miscellany Archives - Page 3 of 11

Dec 11

don’t hate me for this post

Dec 11

Seriously, I’m going to sound like a complete asshole but I just have to be honest right now. One day shy of two weeks into parenting two children and I have the following to report: so far, it’s been… easy.

Ridiculously easy.

A friend recently sent me a link to a blog post that was all about adjusting to life with two kids. It was very well written and inspiring, and had gorgeous photos, but in regards to the adjustment… yeah, there really hasn’t been one for me. With the exception of that one overwhelming moment while we were still in the hospital, so far, nothing monumental has happened. In fact, things are better than they were before because, A) I have a sweet new little human to shower with love and kisses and, B) I get to spend a lot more time with my other small human and get to know her even more. Plus, I don’t have to work for 9 weeks and I’m still getting paid. It’s pretty awesome.

Basically, if you are trying to talk yourself or someone you know into a having a second child, give me a call. I’m also available for calming fears about getting your wisdom teeth out (I had a really painless, easy experience with that too).

I was a little nervous about Eric going back to work because that first week, we had naturally split up kid responsibilities – so if he was tending to Molly, I was tending to Liam, and vice versa. But then Monday morning he was gone and I was home alone with both of them and it was still fine.

For one thing, I am exceptionally blessed when it comes to Molly. She is so well-behaved, and so good at entertaining herself when needed. She loves playing with other kids and socializing, but when we are home alone she’s perfectly content to play in her room with her toys, or play with colanders in the kitchen while I’m cooking, or even just stand in the middle of the room and spin around in circles to entertain herself. When I say “no,” she (usually) stops what she’s doing. She’s still not jealous of the baby. She’s seriously the sweetest, most good-natured, mature, self-sufficient, and lovely 17 month old I’ve ever met.

That’s not to say she’s perfect all the time – she does overreact when she doesn’t get her way sometimes, or if something (a toy, her iPhone, etc) doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. But usually when that happens it’s just an indicator that it’s naptime or bedtime.

As for Liam, he’s your typical 2 week old. He sleeps, eats, poops, and sleeps some more. He’s starting to be awake for longer stretches but for the most part, it’s just a lot of sleeping. One thing that’s different between him and Molly at this age is that he eats more in one sitting and eats less frequently. It’s actually quite convenient because I don’t spend as much time nursing.

One reason I think it’s easier this time around despite the fact that it’s technically more work is that now I have confidence in how to be a mom (momfidence?). Right or not, I feel well-equipped to handle a newborn. I also know exactly what Molly wants and needs.

I’m hosting a holiday cookie exchange this Sunday and all week I’ve been busy preparing for it. More than one friend called me crazy when I scheduled the party, knowing that I’d have these two kids plus all the stress and time that goes into planning a party. I guess I was crazy since I didn’t know what to expect – things could be going the exact opposite of how they are going. But they’re not.

On Monday I completely cleaned out my dining room, which we had been using as a storage area for years but is the only logical place to set up 84 dozen cookies. I hauled crap to the attic and basement, vacuumed, dusted, and reorganized everything, and then followed up by cleaning out and reorganizing the front hall closet and doing the same for underneath the kitchen sink. And that was just by 2pm. I’ve been able to clean every day, and I’ll admit I was a little proud when Eric’s mom said, “I’ve never seen your house so clean” when she stopped by today. I’ve got shit UNDER CONTROL.

On Wednesday I met my sister-in-law and her friends for a coffee date at a cute little place in town I’ve never been to. After that I took Molly to story hour at the library, which I’ve also never been to (because it’s at 11:15 on a Wednesday probably). It was adorable. Life is adorable. I’m sorry. Don’t hate me.

As is probably evident from all the heavy lifting I’ve been doing (literally), my physical recovery has been great this time. I was taking Percocet the first couple days but have since stepped it down to just popping a few ibuprofen occasionally. The area around my incision sometimes hurts when I’m going to bed (which I assume is because I push it too hard during the day, running around like a moron hauling dining room chairs to the attic).

Even taking the kids out grocery shopping wasn’t as difficult as I anticipated it would be. It did take twice as long, mostly because getting into and out of the car was quite a production. I put Molly in the cart like usual and put Liam in the Moby wrap, which worked out really well. Actually, it was my first time using the wrap with him (which did make me feel that familiar second child guilt because he looooved sleeping in it). He is definitely a cuddly little boy and loves being held and kept warm and snuggly. Anyway, it made me feel bad that the kid is almost 2 weeks old and I’ve yet to start with babywearing. I think once this party is over and done I’ll be less obsessive about cleaning and can maybe just relax and snuggle like he wants to. It’s been very mild here in PA this past week, so being out and about has been quite pleasant, but if January is bitter cold I won’t be dragging the little ones out everywhere.

Also, Eric and I have been getting along really well – again, better than normal. The kids and I got home really late from the grocery store the other night because as I mentioned above, shopping definitely does take longer. I walked in the door and of course that was the exact moment Liam needed to eat and it was 6:00 and I hadn’t even started dinner – an elaborate Pinterest meal that had sounded brilliant in the early afternoon but not so much when everyone was hungry and cranky. Without complaint he took up the spatula and cooked the whole meal, which may not sound like a big deal, but he is not normally one for cooking and especially not after working all day. So yeah, marriage is good, kids are good, all is good. I really do feel like something bad is destined to happen because everything is going way too well.

You want to know the most stressful thing in my life right now? Well, two things. And not the two kids.

First – these dogs. These damn dogs. I used to be all judgy towards people who got rid of their dogs after having kids but now I’m starting to get it, especially since I have the neediest dog known to man (that’s Ryder). He has some sort of skin issue that’s been going on for months now and I’m at my wits end. He gets very itchy, sensitive skin whenever the seasons change and this year it’s worse than ever. The itchiness causes him to bite at himself, which leaves his skin raw, bloody, and disgusting. We put a cone on him and he’s literally been wearing it for a month now because he won’t. stop. biting. himself. Every time we think maybe he’s better, we’ll leave the cone off for a few minutes and he’ll rip open all his scabs and do it all over again. Couple that with a few nasty bouts of diarrhea all over the place and some peeing in the kitchen just because he didn’t feel like waiting, and you have one hell of a fun time! (I’ve tried everything for the skin issues – Benadryl, sprays, creams, coconut oil, everything. We haven’t changed his food in years and we don’t allow him to eat human food. So I’m at a total loss for what to do.)

Bird doesn’t have nearly so many issues but he has started peeing on the living room rug daily for no particular reason. Except to ruin my perfect reverie of existence, obviously. We aren’t going to get rid of them because they are part of the family, but they are seriously driving me nuts.

The second point of stress has nothing to do with being unhappy and everything to do with being happy.

I keep reading all these posts urging mothers of young children to cherish every moment, because we will miss them once the kids are grown. Well, I already know that, and my time spent with these kids is so brief that I find myself stressing out over being too happy. For every cute thing Molly does or says, for every moment I catch myself feeling totally content and blissful, I also feel wistful knowing that the moment is fleeting and that they’ll be grown in no time. It’s like I know these are the best days of my life, and I want to hold onto them for as long as I can. I have something known as “nostalgia for the present.” I can’t even enjoy myself half the time because I’m so happy that it makes me sad. Is that totally insane? I already feel crazy enough that I think going from one kid to two is easy because I’ve never come across that reaction before. Sleep deprived, yes. Overwhelmed, yes. But I’ve yet to hear from anyone else having a strangely effortless experience like mine. I can’t be the only one…

I also realize that this two kids thing is bound to get harder. Once they grow up and start bickering, once we throw a third kid into the mix and are outnumbered… it’s not like I think this dreamy happy world can last forever. I mean, it’s going to change a whole lot when I have to go back to work in February. But for now, I’m completely joyful.

It’s pretty great. And I’m 100% grateful.

Nov 20

40 weeks today, and now we have a plan

Nov 20

I made it to 40 weeks, woo hoo! Baby boy just has to stay in there 4 more days for me to get the good maternity leave. The closer we get to the 24th, the more I believe it’s actually possible.

I had my last OB appointment this morning and I’m still 1cm dilated, now 70% effaced. At my appointment we discussed all my options. Over the past few days I’ve spent a good amount of time on Google (bad idea) and read horror stories about being induced along with horror stories about waiting. All of it is very confusing and stressful and really the only consensus seems to be that going into labor naturally is best for mother and baby, which I do believe, but also cannot control.

Here’s my catch-22:

1) Being induced decreases chances of a successful VBAC
2) Going past 40 weeks decreases chances of a successful VBAC

Basically I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. A few reasons I was leaning towards induction at 41 weeks:

1) My preferred doctor will be in the hospital all day Friday and will be able to keep a close eye on me
2) I had a few placental issues last time – the abruption and possibly IUGR (which would explain her low birth weight). If he stays in, could these things happen again?
3) I’d like to meet him
4) I made plans for 12/6 that can’t be changed. I know that’s insane/probably selfish but it didn’t even occur to me I’d still be pregnant!

Yeah so for these reasons I did go ahead and schedule the induction for next Friday, 11/27. Of course my sincere hope is that I go into labor naturally before then, but if I don’t, that will be the day. Part of me feels very guilty for not going crunchy/natural and waiting until the absolute end of the end week 42, but another part of me is relieved to have an end date.

By this day next week, I’ll be holding my son in my arms.

Incredible.

Nov 14

fat, broke, and toothless… but the curtains are fabulous

Nov 14

Nesting… it’s no joke.

As of today I am 39 weeks pregnant. Seven days until baby boy is due to make his grand appearance. It goes without saying that I’ve been vacuuming daily, keeping the sink empty at all times, and wandering around the house aimlessly, Swiffer duster in hand, ready to attack any and all dust particles that dare to cross my path. Yesterday, however, I took it one step further.

I’ve had major beef with the curtain industry for years. I think curtains are a huge racket and have been Pinterest-ing my little butt off, trying to come up with cost-effective curtain hacks whenever I can.

When it comes down to it, curtains are simply rectangles of fabric – nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes they have fancy details like grommets but most of the time they don’t. So why do curtain panels cost so damn much?

Venture into your average Bed, Bath, & Beyond and you’re likely to find a wealth of options when it comes to curtains. But if you’re looking for floor to ceiling panels, you can expect to pay around $40 – per panel! And that’s an average. I’ve seen panels for upwards of $80 each. And no, they’re not woven with gold thread and mermaid hair. I just don’t get it.

Even Target – dear, beloved Target – has very few options under $20/panel. The $14.99 options are really chintzy and ugly. So yeah. I’ve been on this curtain mission, because unfortunately, in my absolutely-illogical-39 weeks pregnant-and-nesting-frenzy, I decided I needed to replace all the curtains in my home. Immediately.

Since Molly and baby boy are sharing a room, I already knew I’d need to replace those curtains since they are pink and lacy. But back when I was slightly more sane a few weeks ago, I figured I had some time, because it’s not like he’s going to get home from the hospital and turn up his little newborn nose at pink lace. We still haven’t even set up the crib, for heaven’s sake. The actual room share is still months away. Still, I had been halfheartedly looking for new curtain options because like I said, I refuse to be made a fool of by the big, bad, curtain industry. So every time I shopped I checked clearance racks and my personal favorite curtain hack treasure trove – shower curtains.

Molly’s frilly pink curtains

Yes, seriously, shower curtains! Those pink lace curtains I hung up for Molly weren’t actually curtains… they were shower curtains purchased from BBB after an exhaustive search. At $30/each they were still more than I wanted to spend, but yes I did justify splurging just a little at the time. And since they are so wide, I only needed two rather than four.

To hang shower curtains as window curtains, you’ll just need a few packs of cafe clips (found anywhere they sell curtains). They come in packs of 7, which is slightly annoying because I feel like four on each side could work well but three on one side and four on the other just doesn’t cut it. For two windows, I ended up using 3 packs (21 total clips, five per window with one extra), and it turned out just how I wanted.

Hunting the aisles of Target on Thursday afternoon I found them – two green shower curtains, on clearance for $7.48 each. All I did was cut them in half and voila – four curtain panels for $3.74 each. You just can’t beat that! I actually spent more on the cafe clips to hang them than I did on the curtains themselves.

I love the shower curtain trick because they usually have awesome patterns, and like I said, they are very wide and one curtain will easily transform into two panels. If you want to get fancy, you can go to a craft store and purchase iron-on hem tape to hide the cut edge, OR, if you’re in a rush like I was, you can just tuck the cut edge behind and vow to do a proper hemming later. Whatevs.

Here’s how they turned out:

Next up… master bedroom. We had green curtains which I decided just didn’t match the gray walls. I actually found *real* and affordable curtains at Christmas Tree Shops months ago and just hadn’t gotten around to hanging them yet. So these curtains were essentially “free” (the same way anything you buy and put away and find again later is free). Christmas Tree Shops is hit or miss… they always have good prices, but the quality is not always great. All of the sheers you see in the photos are from there – $6.99 each. Yes, great. The gray panels I used in the bedroom were $7.99 each and very nice and heavy, light blocking even. Upon closer inspection of the packaging I realized why… they were originally $40/panel at Kohls, so apparently CTS must have bought them to resell. Score!

I will admit that these were the easiest to hang and the ones that look the best because they didn’t need to be altered or anything. But finding deals is basically a full-time job, and I just ain’t got time for that.

Bedroom:

One more room to reinvent… the living room. The curtains I had hanging there were raw silk Pottery Barn panels that I’m sure cost someone, somewhere a fortune and that I found at a gigantic flea market a few years ago. When I bought them, we had a tan couch. Now our couches are green and our curtains are a slightly different shade of green and HOW CAN I BE EXPECTED TO LIVE IN THAT KIND OF WORLD WITH A BABY COMING?! (Nesting. Nesting is a real, bizarre thing).

Ok, so here I improvised and I’m not sure I’m in love with the results, but it is better than the green clashing situation I had going prior. I bought a tablecloth from Target over the summer and absolutely love the pattern, but it was way too big for our table and it was annoying that the sides basically dragged on the floor. I put it away with the intention of one day maybe turning it into curtains because, as I said, anytime I have large yardage of any kind of fabric that’s where my mind goes. I pulled my little trick of cutting it in half and hanging the two panels with cafe hooks, but the problem with the tablecloth is that it’s not as wide as the shower curtains, so the panels are a little flimsy (especially for such a large window). Oh, well. Again, I only spent $14.99 on one tablecloth, and since I bought it over the summer, this living room curtain makeover was “free.” (minus the growing cost of cafe clips).

Here it is:

The kitchen curtains got to stay. The dining room curtains also got to stay simply because the dining room is impassable these days and is basically being used as a storage area (unassembled crib included). The bathroom has NO CURTAINS, which yes, causes me daily grief. But you’d be surprised how much energy it took to change just the three rooms I’ve mentioned. I had PTO to use, which is why I had off yesterday, and of course made a giant list of things to do and accomplished fewer than half of them. “Get down on hands and knees and scrub kitchen floor” along with “repaint all the trim” got bumped. Possibly to January.

What else? This is super gross/embarrassing, but hey, I’ll share anyway. Wednesday afternoon I was sitting there at work, minding my own business and snacking on a Starburst (as one does) when all of the sudden I heard a CRACK! and out popped my tooth. My tooth!

Ok, so it was a crown but still… EW! I genuinely had no idea what to do in that moment. I quickly went outside and called my dentist who agreed to take a look that afternoon to see if he could save it. But here’s the messed up part – I went there, broken crown cradled in a napkin, and he strode into the room and declared it couldn’t be fixed even before looking in my mouth or taking an x-ray. It’s like, wtf buddy, why did you get my hopes up and make me rush over if you knew it couldn’t be repaired from the get-go?

He recommended me to an oral surgeon who was kind enough to see me the next day (Thursday). I had already planned on embarking on ‘mission: new curtains’ since I had scheduled a half day at work, but instead chose to go for the consult to see if Mr. Oral Surgeon could do the extraction/repair/new implant before baby boy made his debut. Coordinating that kind of thing with a newborn and a toddler just sounded less than appealing, you know? So instead of going shopping after work like I wanted, I hightailed it over to the surgeon and was once again disappointed. All I did was sit my ass in the chair and he came in all, “Well, we would like to wait to do the extraction until after you give birth because then we can use stronger drugs.” Ok, so… what the hell?? Again, he knew I was 9 months pregnant when I scheduled the consult, so if he was just going to tell me I had to wait, why make me come in for the appointment? I mean, obviously the answer is $$$$. Clearly he doesn’t realize/care that I’d rather be spending my hard-earned cash on new curtains than on pointless dentist visits.

So here I sit… fat, broke, and toothless. I mean, basically. It’s the molar all the way in the back, so it’s not like anyone can see it. I was also informed that implants are upwards of $5,000, so I’ll have to figure out if that’s worth it after all. Probably not.

Adult problems are fun, aren’t they?

Now it’s Saturday and I don’t have much on the agenda besides cleaning (more) and awaiting the arrival of this child. I got checked on Friday and I’m still 1cm dilated, 50% effaced. Thursday night I was having horrific contractions that I was convinced were the real deal, but then of course they weren’t.

Maybe I’ll make it to the 24th? One can only hope… I do need that money. I have new curtains and new teeth to buy.

Here’s Molly, getting in some practice:

the best big sister EVER

Oct 12

all about Molly (so what else is new?)

Oct 12

My sister told me not to tell my husband that when her husband came home from work the other day, Molly ran up to him yelling, “Daddy’s home!” It is kind of sad, but I know she was just mimicking her cousins, and when I did tell Eric (have I mentioned I’m a terrible secret keeper?) he was unfazed, and just said, “Yeah, James and I look alike, so what?”

He wasn’t upset because Molly’s love for her daddy is beyond obvious. One recent night the two of them spent a good 20 minutes standing in the hallway flipping the light switches on and off. Shortly prior, she amused herself by screaming in my face and laughing hysterically when I screamed back (which is something that I’m sure came from his influence). Frankly, I was surprised she had a voice the next morning.

I’ve decided I need to do this more (so hopefully it doesn’t bore you all) – just talk about her in general, and take random videos, because her personality and habits change so frequently and I know I’ll want to remember these small details one day. As it is, one of our favorite activities is to sit on the couch and watch old videos of her on my phone. The difference between a few months ago and now is extraordinary.

So here they are for right this moment, a few Molly-isms that I adore:

-She’s obsessed with apples. I think on one hand she’s excited about being able to say the word apple, but also she does insist on having an apres-dinner apple nightly, in addition to the apples I know she eats at my sister’s house during the day. I guess as far as vices go, that one isn’t so bad.
-Elmo is her homeboy. This is another word she can say, so that helps, but she also has a serious Sesame Street addiction and loves Elmo best of all. I know this is very common in toddlers but I can’t for the life of me figure out why.
-She is a big fan of going night-night (and yes, says night-night! Notice a theme here?). If she’s tired and I’m not getting the night-night process started in a timely fashion, she’ll lay down on the floor wherever she’s playing, or will toddle up to her crib, grab onto the bars, throw her head back dramatically and start yelling, “Nigh nigh! Nigh nigh!” So she has apparently inherited her father’s looks but her mother’s flair for the dramatic.
-I know kids like to say no, but Molly is just as content to say “Yeah.” Except she doesn’t just say “Yeah” when answering in the affirmative (You know, when you ask her if she wants an apple). She chants, “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” complete with a little dance. Again… nothing halfway for her.
-She never stops talking, but other than the above few words I’ve mentioned, along with, “What are you doing?,” her endless stream of chatter is almost identical to what you’d hear in a Korean nail salon. Same inflections and everything. I’m half tempted to take her into one and see if someone will translate.
-She is obsessed with – and frighteningly adept with – her iPhone. Yes, my 1-year-old has her own iPhone… welcome to 2015, folks. It’s an old phone of Eric’s that we loaded up with kid apps and which I promised myself I would not use as a surrogate parent. But it’s amazing how quickly she figured the thing out. She can unlock it, go into her favorite app, choose and play different videos in the app, etc. And if she accidentally goes into the wrong apps (always likes to check the stock market for some reason) and can’t get back out, she’s smart enough to come find me and offer her Korean explanation of what happened, while also making gestures to indicate that I need to fix it. It’s amazing.

I’m sorry if this is all mundane. The truth is I’m just… happy. Happy, content, satisfied. Slightly stressed out about baby boy’s arrival, but really not even a lot. Eric cleaned his office so that made my OCD calm down a little. We still didn’t set up the nursery stuff yet but I mean seriously, that won’t take more than a couple of hours. I washed and folded a bunch of itty bitty blue onesies and stuff and it’s all sorted and ready to be put into drawers when we get them.

I had off for Columbus Day and spent all day today doing nothing. I had planned to run errands, etc, which is how I spend my weekends usually, but then I woke up this morning and was like, “Screw it, we’re staying in PJ’s and vegging out,” and that’s just what we did. Normally I like getting out, but today… I dunno. It felt good to just relax and do nothing. We baked, we napped, we watched Sesame Street. I definitely couldn’t do it every day but for today it was just right.

Over the weekend we went to a corn maze and visited a few farms in the area. The weather was absolutely perfect – not too hot but not too cold, sunny, fall-y. I’m sort of regretting not doing the pumpkin patch but we already had it planned for the 18th, so hopefully it’s not 50 degrees this weekend like they claim it will be. But even if it is… whatever.

Life is good.

perfect fall weather

first time rockin’ pigtails

lazy Columbus day

Sep 28

knives are sharp, and other revelations

Sep 28

First, I want to collectively thank everyone who commented on my last post. I know I should take the time to compose individual responses, but I don’t know if there’s anything left to say that hasn’t been said. I feel for each and every one of you who shared your stories, publicly and privately. I pray that we all receive the strength we need to take it one day at a time and to realize that other people’s actions are beyond our control. The optimist in me was horrified but the cynic in me was not at all surprised by just how many people have been affected by addiction. At least we can find comfort in the fact that we aren’t alone.

On to other things, though. I’m pretty excited it’s almost October because I’m so basic white girl when it comes to pumpkin everything, sweater/boot combos, and Halloween activities. Last year we got to take Molly to the pumpkin patch but it was windy and cold and she had no clue what was going on – I’m even more excited this year that she can toddle around and maybe even pick out a pumpkin of her own.

Today at work we had a pumpkin carving photo shoot for our blog and to use as creative for upcoming fall emails and social media posts. One of the big perks was that everyone who participated got a carving knife to keep. I joined in because – YAY, FALL, PUMPKINS! – and also – FREE STUFF! Things were going great until the very end when someone slipped and cut their finger with the very sharp knife. Literally 5 minutes later, it happened again to another person. I was mostly done with my design, internally wondering why people were having such a hard time keeping hold of the very efficient, very handy knives, when… you guessed it… my hand slipped and I cut open my thumb. Cut open my thumb as in, I saw the inside of my thumb. And had to go to the ER.

It’s so funny how I used to be freaked out by the sight of blood and this little episode barely phased me. I think motherhood has made me much less squeamish. And that’s good, because now I’m thinking I could handle it if Molly got hurt – something I was afraid of before. (I mean, I’m still afraid of her getting hurt, but now I know I won’t like pass out if she’s bleeding or something).

It hurt but I’ll survive. I ended up needing 4 stitches – and not counting my c-section (if that counts?), I’ve never had stitches before! That’s a first. The only thing that sucks is that I can’t take any good painkillers. And we all known Tylenol does n-o-t-h-i-n-g.

Oh and thanks to me (and the others too, I suppose), pumpkin carving is now officially banned as a work activity.

Happy almost-October, y’all! Watch out for those carving knives.

Sep 18

in defense of making it up as you go along

Sep 18

Yesterday at lunch a friend asked about Molly’s sleep habits.

She has been a really good sleeper for most of her life, sleeping through the night early on and after a mild bout of 4 month sleep regression and some hiccups while teething, back on track and going to bed between 7 and 8 most nights and waking up around 6:30. The friend in this scenario has a 4-year-old who has never been a great sleeper and who still isn’t. But I can guarantee that has nothing to do with parenting skills and everything to do with luck.

My experience with parenting has been short, but I also think I’ve learned a lot, and here I can sum up everything I know in just a short phrase: There is no right or wrong. All you need to do is love your children.

Molly is a good sleeper because she is a good sleeper. I’ve read nothing on sleep training, I never hired a night nurse to help out, and I don’t think I’ve even Googled tips and tricks that much (because I never really had to). Music actually turned out to be the thing that helped most with signaling bedtime for her, which isn’t even something I found out on my own (my MIL discovered that trick while babysitting her once). But all this talk of sleeping/not sleeping got me thinking.

Every time I go to a baby shower and am solicited for parenting advice for the new mom, I write a variation of the same thing:

“All I can really tell you is that you need to love that baby with your whole heart, and trust your instincts, and everything else will fall into place.”

It’s so true, isn’t it? And none of us really know what the hell we’re doing, especially not the first time around.

I will never forget when Molly was just under a week old and we brought her to church. This was a huge deal because I very rarely convince Eric to attend church with me, but since I had a c-section and couldn’t drive, and wanted to show off the baby, to church we went as a family of three.

Everything went fine but then afterwards at breakfast, we realized that we forgot the nursing cover (and this was well before I felt comfortable whipping my boobs out for all to see), and the nipple shield, and I think also diapers. So we rushed out of the restaurant, bellies empty, with a red-faced, screaming newborn, and put the pedal to the metal (while still trying to drive safely) to make it home as quickly as possible to take care of our new daughter’s urgent need to eat. We laughed together about how green we were with the whole parenting thing.

Despite the fact that going out to breakfast that day was an epic fail, I remember feeling very close to my husband in that moment, very much like, “Well, we may suck at it sometimes, but at least we’re in this together.”

This is probably the pregnancy hormones making me sappy, but lately I’ve been noticing Eric a lot more, and feeling grateful for how involved he is. I was going to write this whole long post about it the other night on Facebook but 1) I know those posts are annoying, it’s totally humble-bragging and 2) he actually ended up needing to go to his mom’s house, leaving me alone to deal with dinner and bedtime, which made the immediate feeling to get all lovey-dovey pass.

Overall though, he is such a great dad, and I feel like I want to let him know that more often than just in mid-June when I’m supposed to tell him. Example – when we got Molly’s 1 year photos done, he was constantly just behind the camera, doing all these silly antics to make her laugh and smile. The photographer was the one who pointed out that seeing a dad that involved and that good at making the baby happy just wasn’t too common. Maybe I’m so used to it, I didn’t even notice. That’s just how he is with her.

I’m definitely the default parent, but still, he 100% knows her routines and moods and likes and dislikes. If there’s ever a night I’m not going to be home, I don’t need to worry about leaving a long list of instructions (sometimes I do leave one, because I’m a control freak, but the point is that I don’t NEED to). He knows that first thing every morning she wants a cup of water and some strawberries and then probably scrambled eggs if it’s the weekend. The other day I overheard him saying, “Oh Molly, you give the best hugs in the world,” as she clung on to him. And yeah, my eyes may have gotten a little misty. He loves her so much, and he makes such a great dad.

Ok so somehow I ended up on this mushy-gushy tangent when really I was talking about parenting. Anyway. So we had the whole sleep discussion and I felt a sense of relief that Molly is such a great sleeper and always has been. But of course the universe was listening and was like, “Ha, ha, not so fast!” Last night Molly woke up crying around 11pm (rare) and multiple attempts to get her back to sleep by both myself and Eric were unsuccessful (even more rare). After the third or fourth time of replacing her binky, rubbing her back, and making sure her lullabies were playing, Eric turned to me and said, “So what should we do?”

Once again, it brought me back to that day over a year ago, when we were driving home from church with the screaming baby, laughing at all the things we didn’t know. Of course I didn’t have the answer, and he didn’t have the answer, and we still don’t have it all figured out, but one thing we do have is this gigantically huge amount of love for our daughter.

I knew no matter what we chose to do last night, it would be the right answer… for right then. So he got up and got her and brought her into our bed. We spent the next couple of hours not sleeping as she tossed and turned and head-butted and generally took up way more space than any small person should take up in a queen sized bed.

We don’t have the answers. We’ll probably never get it absolutely right. But we love that little girl (and also this little boy!) so damn much that it’s ok – we’re all going to survive this.

Now please enjoy the fact that I’m a creeper who takes photos of my sleeping family:

Not sure how I could love anything more

Aug 05

ten whole days

Aug 05

Hey friends, we’re back!

I’ll keep the actual beach recap short by saying this: it was fun. Molly loved the sand and the water and all of it. I loved spending 24 hours/day with my daughter and bonding with her in a deeper way than I can during my too-short weekends. I loved how we fell into a routine, and how Eric was more helpful than ever because he wasn’t tired and burnt out from a stressful workday. We both decided that the only logical solution for us would be to win the lottery. Now we just have to play.

Just a hair over 13 months old and Molly started experimenting with a slight side step before plopping back down and scooting. She is still incredibly sturdy on her feet when standing and zooms all over the place when we help her walk, but as far as walking alone… nope, wasn’t having it. We got back from the beach on Friday, unpacked and did all the laundry, and then spent a leisurely Saturday/Sunday hanging out at Eric’s parent’s pool. I could tell that the walking was going to happen any day but as of Sunday night, no dice. Monday morning I dropped her off at my sister’s house, and a couple of hours later I got the text – she took three steps! By that afternoon we had a video to prove it and my heart simultaneously broke and exploded with pride. She was walking… but I missed it. By like 12 hours.

Besides her momentous day of milestones, my sister said yesterday was pretty regular – she went down for her nap, played, had a good time, etc. So that doesn’t really explain what happened later that night. Now, normally putting Molly to bed is a breeze. She starts rubbing her eyes anywhere between 7 and 8, I rock her and give her a bottle, and then lay her in her crib and turn on her Pandora lullabies. It can be light out, the neighbors can be mowing the lawn, or whatever, and she usually just tosses and turns for a while and falls asleep about 10 minutes after I leave the room.

Well, not last night. Every time I put her down in her crib she screamed bloody murder. Not cried like, wahhh, I’m grumpy and not ready for bed yet. More like screamed as though she were being kidnapped and would never see her family again. I kept coming back in to rock her and she would grip onto me so tightly it made me feel terrible. I tried laying with her in my bed… sitting by her bed and singing… stroking her cheek… no matter what, no matter how relaxed she was in my presence, the second I left the room she would start screaming again. This went on for three. solid. hours. Now, I realize I could have it so much worse. I know some kids are like this every night. But I’m used to the easy-peasy baby who basically puts herself to bed. I wonder if she had separation anxiety after our ten days straight of being together… which makes me feel both good and bad. At least she really does miss me (because considering how happy she is with Ashley, sometimes I wonder).

Nothing else too exciting going on. We are going camping in two weeks – probably our only trip of the year, which is kind of sad. How did the summer slip by so quickly? In no time it’ll be fall and then I’ll be having a baby! Like… what?!! I am soooo not prepared for that. We still haven’t figured out the room situation. We are pretty set on the name but I’m hesitant to share it in case it changes again. I still need to get all the hand-me-down clothes from multiple sources… and sort them… and put them away in the non-existent dresser drawers. It’s such a daunting task that I’d rather just keep putting it off.

Hope everyone is having a great August so far! I took like 160 photos at the beach, and I won’t make you suffer through all of them.

Here are the highlights:

beach babe

you can’t ride in my little red wagon…

family photo op

it’s absurd how many selfies we took

such a beauty

talking into random objects is a favorite pastime

Baby boy

playground fun

she looks so big in this pic

yes, the belly doubles as a table

every day on the walk back from the beach, this happened

see you next year, OCMD!

Jun 16

one week to one

Jun 16

My aunt yelled at me because I didn’t mention my five year anniversary in my last post. Oops! All in all it was a good day – we both stayed home from work and hosted a yard sale at our house, and actually sold a whole bunch of crap. It was so successful that we plan on having another in July (another yard sale – not another anniversary). Then that night we went to Wendy’s for dinner – not just the drive-thru, mind you, but dined in the restaurant as a family. Yes, so romantic. I don’t ever let Molly (or myself, for that matter) have fast food, so as you can imagine she was in chicken nugget heaven on this rare occasion. We only went because we were on our way to an indoor football game, which is how we closed out the evening. I was really expecting a lavish vacation or a romantic stay at a B&B for 5 years – but hey, a yard sale, Wendy’s dinner date, and football game turned out to be not bad at all.

Other than that, things are just kind of chugging along. I’m still pregnant. Still feeling little flickers of movement and still getting a little rounder each day. A friend of mine posted that her timeshare was available in October and asked if anyone was interested. As I’m sitting there googling flight prices and trying to think how I’m going to convince Eric to go, I had a sudden realization – October. Third trimester. Hello, I’m not going to be allowed on a plane! I literally forgot I was pregnant for a second. That’s something that never, ever happened with Molly.

In one week, my baby girl turns one! Ahhhh!!! One year ago today – 2 days shy of my due date – I was enormously fat and pregnant and hot and miserable. Today I am still kind of fat and definitely pregnant but not miserable. And sometimes I don’t even know I’m pregnant. It’s amazing the difference a year can make.

I just submitted a post to Scary Mommy (even though I have a love/hate relationship with the site in general, I figured it would be fun to be published there. They have over a million readers…and they pay $100 per post). I really hope it’s accepted. It’s all about my guilt over not finishing Molly’s baby book. I know, so ridiculous, right? I’m a writer and I can’t even do it. And she’s my first child! What the heck is wrong with me?

oh, hang on, I know I have a heart-shaped photo around here somewhere…

I am really going to try to work on it this weekend because my plan was to have it displayed at her birthday party. The most annoying thing – besides finding photos to fit in the weirdly shaped spaces allotted – is trying to remember when things started happening. Molly says Mama/Mommy and Dada/Daddy, but most of all she says, “I DID IT!” She says that all the time. And that’s why baby books exist, right? Because as much as this is part of her identity now, in 5 years I probably won’t remember that every other second she was exclaiming “I DID IT!” and “I DID THAT!” or intentionally dropping toys and saying, “UT!” (no uh-oh. Just ut!).

But when I go back and read old posts, it’s clear how much she has changed already. Like how there was once a time where I fretted over self-feeding and how she didn’t really have the hang of it. HA!! Now the girl could demolish a Porterhouse steak, and I probably wouldn’t even need to cut it. No teeth and all. She is the queen of self-feeding.

So yeah, baby book. I think I’m going to go through all my old photos/videos on my phone to determine when things took place since they are conveniently sorted by date (thanks, iPhone). I do have months 1-5 filled in at least. The photos are going to be the real challenge since the spaces provided are so specific and strange. I want to order a whole bunch to display at her party but I’m waiting to see if the photographer gets her one year photo session proofs done before I do that.

And for this next kid I’m not even attempting the guilt-inducing baby book. I recently discovered (too late for Molly but not too late for lil’ crouton) that there are apps where you input photos and milestones, then order a pre-made book once your baby hits a year. Genius, right? And so much easier than putting pen to paper. I’m definitely going that route for this and subsequent children. If I remember. Eeesh.

Apr 20

weekend update: Lilly for Target, house hunting, and finding out I’m actually (internet) famous

Apr 20

Howdy, y’all!

Sorry, I suddenly feel the need to talk more Southern now because… Lilly Pulitzer for Target? Have you guys heard about this craziness?

For all those of you living under a rock (hee hee), the Lilly Pulitzer for Target collection debuted on Sunday, and the lines outside rivaled (or surpassed) Black Friday. Racks cleared in minutes. Items up on eBay for 4 times the price the same day. It was nuts.

the line (or as some said, the yoga pants convention)

I’ll be honest: I’m not into LP. I like bright, fun summer colors and prints, and I’ve seen some stuff that’s cute, but by no means am I a brand follower. I was talking to my sister-in-law Saturday night and she mentioned that she was heading to our local Target at 6:30am to stand in line for this event. I thought that was a little nuts… but at the same time, I was intrigued, simply because I get super anxious/frantic over bargains and also things that other people are passionate about. As much as I would love to turn up my nose and sneer that I don’t care and it’s all pointless (which let’s be honest, it is)… I started getting a little excited and told her I was going to join in.

Molly for Lilly: worth the trip

I went with the intention of getting flip flops, and I did. One bonus of being pregnant at the moment is that I knew none of the summer clothes would fit anyway, and Lord only knows what size I’ll be next year. So, I did manage to duck underneath the mass of clamboring women and grab the flip flops I wanted, plus score a sun hat and a really cute dress and hat for Molly. I grabbed a straw bag just because I could, then stood there for like 20 minutes debating it even though I knew I didn’t REALLY want it, I just wanted it because everyone else wanted it. I kept saying to myself, “Pretend you are alone and no one else wants this bag and Lilly Pulitzer is a mere figment of the imagination. Are you buying the bag?” The answer, of course, was no and I did finally put it back (well, actually, I handed it to the amped up woman standing next to me who saw me gesture towards the empty rack and asked in a loud voice, “DO YOU NOT WANT THE BAG?” before eagerly snatching it up for herself. I’m telling you – this whole thing was just absurd.)

Anyway. So then Sunday we went to look for a house even though we’re totally not ready to buy a house. I can’t remember if I’ve blogged about this before – I compose all these posts in my head and can never keep track of which ones actually make it to publish status and which ones stay trapped in my imagination forever.

Here’s the reality: if there was some profession where I could just look at houses day in and day out and somehow make money doing it, I swear I’d be a millionaire (and don’t say realtor, because I don’t want to sell them or deal with people… I just want to LOOK at them). I am obsessed with looking at houses. Obsessed. Some people spend all of their free time on Facebook… I spend mine on realtor.com. It’s by far the most used app on my phone. At any given moment, I could recite the specs, list prices, and quirks of every single house for sale in my town without having to think about it.

I’m not sure why this is. It might actually be related to the whole Lilly Pulitzer bandwagon thing – I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out on a bargain. But more than that I just love house hunting. In elementary school I used to check floor plan books out of the library – all the time – and read them for fun, dreaming of my future home. I was an odd child.

The truth is, our current house is in our desired town, but it’s on the way outskirts and it’s not in our desired school district. We got it for a really good price and I have every confidence that we will make a profit on the sale, especially with the upgrades we’ve done. When we bought it, there were multiple offers and it sold in 3 days flat. That just proves to me that we underpaid, and if anything, the market has gotten better since then. But there’s that pesky school district problem and Molly’s just getting older…. I don’t know. In a perfect world we would send her to private school, but I’m not sure we’ll be able to afford that. Unless they invent the “looking at houses” career, in which case I will be making more money than I know how to spend.

We’re friends with our realtor and he’s very well acquainted with my particular type of crazy, so he took us to see the house despite the fact that 1) ours isn’t on the market and is nowhere near ready to go on the market and 2) it was clearly overpriced. We arrived at the showing and there was another couple there looking at it… and during the showing (during which the homeowner followed us around and was offended when I asked if there was hardwood under the carpet, probably because there wasn’t) no fewer than 3 more couples showed up. It made me feel that familiar anxiety over wanting to get something everyone else wanted even though I didn’t even want the thing that much.

The three of us (Eric, our realtor, and me) eventually declared the house “janky” and left it to the rest of those couples to battle out. I have no doubt they’ll have multiple offers in no time. It was very telling, though. Everyone wants that school district and 4 bedrooms. When we really do find “the one,” we need to be better prepared to act quickly.

So then later on I got a really awesome message from an old friend. I’ll relay it below.

I mean, how freaking cool is that? I’m an internet sensation! (Haha, hardly). But truly, this is why I do this. Because if I can inspire and offer hope to just one person – just one – then it’s totally worth putting it all out there and potentially making a fool of myself.

Hope you’re all having a fantastic Monday. If anyone else has any Lilly for Target stories, please share, so I don’t feel like the only materialistic psychopath around here. :)

Mar 17

my 15 minutes of fame have arrived

Mar 17

It’s the moment you’ve all (some of you?) been waiting for! The officially official, will not mystersiously disappear without a trace, blog post with details of my big television debut!

Got all that?

Good!

Set your DVRs to record the Dr. Oz Show on Wednesday, March 18th at 1pm ET. If you do, you will see me, in a bright pink shirt that I have since dried and accidentally shrank, talking about how frustose malabsorption led to uncomfortable bloating in my life. I know – very intense stuff.

Honestly it feels like it all happened so long ago that my excitement about the whole experience has waned considerably. I probably could have written a whole long and exuberant post about it a month ago, but now I don’t even remember that well. It just feels like so much has happened since then. But anyway, here’s as much as I recall.

They sent a car to pick me up at 6am sharp. In the car – me, Molly, Eric, and my MIL. My mom planned to come meet us in the studio later. We hit tonssss of traffic on the way there and I had a few minor “celebrity moments” when people from the show kept calling my driver asking for my status.

Finally we arrived at the studio – almost exactly one hour late – and were ushered inside. At this point a lot of things happened at once. One thing that I still marvel over is the controlled chaos in TV world, and how each person knows their specific role. I was in my little private dressing room (which came equipped with a breakfast spread, couches, and a television that showed a live feed from the set) and people just kept coming in and coordinating what needed to be done. Hair. Makeup. Wardrobe. The producers stopped by to go over the questions and answers one more time. It was seriously crazy when I was sitting in the makeup chair at 9:50 and I said to the woman doing touch-ups, “So what time do I need to be up there?” and she casually replied, “10 o’clock.” No one was panicked. It all ran like a well-oiled machine. A very fast-moving, well-oiled machine.

Unfortunately, due to some miscommunication with email, I told my mom the wrong time to come and she ended up missing the whole thing. Wahhh, wahhh. Eric stayed back in the dressing room with Molly and watched me from the live feed. My MIL came up with me to the set and watched from the side.

Everyone asked me afterwards if I was nervous, and I can honestly say there was no time to be nervous. I don’t know if it was just because I got there so late or because that’s just how it is when you’re on TV, but it was seriously like one minute I was chilling in the dressing room and the next someone was pushing me onto the stage. It was over before I could even think about it – or be scared.

I thought standing in front of the live audience would make me nervous, kind of like public speaking in college. It didn’t – the lights were so bright (and HOT) and I was so focused on what was going on right in front of me that the audience may as well have been empty. The most awkward part that I wasn’t prepared for (and tell me if you notice it when you watch) – is that I didn’t know exactly where to stand or who to look at. The camera cut away a lot to the food, or the doctor who appeared with me, or to Dr. Oz, so hopefully it’s not too noticeable. OH! Another thing. I picked out this cute necklace to wear and it had these individual little pieces on it, and apparently one of the sections was flipped up the entire time. Look out for that, too.

All in all it went well and I’m glad I did it. My mom finally got to the set just in time to jump in for a photo with Dr. Oz (he’s very nice, though obviously I didn’t speak with him much). I’m still waiting for that photo to get emailed to me. Funny how leading up to the day I was getting emailed details and instructions practically every hour and once the segment taped it’s been radio silence. Oh, well.

On to more recent news… this past weekend was our annual family ski trip to Vermont, and it was seriously so much fun. My MIL graciously came along to mind the baby so I could learn how to ski – which was awesome! I’m a huge fan of skiing even though I am really terrible. All together between aunts, uncles, cousins, etc, we had something like 23 adults and 10 children. It was crazy, but in a fun way. I’m already looking forward to next year. I have been soooo good about not giving Molly sugar or anything like that but I let her have a taste of her first ice cream (Ben & Jerry’s) and her reaction was priceless. I think it’s safe to say we have an ice cream fiend on on our hands here.

And… yeah, that’s all for today. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day Eve, everyone. Don’t forget to set those DVRs and let me know what you all think!