burnt toast life

Totally fit now (sort of)

As the Insanity 2-month full body assault ends this week, I have a few moments to reflect. Reflect on how much stronger I am, how much more endurance I have and how I still don’t fit in those damn jeans.

I figured it was going to impossible to stick with the program. I figured I would give up at some point and wonder, “What if?” I never imagined I would actually do the whole thing and not get the results I wanted. Improbable!

Oh sure, I got results. I can do more push ups than ever before, I can run without dying, I can jump up and down for 50 minutes straight and smile the whole way though. But who cares? I mean, when’s the last time anyone asked anyone to drop down and do 50 push-ups? (In an office, I mean. Not in the army).

I can feel my muscles, they’re rock hard. The problem is that they’re hidden under this stubborn layer of extra stuff (I refuse to utter the f-word, but that’s totally what it is) and I can’t get to them. I think it has something to do with all that Easter candy and that 5 lb. bag of Hot Tamales that Kevin brought into the home. Those things are like crack to me. And I’m talking about the Mike & Ike candy Hot Tamales, not actual tamales. I’m sure those are much more low cal.

So what now? I finish this thing on Sunday and then… start over? Will that even help? And let’s say I do manage to swap out my crack-laced Hot Tamales for carrots and celery sticks. How long does it take for the muscles to disinegrate or whatever they do? These are just questions I have no answer for. I think the short answer is that in the grand scheme of weight loss and body sculpting, what you eat is far more important than what you do. At least it is for me and my shoddy metabolism. So rather than celebrating and photo taking on the 6th of May, I’ll be sighing and repeating. It’s very, very frustrating.

But in other news, I’m one year closer to 30 as of Sunday! That’s really exciting. It probably sounds like I’m being facetious, but I’m not. My mom always said her 30s were her best years. So I’m looking forward to being older and wiser but still not wrinkly and gray. And you’ll never guess what I have planned for the weekend – eating! Lots and lots of eating! I think I may have found the root of my problem here.

Insanely doing INSANITY

I have held off on posting about Insanity because frankly, I didn’t know if I could stick with it. Now here I am on Day 23 and finally ready to say that I will not give up/die from exertion. Either of those things would have happened already… and they didn’t.

I must be insane.


For those of you not acquainted with the late night infomercial circuit, Insanity is an intense 60-day workout program that promises a better body by torturing you with 6 days a week of sadistic cardio workouts. The program was designed for people dissatisfied with their workouts who wanted to take things to the next level – and quickly. So basically, it was made for fit people who wanted to be insanely fit. As a couch potato who literally went from never working out to attempting this ridiculous regimen, it’s fair to say that it was a bit of a shock to my system. A bit.

The first three days I couldn’t walk. I mean that literally. If I sat down at work and let my muscles get cold, standing up to take trips to the bathroom became a lurching, Frankenstein-like freak show that prompted coworkers to ask if I had seriously injured my leg/foot/ankle. “Just Insanity,” I had to mumble while hobbling by. The second week was much better. Much better meaning that I was able to walk without any disclaimers – but it still hurt like hell.

The program is set up to include measurements, weigh ins, and a fit test every 15 days. After the first 15 days I assumed I would have reached my goals already. I mean, putting yourself through that kind of intensity should result in super fast results, right? Wrong. While I did lose inches (I think 4 overall and mostly in the boob area, of course), I looked exactly the same. Oh, and I lost exactly 1 pound. I know what you’re thinking: muscle weighs more than fat. Blah, blah, blah. But the reason that I’m doing this at all is because I’m sick and tired of not fitting in my cute jeans. I hate being “that girl” that gains weight after marriage, even if the marriage part had nothing to do with it. It’s the damn sitting-at-a-desk-all-day job. And maybe chocolate, just a little bit.

Anyway, I assumed that my body would be whipped into shape in no time. I was even considering posting pictures at every milestone since the program makes you take those horribly embarrassing “before” shots. At 15 days I was discouraged. Now at almost 30 days, things are looking up.

Almost overnight I noticed how much stronger I feel. My flexibility has increased dramatically and I’m finally starting to notice a difference in the mirror (though I doubt anyone else will yet). I have given myself a strict “no scale” rule except for milestone days, so I don’t know about weight loss. I don’t care about the number at all, I just need to slide my butt into those goal jeans. And that will definitely deserve a picture post.

So that’s where I am. Without doing it intentionally, it seems that I scheduled so that the final day of Insanity falls on my birthday. Fun, right? I have heard rumors that the second month is when the real work begins, which is a ridiculous concept if you’ve ever attempted the first month. Even with my improved physical condition I can only make it through 85-90% of the workout (and trust me, that’s a real accomplishment). So we shall see. At least I look forward to doing it every morning and feel even better after doing it. Now if I can just get Eric to stop making fun of me while I’m jumping around like an idiot…