It’s not the worst day, so don’t worry yet. But my head is pounding and I’m feeling like shit and I just want today to end, already!

First, I had my fourth and final beta today. I know, my clinic is all weird and does four. Truthfully, it’s nice to have that peace of mind at the six week mark rather than waiting for the ultrasound at 7 weeks. Well, you know, it would be nice… if I got any answers.

I went to the outside lab I usually go to. I kept my phone on hand – even on bathroom trips – all day long. No call. At 5, I sent an email to the nurses, hoping to get a prompt response. They wrote back at 8:30. The email started off in a negative way, “We are sorry but we only have…” and my heart sank. Thought it was over. But no! After frantically reading it 5 times in a row, I stopped my panic attack in its tracks and figured out that it ACTUALLY said they only have my Progesterone level, not my beta. I’m to continue all medications and call my lab in the morning to have them fax the rest of the results.

Seriously, lab? You had to screw it up? And why couldn’t they have JUST reported the HCG, and not the Progesterone? Who gives a shit about Progesterone? Yes, gross suppositories twice a day. Gotcha. Covered.

Soooo that means I get to wait a whole ‘nother day to get the results. And probably the whooooole day, because God knows they never call in a timely manner. Stress levels are through the roof, which is stupid, because I’m supposed to be calm and serene. But I have more bad news.

Let’s back it up a minute.

Prior to my freak-out email to the nurses, I got to sit in on a benefits meeting at work. I’m eligible for benefits next month, and of course, I was especially interested in their maternity leave details. They offer short term disability through Aflac. OK, cool, sign me up. Except… coverage for maternity leave doesn’t kick in until 10 months after your eligibility date. So… that’s September. Kid is due in June. Shit.

It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t get maternity leave! I’m not an independent contractor; I work for regular companies that should (and always have) had coverage for something simple like having a baby. Right? It’s not like I’m having the kid tomorrow. This is seven months away! What the freaking hell! I couldn’t express my outrage during the meeting because it was a group meeting, but I have a one-on-one with the overly perky and frankly obnoxious Aflac lady on Wednesday to confirm what plan to choose. So I’ll be able to figure out if I was reading it correctly. But can they DO that?

I was already fretting over how to live on 60% of my salary… ain’t no way we can live on 0%. So I called my mom and she was like, “Oh, you only need two weeks to recover. If that.” And then… I started bawling. Two weeks? Three and a half years, two miscarriages, and countless breakdowns over this damn kid, and I can’t even stay home with him/her for longer than two weeks? That’s just not fair.

Well, that’s if I’m even still pregnant. But who knows! Here I am, borrowing problems from the future once again. Freaking out over actually bringing home a child when I’m so far from that point. If that’s my stipulation…that I can only have this baby if I go back to work 2 weeks later…then FINE. BRING IT. I will do that. But I’m not gonna be happy about it.

I have a while to figure it out. Step one: maintain healthy pregnancy. Step two: ramp up the freelance stuff and save up 2 or 3 month’s salary over the course of aforementioned healthy pregnancy. Step three: Have a baby, and stop complaining, because it will all work out.

But seriously. Shitty, shitty day. I’ll let you know about the beta tomorrow (if anyone bothers to tell me the results).