Thank you for your outpouring of love and support yesterday. I knew I could count on you to keep me excited and giddy. Truth is, doubt started creeping in moments after I published that post. Come on, you knew that kind of confidence wouldn’t last! It was just too much. My high from the ultrasound turned into nagging fears turned into an entire day spent talking myself into/out of calling my OB/GYN to see if she’d squeeze me in for an ultrasound this week.
No, I didn’t call her. But it’s only Tuesday.
Monday just seems sooo far away. I woke up at like 3 a.m. with some serious worry-induced insomnia. Here’s what I’ve been doing to keep myself calm in these past few days: I’ve been thinking about meat. I seriously do this every hour. I picture biting into a pork chop or a burger, and then gauge how I feel about it. As long as the mere thought makes me feel ill, I know I’m doing all right. So last night when I couldn’t sleep, I crept into the kitchen and stuck my face right up next to a leftover pork chop in the fridge. I didn’t gag. It freaked me out. I think I’m losing it.
Then as of this morning I was back to meat is yucky. Fish is just as bad. Actually, I’m simultaneously hungry and nauseated, which is a strange and frustrating phenomenon. I don’t just turn up my nose at meat (though that’s certainly the least appealing thing), but also at all foods. I just don’t want to eat, at all, ever. Where the heck was this diet when I was attempting to squeeze into my teeny tiny wedding gown?!
I’ve been trying to think of what I would want, diet aside, if I was free to choose anything in the whole world. I think that I want some bread. Thick, chewy bread. So maybe I’ll have to bump up the GF bread trial. I also bought a box of Rice Chex during my last supermarket run, and yes, that was my dinner this evening (with almond milk). So far, so good. They didn’t make me vom at all.
Ladies of nausea: any advice? Remember, no crackers, no toast, no normal nausea-calming things. I found some amazing GF rice crackers with only 3 ingredients that have been treating me well. In fact, that’s one of the few things that actually tastes good going down.
I’ve been working hard on visualization, picturing my uterus surrounded by an impenetrable steel wall that’s sealed up tight. Then I realize it’s a bit ridiculous since I’m essentially trying to protect a piece of me FROM me. But still, doing this helps me feel a little better.
One day down, 5 to go. Blah.