact the decision they make. But the point is, it doesn’t even matter. That precious child is gone. Not that he deserved her for a mother, but to enter this world and leave it so quickly, and in such a traumatic way…well, I’m crying as I type this. I can’t wrap my head around it.

And I don’t understand. I don’t understand why she got pregnant, and one of us infertiles who is desperately dreaming of that precious gift just can’t. I don’t understand why she got to carry a baby to term when I can’t make it past 8 weeks. I don’t understand why no one was in that bathroom – at a bar? During an event? Did no one hear this going on, something like labor and delivery, in a damn bathroom? I wish to God I would have been there. I wish I would have stumbled in right before she made that choice and had just taken the baby from her. She was a few miles from a hospital, where she could have left the baby, penalty free. Hell, she could have left the living baby in the bathroom and someone would have saved him. Anything. Any decision would have been better than the one she made.

There’s really nothing else to say. I’m so pissed at the world tonight. I’m pissed at how unfairly these things are dealt out, and I sincerely hope it makes sense to me one day, maybe in the next life after this. Sorry for bringing you down. But I can’t get this off my mind. I’m so disheartened right now.