I’ve spent the better part of the week obsessing over something I have 100% no control over – the weather. Looks like a massive rainstorm is poised to hit the entire east coast this weekend. Oh, and we’re throwing Molly a first birthday party. Outside. In a park.
It’s not all bad. We do have a pavilion… it’s just a rather small pavilion. So let’s just say everyone who shows up will get rather cozy with one another. I caught myself saying this morning, “This is the worst thing that could have possibly happened!” That’s when I realized – no. The worst thing would have been if I never got to have Molly, so there wouldn’t be a birthday party at all. Sometimes I need a little perspective.
Between making shopping lists and obsessing over weather.com, I never got to post on her actual birthday, which is what I meant to do. I did jot down some thoughts but just never got around to publishing them. Eric and I both took off work on Tuesday, her actual birthday, and spent a lovely day swimming at my in-laws and just enjoying the company of our daughter. I made her a cake from scratch and we sang to her. It was nice.
Below I’m going to share a letter I wrote to her in honor of her first birthday. Then, for those of you who haven’t already seen these on Facebook, I’m going to share some of the photos from her 1 year photo session (which was also outside, but not in the rain). Rain or shine, I truly am blessed to have this child in my life.
My dear Molly,
I can’t say that you made me a mommy. Your sisters who came before, now waiting for us in heaven, get credit for that. All my little embryos do. But you were the one who I got to hold. You’re the one who made me understand what that being a mommy really meant.
Before you were born I used to talk to you all the time. I was so excited to meet you! I’d be driving home from work and I’d just keep telling you how much I wanted to know you and you’d kick inside my belly like you knew what I was saying. I didn’t like being pregnant as much as I thought I would – mostly because I was impatient and just wanted to know you. What did you look like? What was your personality? The 9 month mystery was just too much for me.
I’ve already written so much about the day you were born, and I won’t say it all again now. You were late – you must have been so warm and cozy in there that you didn’t want to come out. I didn’t get to hold you right away but I did see you and hear you. So tiny, my little girl! But still healthy and strong. You were so much better than I could have imagined.
Molly, this year has been so different than every year that came before it. It’s almost as if I can’t remember a time before you existed – you have filled the spaces in our lives so completely that imagining life without you is basically impossible. We waited so long for you. Every tear I cried, every dark night I had, every doubt that plagued my worried mind has disappeared completely since you came into the world. Now every moment leading up to you makes sense because it brought us more than we could have dared to hope for. You were so, so worth the wait.
I love everything about you, all the little things and all the big things too. I love your smile and your laugh. I love how you don’t crawl, but instead scoot all around on your butt. How you clap when you’re happy and touch your cheek when you’re sad. How you kick your feet when you’re excited and tense them up and yell when you’re mad. The way you eat everything, all the time – and throw it on the ground and watch the puppies eat it when you’re all done. The way you tip your head back to drink from your sippy cup like a little gerbil. I love how you curl onto your side to fall asleep and how the first thing I hear every morning in your happy stream of babble through the baby monitor. I love how excited you get when I’m filling up the bath tub – you hold onto the edge and watch the water fill because you can’t wait to get in and splash around.
You’re so smart, little one. You’re so good at stacking blocks and rings and you love to read books together. You especially love the big book about babies and when we go through together and find all the different parts of the body (your favorite one is “mouth”). You know what “no” means (even though you don’t always listen). And it goes without saying that you’re the cutest baby I’ve ever seen! Even strangers at the store stop to tell me how cute you are. Everyone who knows you loves you. Everyone who doesn’t know you wishes that they did.
You’ve spent one year on this earth teaching us so much. I used to dream about what you would be like – but never in a million years could I have conjured you, and just how special and amazing you actually are.
I love you, peanut. I can’t wait for next year, and next year, and the year after that as I find out even more wonderful things about you. I’m so proud to be your mommy.