miscellany Archives - Page 4 of 11

Feb 20

Mom? Meet…Mom!

Feb 20

So I have this totally unoriginal problem that everyone basically probably has but I’m gonna blog about it anyway. I never claimed to be unique.

Now that I’m a mom, I find myself wanting to schedule play dates… not that Molly necessarily needs to be entertained, but more because I need to be entertained. I’ve fallen victim to that classic conundrum – many of my friends don’t have kids or do have kids and don’t have time, and I find myself yearning for a little adult friendship (yes, I’m aware that sounds creepy). I know there are other moms in my area who probably have the same issues, so I was thinking, wouldn’t it be FANTASTIC if there was a Match.com sort of situation, only 100% platonic, and used as a way for like-minded moms to meet other moms for potential wine and friendship?

Turns out, someone beat me to the punch.

I literally Googled “moms meet other moms” (because I’m cool like that) and found this website – Mom Meet Mom – which I think I read is just in beta phase right now. It’s exactly what I’m looking for (and was considering creating if it didn’t exist… but this way is a lot less work). I love it! The only problem is, it seems fairly new, so perhaps most people don’t know about it just yet. Hence, I doubt I’m really going to meet many other moms in my tiny little area of the country. So far I’ve only received one “friend request” from someone in Canada who appears to be selling something. There’s also a pretty cool-sounding mom who I friend requested who appears to be ignoring me? Like, wtf? But at least there’s hope.

How did you make new friends after becoming a mom? Or did your existing friendships magically stay the same despite the many demands of parenthood/exhaustion/going to bed at 9pm most nights?

I’m lucky enough to have the sort of friends who I can hang out with once every few months and feel like no time has passed. But in reality… time has passed. And sometimes I get bored on weekends. I used to be part of a book club, but it fell apart, which is very disappointing. I need something to keep my busy on the weekends. Some jogging buddies for warmer weather. A couple people to call when I’m sitting around being a lazy bum.

The site feels like online dating in a way – which is kind of funny because I created my profile while sitting right next to my husband! So illicit. I literally just signed up, so I’ll let y’all know how it goes, if it goes. I know. Please try to contain your excitement…

Jan 29

letting go (a little bit)

Jan 29

I’m gonna skip the part where I apologize for the lengthy absence. You know the drill – work, baby, vacuuming endless piles of dog hair, sleep, etc, etc. I thought keeping up with my blog would be easy but as it turns out…not so easy.

But with drama looming on the horizon, I’m back! Ok, drama might be too strong a word. Let’s call it “growing.” Let’s call it “progress.”

Here’s what happened: I started planning a weekend visit with two friends who I only get to see maybe once a year, if that. One of these friends lives in Boston, which is a pretty cool city, so we decided to go visit her there. She is a fitness instructor (I mean, part-time, in addition to her full-time job, because she’s an animal!) and my other friend is really into working out too, so we decided it would be fun to take her class as part of our weekend. As a gym newbie, I’m a little scared, but it’s better than planning to just sit around sipping cocktails and eating bagels, right? (I mean, we’ll probably do that too, but at least it will somewhat balance out if we burn a bajillion calories beforehand).

The more we started throwing around the phrase “girl’s weekend,” the more I started to realize that the trip wouldn’t necessarily be kid-friendly. My initial daydreams about our get-together included a smiling, bouncy baby playing on the floor as everyone oohed and aahed. I pictured myself dropping her off with a little wave at the gym’s daycare while I took the crazy intense workout class. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this scenario was probably not realistic. My friends are both young professionals, and I’m doubting they want to be in bed by 7 like Molly does. Going to dinner and drinks at 5pm to accomodate her schedule? Probably not their idea of a great time.

After a few planning emails back and forth we decided that it was probably best that I not bring the baby. The gym where my friend teaches doesn’t even have a daycare, so if I did bring her, I wouldn’t be able to take the class – ostensibly the whole point of the trip. I panicked for a moment and considered cancelling. I’ve never, in her entire short life, spent a night apart from my baby girl! But then I took a deep breath, put on my big girl panties, and asked Eric if he could handle a weekend alone with Miss Molly. He answered with a very serious, “Well I am the girl’s father, aren’t I?”

Truth be told, I think this could be a very good thing. Molly is very clingy to me…but only when she knows I’m in the vicinity. That’s why Eric hisses “Don’t you dare walk by that door!” when he’s in the nursery rocking her to sleep. The moment she sees me, she goes into full-on meltdown mode until I pick her up. So… I think a weekend of bonding with daddy could be great for both of them. And you know what else? I think it could be great for ME.

The closest thing I have to equate this to is our morning routine. Molly usually wakes up around 5/5:30 but my alarm doesn’t go off until 6. Eric gets up at 5:30 and lets the dogs out, then comes back inside and makes his coffee, and then heads back into the bedroom to rescue me. By 5:45, Molly is usually singing/babbling to herself, idly kicking my arm, and shoving her fingers up my nose while I pretend I’m still sleeping. Every morning he picks her up and brings her out to the living room and for 15 glorious minutes, I sleep. I sleep the sleep of a mom who isn’t listening for her baby to cry, who isn’t bunching her pillow up tightly so it doesn’t suffocate the sleeping child next to her, who isn’t tensed up and ready to keep her huband (or dog or self) from rolling onto the aforementioned child who has decided that after midnight, she absolutely must be transferred into mommy and daddy’s bed (Her crib is acceptable between 7 and midnight, but after that, not so much). It’s not real sleep, or REM sleep, but it’s something. It’s “I can let go now” sleep.

I’m picturing a whole weekend of sleep like this, and of just…existing like this. Sure, I go to work every day, and technically that’s a “break” from being a mom, but at work I have to… work. Since I’ve had her, I haven’t had any significant amount of leisure time that didn’t involve my daughter. That’s mostly by design, because if I’m not at work, she is hands down my favorite person to hang out with. BUT, at the same time, it could be interesting/invigorating to have a whole weekend of just being Amanda again. And surely a happier Amanda, because it’s not the doom-and-gloom Amanda terrified that she’ll never get to be a mom. I’ll rest easy knowing that I get to be a mom again in 48 hours. What could be better?

I’m sure I’ll be worried, but at the same time, I’ll know she’s in capable hands. I’m very lucky that Eric knows what to do (even if I’m the one who usually does it). He knows how to feed her, and entertain her, and get her to sleep. I may be the default parent, but he definitely knows what he’s doing. And if he does get overwhelmed, he has his parents, my parents, my sister, and his sisters all within a 5 mile radius. There’s just no reason for me to NOT go.

I plan on driving there, so if I freak out with separation anxiety and have to cancel at the last minute (or make a U-turn the minute I arrive), I can without any lost money due to cancelled airline tickets or whatever. But I don’t think that I will.

I’m part of a private mom’s group on Facebook and I got a lot of great feedback when I posted about this issue – it seemed like there were two sides: 1) OMG I COULD NEVER LEAVE MY BABY and 2) Ugh, I would kill for a girl’s weekend. Anyone wanna go to Vegas? Up until we started planning this trip I definitely considered myself part of group one. But now that I’m going, I’m excited to be going. Does that make sense? Has anyone else had a similar situation?

In other news… not much going on. Working, living, hanging out. Still working my butt off in the gym but getting impatient about not seeing results fast enough (especially in light of this trip, with two of the fittest people I know). I have two months to step up my game.

I’ll leave you with some pictures of the little princess. I told her she’s growing up too quickly and she better stop it or else, but she didn’t seem to listen…

she can stand now (but still won’t do it for mommy, only for Aunt Ashley)

what can I say? the kid loves grocery shopping

her cousin Addi is probably her second favorite person in the world

her favorite toy, and we don’t have the heart to tell her its for ages 2 and up

yes… 7 months old now….

future Disney star?

toys are so exciting!!

this mirror tells her she’s pretty…

…and she loves it.

Jan 15

wordless wednesday: sweet toast

Jan 15

Dec 17

why can’t we be friends?

Dec 17

Please, allow me to indulge my inner 13-year-old for a moment.

So far, everything has been going swimmingly with my new job. The organic cafe is amazing, the work is manageable, I’m just busy enough that the day flies by but I’m not overwhelmed, and I just signed up for personal training so I can begin to tackle the ginormous task of getting my pre-baby, pre-infertility body back… it’s good. All good. Except for this one thing.

I have no friends.

I know, I’m 30 years old, and this sounds ridiculous. This is ridiculous. But if you think about it, the people you work with are the people you spend the majority of the day with. It’s nice to get along with them. It’s nice to have people to joke with, to commiserate with, to eat lunch with.

This isn’t my first time having a hard go of it. Way back in the day, I switched to private school going into my freshmen year of high school – voluntarily – hoping that I could have a second chance at finding my place in the pecking order. (I’m not sure if my parents even knew what my motivation really was. I insisted on switching from public school to Catholic school, possibly claiming some sort of religious epiphany, when really all I wanted was to fit in.) I was looking for a fresh start, with no nerdy pre-teen, pimply-faced, awkward phase prejudices. Now, the fact that I strode in to that first day of freshmen orientation with dyed bright red hair and blonde bangs like Ginger Spice probably should have clued me in that I was never going to part of the in-crowd, but I digress…

who let me out of the house like this?

I expected everyone to be new like I was. I stupidly did not consider that only a handful of middle schools fed into that high school, and that everyone already knew everyone (even between the different schools, somehow), and that the cliques were already firmly established. To break in I would have needed to be really, really cool (and I really, really wasn’t). I wound up exactly where I was before transferring schools – somewhere on the fringes. Not a loser, per se, but not one of the cool kids, either. Simply there. Non-existent in the eyes of the socially accepted.

That was high school, and I’ve come a long way. (For example, I’ve finally figured out that blonde bangs and red hair are not an attractive combination). But I have another example of a time I expected an even playing field and was unpleasantly surprised. When I started working at Coach, they had literally just built the store. I was part of the opening crew of people. So imagine my shock and disdain when I walked into that first employee meeting, expecting a bunch of people who needed to get to know each other, and instead found that everyone had already been working together for years (at another store). I found out that day that the retail mall world is small, and generally mall employees migrate from store to store in groups. Annoying! Luckily, with a little wit and sarcasm, they welcomed me into the fold (eventually).

I have a hard time making friends, but once I do, I usually keep them around for life. I still talk with the girls who I worked with at my first “real” (full time, corporate, post-college) job in 2006. I’ve been to the weddings of most of those Coach friends, and we still keep in touch and half-heartedly try to plan a (probably-never-going-to-actually-happen) brunch. I married my boss from my first job ever! I love my work friends. Clearly.

So that’s my excessively long preamble to introduce the fact that so far, I have no friends at work (besides my former coworker and carpool buddy, who is in a different department and on a different floor in a different building, so I’m not counting him for the purposes of this rant). I know it’s only been a short time. But I think the frustrating thing is that I work with a team of women, and at my last job where I worked with all women (at the daily deals site) we ended up being really close friends. Again, they are people I keep in touch with to this day. Plus, it seems like the girls at work do have that… I’m just not a part of it.

I guess it just doesn’t feel promising. They all go to lunch and sit together, so I tried going at the same time. I’m not proud to admit this, but the one day I intentionally sat alone at a table in plain view of their table and broke out my Nook. I was testing the waters to see if they would invite me over to sit with them. Lo and behold, they did! But then things got awkward.

They waved me over, so that was cool, but I’m not really good at interjecting myself into conversations and no one really asked me any questions, so the whole experience wound up being me, at a table, listening to other people talk. Like a creepy lurker. And I wish I could say this has only happened the one time, but so far it’s happened several times, basically whenever I have occasion to sit near them. There’s lots of talking, but I’m never contributing, just listening. I try really, really hard to think of things to add, but when I do say something, the conversation sort of dies right there before moving on to other things.

I wish I was more like my husband, who is really outgoing and good at making friends everywhere he goes. He’s great at parties and in potentially uncomfortable social settings. Me? I’m just..not. I need to be prodded, and then maybe I’ll have a really funny comment or observation, but I’ll probably stutter or make a face or (unintentionally) roll my eyes or lisp or something, because I’m really only good with people I feel comfortable with, or when I’m writing instead of speaking. Basically, I need the other person to take the reins and do all the work in those initial stages, and then I’ll be like, the best friend ever. But The Cool Posse already has their members, and as far as I can tell, they don’t seem to be recruiting.

Yes, I’m sure this awkward loneliness is temporary, and I’ll probably find a friend (maybe?). But for now it’s very frustrating. My desk is a little bit separate from everyone else (across an aisle), but our cubes are all open, so often I feel like a voyeur just observing their jovial camaraderie. I wish life came with a sticker or a merit badge that could just prove that yes, I’m worth getting to know and should be included in the conversation. I’m not just some stage 5 creeper looking wistfully over from the far corner (which, I’m assuming, is part of my problem. I know the first rule of being cool is to act like you really don’t care at all).

I realize how ridiculous this post is. I also assume that if any of my new coworkers were to read this, they would really think I was nuts, and they would also probably say that no one wants to talk to someone who does nothing but obsess over people liking them.

In sort of related news, I started working out during lunch at the company gym! I’m baby stepping in with just 2 days a week and seeing how it goes. I really, really like the trainer (who made me a customized program), especially since she doesn’t seem to think I’m crazy. Not even when I started emailing her bikini pictures of my half-starved and basically emaciated body from 2008 and telling her that was my “goal weight.” Ha!

That mostly solves my lunchtime dilemma. Besides that, I guess I’ll just keep being creepy and watching everyone else have fun. There’s a Christmas party (for just my team, not the whole company) next Monday that I’m sort of dreading. It can either be my way in, or yet another awkward few hours (but this time with no shield of actual work to do). I’m not even sure if there will be alcohol and I don’t want to be “that girl” who asks. The alcohol could also go either way – very well (“Amanda is so fun and charming!”) or very badly (“Why is Amanda trying to breastfeed that lamp?”)

Stay tuned!

Dec 11

waiting for Molly (a TBT special)

Dec 11

I think I’ve mentioned before that I used to blog anonymously about infertility. Eventually I ended that blog and started BBT with intention of “keeping things light” and not talking about infertility at all.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Anywayyyyy…the other day I randomly got a new subscriber to my old blog (and person, if you’re reading this, prepare to be disappointed!). Totally weird, since I haven’t posted there since 2011. But it did prompt me to go back and re-read some of my old (fantastically heartbreaking) posts.

I was SO miserable. The sadness seeps out through every word. And while it’s fairly obvious (and probably fairly annoying) that I’m happy a lot of the time now, reading those old posts just reaffirmed how much everything has changed. I can’t believe how different I am these days.

And then I stumbled across this post, and it made me feel all the feels, so I thought I would share it with you here (on Throwback Thursday, of course).

If anyone out there is still waiting for their miracle…you never know. You just never know what’s 3.5 years down the road.

Waiting for Molly

(original post date: May 12th, 2011)

Back before we were married, before we were seriously dating, even before we were officially “a couple” – we named our daughter.

I remember thinking to myself it was strange at the time. Strange that a 20-something man would be so willing to discuss future baby names so soon. Strange that with our opposite taste, we could actually reach an agreement on a name. And eventually, strange that once she had a name, she became real.

I vaguely remember the conversation, and I also remember discussing a slew of names before excitedly discovering that one girls name, out of hundreds, seemed to fit us perfectly. This was not a name simply chosen at random, it was the product of an intensely serious conversation that bordered on argument. After that was settled, we started to offhandedly refer to her in conversation. “I really hope Molly has your hair, mine is too thin”… “I’m pretty sure Molly is going to have your dimples, too”… “If Molly has ADD as bad as you do, I’m going to need some Prozac” …and so on. Without meaning to, or trying to, Molly took on a life of her own before our eyes.

When we broke up, I thought about Molly, or rather, the lack of Molly. Because without the two of us, she could never be. If we had never reunited and I had married someone else, there is no possible way I would have used that name, regardless of how much I love it. Our little girl was just as much his as she was mine, and only the two of us could create her.

As you may imagine, this IF struggle has only added to the urgency of Molly. I cannot explain with words how much I know she is there. I can truly picture her little soul hovering above us, waiting patiently for us to get it right. It’s equally heartbreaking and uplifting to feel her presence every single day. And as impatient and frustrated as I get, I guess it does feel better to know she is there. Even if I never get to meet her in this lifetime (worst case scenario!) I have no doubt I will see her on the other side.

So anyway, the fact that this psychic got it right is eerie. Sure, she had a 50/50 chance, but I have no doubt that I would have discredited her immediately if she had said boy. When I told Hubs the story, he just smiled and said, “That’s our Molly.” Well, of course it is – who else could it be?

Now wouldn’t it be funny if we had a boy first.

Dec 03

bursting with gratitude

Dec 03

Tell me this happens to all of you, too: you’re in the shower, or preparing dinner, or busy at work, and in your head you compose a post. It’s a great post! Chock full of wit and intrigue! But then, when the time comes to sit down and write it out, the words are just…gone. This has been happening to me a lot lately.

I thought for sure I’d have time to do a Thanksgiving post, especially since this year I am the most thankful person that ever did thank. Also, I worked from home during the snowstorm on Wednesday, and had off Friday. And yet somehow the weekend slipped away from me. Ah, well.

I’ve been thinking a lot about being thankful. I’m still doing a lot of that. I don’t know if any of you follow Scary Mommy, but lately the majority of those posts have been sort of annoying me. It seems like every other post (with a few notable exceptions) is about a mom just counting down the minutes until bedtime, or hiding in the bathroom from her kids, or chugging wine and trying to get out of story time. And yes, I understand that parenting is hard…especially when you have multiple children…and complaining is natural, and normal. And maybe I don’t have the right to say this yet because I’ve only been a parent for a few short months and I only have one child. But where are all the posts filled with joy and gratitude? Where are all the moms rushing home without stopping to pick up creamer first, because one quick trip to the grocery store on a weeknight means 15 minutes fewer with her sweet baby? I know those moms are out there, too. I happen to be one of them.

Some things in life, even things that I really, really look forward to, are not as good as I imagined. Being a mom? Better. So, so much better. I am grateful in every waking moment. When it’s 5 am and I’m frickin’ exhausted and she won’t stop kicking my boob and babbling at me…when she cries and fusses for absolutely no reason at all…when she (willfully?) grabs my hair and yanks..I smile, and I’m thankful. I’m not doing it for show, or because I don’t feel like I have a right to complain. I am genuinely, truly filled to bursting with appreciation and awe every day of my life. It’s a very strange thing to try to explain. And for someone who has been spoiled and perhaps a bit overindulged (relatively speaking) for most of her life, it’s a wee bit of an adjustment.

Thanksgiving was awesome. Molly had her first taste of food (organic sweet potatoes), and she did very well with them. We’ve tried to give them to her a couple more times but she has a “take it or leave it” kind of attitude about the whole thing. When we’re eating, she looks fascinated, but once we give her a turn she doesn’t seem to care anymore. I’m curious to see what happens when we try something different.

We did Christmas photos on Sunday and I’m dyinnnnnnng to see the proofs (and order cards). I had a little bit of a “new mom fail” at the photo shoot because I only brought a formal outfit, whereas my mom and sister brought PJs for the other kids to change into and those pictures are going to be so adorable. I wish someone had communicated to me that kids require multiple costume changes. How was I supposed to know?!

The new job? Ahhhhh, heaven! I’m already busy with work and my days fly by. The benefits there are incredible – not just infertility coverage, but even their maternity leave is DAMN GOOD. (Unsure if I’m allowed to disclose specifics, so I won’t, but I will say I’m thrilled). They actually have dedicated lactation rooms. With leather couches and high-tech massage chairs. For realz.

I have a billion more things to say but clearly I can’t remember any of them AND I need to go do some more (online) Christmas shopping. I started out saying that I was only going to get Molly one or two things since she’s clueless this year anyway, but so far I’ve already blown that limit out of the water and Eric’s been shopping for her, too. We just can’t help it. We’re too damn excited. And grateful. Incredibly, ridiculously grateful.

Nov 18

#microblog monday

Nov 18

Lots of people ask me, “What’s the best thing about being a mommy?” (I’m not just saying that. I’ve been asked this multiple times). I never know how to answer, so I usually just smile and say, “Everything!” and we all have a laugh.

The truth is, it’s hard to put into words. There’s something that Erika said on her blog recently about motherhood that’s been stuck in my head ever since. She said that ever since becoming a mom, “Every day is the best day of my life.”

So simple. Yet, it fits perfectly. Ever since having Molly, no matter what’s going on, I just have to sit back and marvel. Because every day is just that – it’s the best day of my life.

Oct 21

pumpkin picking & very important questions

Oct 21

Despite the amount of anticipation leading up to the event, not much went down at the pumpkin patch. It wasn’t very cold (mid-50s) but it was windy. Very windy. And while normally Molly loves being outside, she is not a fan of wind.

“Not amused, mom.”

My sister and I both decided that pumpkin patches sound better in theory then they do in practice. Or maybe I’m just saying this because it was so dang windy. But all in all, it went ok. Obviously, she looked adorable. We picked out a little pumpkin for her. We took a bajillion photos. Eric and I also bought a gallon of homemade apple cider and have plans to make a warm bourbon/cinnamon/cider drink to enjoy while carving the pumpkins. It’s nice – usually I just buy a pumpkin, plop it on the front porch, and throw it away when it starts rotting in mid-November. But this year, we’re actually going to put in the effort to carve it. Apparently having Molly has inspired us to do cute and crafty family activities (not gonna lie – spiked apple cider is also part of the incentive).

Saturday we had a wedding to attend and left Molly with my parents for the evening. Apparently (and of course my mom only told me this later) she was inconsolable after figuring out that we had left her there. My mom didn’t want to bug us, so she called my sister to see how to calm Molly down. I have noticed that she’s been clingier than usual lately and doesn’t really like when people who she doesn’t know hold her (and she sees my mom once a week at least, so it’s not even like they’re strangers). She’ll tolerate it, but she keeps her eyes on me. It makes me feel special to be needed…but I’d also like to be able to leave her with babysitters when I need to. Everyone says it’s just a phase. Hopefully that’s true.

And thankfully she considers Ashley her second mommy, so dropping her off there every morning is no problem. I’m not even jealous of their bond anymore… I’m just relieved that she’s not crying and reaching for me when I leave. I couldn’t deal with that kind of heartbreak on a daily basis. I was a little worried this morning because she was watching me warily as I put on my coat (Yes, she was literally eyeing me up and definitely knew I was getting ready to leave…and she’s not even four months old. Child prodigy, ha). But Ash said she was fine. Apparently Aunt Ashley is an acceptable substitute for mommy.

Ok, now on to my crazy idea/question: have any of you ever considered a blog meet-up?

I don’t know…it’s just, I’ve been following along with your lives for several years now. I’ve laughed with you and cried with you. I’ve celebrated your joys and mourned your losses. I talk about each and every one of you as if we’re friends IRL (and still, my husband is always like, “Who?!!”).

So it just led me to the idea of doing a meet-up. Before I think about it too deeply, I guess I’m just wondering if there’s any interest. And I do realize it’s probably a lot to ask people, to use precious vacation time on relative strangers.

But then I think… couldn’t it just be awesome?

Obviously the big question is, WHERE? And for that, I turn to you. As much as I would love to have a big bloggy sleepover at my house, I simply don’t have the space for it. Plus Pennsylvania is a pretty lame state in general. I would be using this as an excuse for a little vacation, I’m assuming, so I’d like to pick somewhere cool. I mean, if one of you has a beach mansion off the Florida Keys, now is the time to say so!

Then I was thinking, do these already exist and maybe I just don’t know about them? I’m not really looking for networking or blog exposure or anything sales-y like that. More just fun times in a new place (maybe a festival? Wine festival?) and putting names to faces.

So I ask you – is this crazy? Or can we maybe, feasibly do this? I know many of you who live close to each other have already done something similar, so I’d love to hear your take on whether something like this is worth it or not.

So – worth it? No? Where? When? How? Or is it just too weird? Either way, it’s fun being friends online. I won’t be offended if you think it’s lame.

This is officially the most interrogative post I’ve ever written. Sorry?

Sep 23

maxiblog

Sep 23

I’m all over the place lately, which calls for a bullet point post. I know it’s supposed to me microblog Monday, but I just have way too much to cover. Soooo you get a maxiblog instead. Deal with it. :)

Molly is doing great.
This whole working mom thing is my first experience with “doing what’s best for your child” and sacrifice and all that. Every morning when I drop her off I know that she’ll receive great care, plenty of attention, tons of kisses, lots of love. The only person who’s really suffering is me – I can’t help but miss her all day. But I know it’s something I have to do, and I know it’s for her benefit. So I do it. For her. And yeah, it adds a little bit of meaning/purpose to the daily grind, knowing that I’m working to provide for her. (Well… her and the student loan lenders).

Tomorrow Miss Molly turns three months old. Ahhh! She wants to talk to us so badly… she’s always cooing and making faces to go along with what she’s saying. She can have a whole conversation without saying a word. It’s seriously the cutest thing ever. I always try to tell her I understand, and to respond as much as possible. I think she’ll definitely be an early talker.

She’s currently in size 0-3 months clothing and I just switched her to size 1 diapers after stubbornly clinging to the newborn sized versions for a little too long. When I started noticing red indentations on her legs and she had a few blowouts (which is not typical), it was time to admit that she’s growing up, and her diapers need to grow with her. Not my little newborn anymore. *Sniff, sniff*

Her eyes are still brilliantly blue. My doctor said that if they’re still blue at 6 months, they’ll be blue forever, and it’s looking like that may be the case…so far they show no signs of changing. I’m excited! Her hair is red(dish), and now blue eyes? Somebody get this kid a modeling contract!

My milk started drying up, but then I fixed it.

I’m a skeptic, especially when it comes to herbs/spices/oils/New Age remedies. I want things like that to work…truly, I do…but I never believe they’re really going to. So imagine my surprise with this whole breast milk thing. Basically, 3 weeks after returning to my full-time work schedule, my milk started decreasing dramatically day by day. Before long, even first thing in the morning (normally my most engorged time of day), my boobs were looking like two sad, flat little pancakes. I scheduled time with my lactation consultant, but then in an impatient fit of panic I ordered a bottle of Fenugreek capsules (the cheap kind) and six boxes of Mother’s Milk tea from Amazon. I figured I didn’t have much to lose, besides, like, $30.

Well. After just two days of use I noticed a difference. In four days I was getting more milk than ever. I just couldn’t believe it. Natural remedies for the win! Now it seems to have tapered off a little, but I’m back to where I was in terms of production, pumping anywhere from 11-12 ounces throughout the day and waking up good and engorged every morning. Leaking all over my pajamas used to irritate me to no end, but now that I’ve seen the other side, I’ll take it. Milk-soaked shirts? Yes, please!

I also started using essential oils because I know someone who sells them… a little dab of basil and a little dab of fennel on each side about 20 minutes before nursing. Somehow the combination ends up smelling like black licorice, which is funny, because that’s what the Mother’s Milk tea smells/tastes like…anyway, I literally just started this ritual, so we shall see if it helps at all. I do like how it smells at least.

It feels like winter and we’re going camping.
When Eric’s sisters planned a camping trip for the weekend of September 26th, it didn’t sound that late in the year. The day that we talked about it the temperature was like 90 degrees and it was just one of those days that made it hard to imagine the weather getting chilly, ever. Now the time is upon us and I’ll admit I’m a little nervous about camping with a baby.

We just signed up for an auto-delivery thing with a new oil company at home and it took them three whole days to deliver the oil for some reason. Even just those few cold nights without heat – I mean 45 degree nights, spent indoors and under covers – were a little nerve-wracking with Molly. Yeah, she was swaddled and snug in her footie pajamas, and we have a space heater in our room, so she definitely stayed warm, but still. I am going to have to pack her snowsuit for this trip. Lord only knows how cold it will be in the woods. Bring on the hot chocolate! (Before you worry too much, understand that we are camping in a camper, not a tent, and it does have a heater. I’m probably worrying over nothing as usual).

I’m getting sued.

Oh, you thought the dog bite saga was over? Think again, my friends! I kind of knew it was coming when I noticed the billboards going up all over town – this one law firm is aggressively advertising themselves as being THE dog bite lawyers in my area. Literally, they have billboard advertisements every couple of miles. Every time I passed one I thought, oh man, I hope the girl who got bit doesn’t see that. But apparently she did. And now I’m being sued.

I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to be talking about this on my blog, but whatever. No one has told me otherwise just yet. The thing that I don’t understand is how she maintains that she did nothing wrong, even though they have her on video doing it. I’m really thanking my lucky stars for the existence of that video. Here’s a bit of good news, though: if we win, we could potentially have Bird’s record expunged, so he wouldn’t have that black mark follow him around forever and he’d be welcome back at the kennel (not that we’d necessarily take him there again, but it would be nice to have that option). When we first found out he’d have a record, it never occurred to me that we could fight it. So not that it’s a good thing to be sued…far from it…but hey, that part is like the silver lining. Wish me luck winning this battle. I have a feeling I’ll need it.

I’m working hard on losing.
Losing weight, that is. My family does a Biggest Loser competition a few times a year, and this go-round I feel like I have a distinct advantage (which I kind of do). Usually the other participants lose about 5-7 pounds total, so I wasn’t really trying too hard at first, but then all of the sudden people started losing 10 pounds or more and so far I haven’t even been in the lead! It’s inexcusable.

The first 15 pounds melted right off not long after she was born, but then I got stuck. Lately I’ve been pretty strict, and in 3 weeks I’ve managed to shed 9 more pounds. Remember, I gained 60 pounds while pregnant, and prior to that I was already heavier than normal from meds/stress eating. In a perfect world I’d like to lose 50 more pounds from where I am today. (Eeek – scary just to write it. Scary that I have that much to lose). It won’t be easy, but I want to say it here so you can all hold me accountable, and knock brownies out of my hand if you ever see me eating them.

I think dieting has probably contributed to my dismal milk production. That’s why I’m so glad that the herbal remedies have helped. I am attempting to eat healthily – not starving myself by any means – but I’m just trying not to go overboard with portions. The My Fitness Pal app is like my best friend these days, and even when I eat something terrible, I always, always record it. It’s like punishment, seeing it in black and white like that. It does help me pause before indulging.

I took lots of really scary “before” pictures, and I’m really looking forward to posting some inspiring “afters” before the springtime. My ultimate goal is to get into a bikini next summer without frightening any of the other beachgoers. Yes!

I think that about covers it for my life these days. Oh, and apologies for my lazy commenting lately. I promise I’m still reading, and commenting mentally, usually while hooked up to my lovely pumping machine. But then I get home and the thought of logging onto my computer and going back through previously viewed blog posts to comment is just exhausting. I’m sorry… I suck. But I still love you.

Aug 26

it did get better

Aug 26

Well, everyone was right. I cried the first day back to work, but not the second. One week in and I’m already used to it. I guess you just do what ya gotta do.

But instead of writing a post, I decided to do a post in pictures to show you exactly why this situation is working out so well. And without further ado… here’s last week.

This was how Addison (Molly’s cousin) reacted to waking up and seeing her at my sister’s house:

Addi loves helping Aunt Ashley take care of the baby. She helps with the bottle…

She reads to her…

She even shares her dinosaur.

Sometimes naptime can get a little loud, but Molly knows just what to do.

Other times, naptime is quiet, especially when cousin Avery is sleeping, too.

Molly’s cousins like to get chocolate on her, and sometimes it gets on her pretty outfit. Then Aunt Ashley has to do some laundry.

Meanwhile, at work, Mommy does stuff like this:

It’s always a good day for tummy time!

Or for just hanging out and being adorable.

Did I mention how much Molly loves being outside? She especially loves to rock on the porch and wait for Daddy to pick her up. And sometimes this happens:

After Molly leaves, her cousins miss her. But that’s OK, because they found someone to keep her rocker warm while she’s not there.

Now… do you see why I’m not so sad anymore?